These are requests for help or advice, or questions from the curious. Contact me if you have a question for a former JW.
Q: I have a close friend who is an Ex-JW. I was wondering if you have any resources or articles that you may suggest for someone in my position? I care deeply about my friend, and while it has been 4 years since he has left, I have only recently become closer to him. I was raised to be very communicative and open, but I don't want to make his "recovery" worse by asking too many questions. You mention in your article that Ex-JW's should try to avoid identifying themselves as solely an Ex-JW, and as such, they need not to discuss it or think about it on a constant basis so that they may re-establish themselves as an individual. How can I assist in this process?
A: There are lots of links to articles and other resources at http://www.virushead.net/jwlinks.html, but the best thing for you to do is what you already know - listen and be a good friend. Show compassion, model the qualities you admire in others, and be there for your friend. You can tell your friend that you are aware there might be issues and you would be willing to listen if he felt the desire to talk about some of them - and leave it at that. That you have made the effort to find out on your own in what ways you might be able to help shows that you are probably a good friend already. Friendship, compassion, respect and love are the things most exJWs feel they don't deserve. A friend who simply accepts them for who they are and who is there for them is the greatest gift there is.
Q: I'm searching for a techno song that has audio snippets of talks from years ago and the basic theme is destruction and 1914.
A: I don't know, but I sure would like to hear it. If anyone knows of any song with snippets from JW talks in it, please contact me!
Q: I have a daughter who at 20 married a man ten years older who had her abandon her family and all friends. Later we found out he was jw and had done the same to his former wife. Our daughter was a good christian girl who had no experience with men or manipulation or conning individuals. I need any information on the brainwashing techiques used by the jw's so i can help her with this. Much appreciated.
A: JWs use many of the same tools as other groups: lovebombing, gradual change of expectations, heavy time involvement, isolation, playing on normal human fears and needs, sheer repetition, and the like. They are not actually supposed to break up families, but it is common. You could try contacting the elders of his congregation and making a complaint - they are supposed to investigate. You can say that you did nothing to try to separate the wife and husband, nor to prevent her from conversion if that was her wish. You can try calling the local Kingdom Hall, but many of them don't have a regular number. Go to the local Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses (or if you live elsewhere, go to yours), check on the door for the time of the Saturday or Sunday "public meeting," then be there about 20 minutes before or just at the ending time, which is an hour later, usually just before the start of the second hour of the "Watchtower Study." Ask to speak to an elder about an urgent personal matter, and you will be heard. They will either meet with you right there or else arrange to come to your home (2-3 elders) at a later time. Don't go alone, but with your husband, friend, or another family member. Be very, very polite - you're basically asking for a favor. Say you don't harbor any ill will toward your son-in-law, but you feel that this action should be "lovingly corrected" by those whose responsibility it is to do so. I can't promise it would have an effect, but it's your best strategy. You daughter is an adult, so she has to want your help for anything else beyond that. I have some recommended books on brainwashing and healing relatives on my books page, but right now, the best thing is simply to tell her that you love her, even if you don't agree with her decisions. The more you resist, the more she will pull away. But if you're there for her, she'll come to you. But I wonder how you didn't know he was a JW?
