Ex-JW Mailbag - Positive Feedback + VirusHead.Net ~+ ~+ ~+

Ex-JW Mailbag - Positive Feedback

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Ex-JW Mailbag - Positive Feedback

Feb 28, 2005
Hello, My names amber i am 18 and live in the Uk. I was a JW from the age of 2 until 16 then i decided to leave. I was not baptised but i feel i have been affected negatively by the religion. I used to get really scared when i first left because i felt demons were after me but now think that if God is real then he would not send demons after me because the bible says he is love. Did you ever get these feelings when you left? I have also been afected in personal ways which my doctor offered me counciling for. (An ex-jw girl i have met is in counselling for personal problems) My dad sometimes blames himself for bringing me into the religion because he is an ex-jw too. My mum and sister are still jw's but i still see them every weekend because i would never disown them for what they want to believe. I get upset though because my sister is 16 and talks about going to bethel and sometimes i think in my head that she is going to waste her life (i would never say that to h er!) My boyfriend feels the same way. Im glad that there are people like me (ex-jws) because i used to feel lonely but i had a really wierd experience because since i have left i have met a lot of ex-jws. First a girl at work i met is one and my friend moved in with a girl who is an ex-jw. I think that the religion is a cult but would never tell this to any of them because it would upset them. I would never put anyone down for their beliefs like i used too when i was a jw. I belive that everyone has good in them and that if there is a god then he would see that.

Feb 13, 2005
I stumbled over your exJW site while looking for a way to frame my thoughts to my little sister who has just disassociated herself. I've never run into another woman academic who was also exJW, and thought I might as well introduce myself. I left at 18, wound up with a PhD (English, I specialized in medieval drama) at 34, and am now at the University of Toronto. I enjoyed your advice. Good luck with the dissertation, the topic sounds fascinating. Cheers,
Kim Y

Loved your web site. LMAO at the JW jokes. I have fwd. you a great picture of Tipsy Joe Rutherford busy preaching, er, I mean leaching, er, I mean sucking up the suds. He's the sot sitting down in the picture. Funny thing , he looks a wee bit like WC Fields. Peace,
Marco

JWS weren't always so allergic to fun

Hey. I just wanted to say I've enjoyed what I've seen of your website so far. I'm a 23 yr old ex-JW that has, of course, been disowned by her family. It is so hard. I just like to talk to others that had the nerve to leave too. Thanks.
Nona

Great site! I grew up with a mum who is a fanatic JW. I left when I was only 12, (I never got baptized). Here is a fun story, and its 100% true too. My grandma's friend had bought a pair of shoes in a store called "Indiska." They sell clothes and other stuff from India. A few days later I had to follow my grandma and her friend back with the shoes, because she wanted to return them. Of course the storeclerk asked what was wrong with the shoes. My grandma's friend answered: "Well, I had the shoes next to my bed, and last night I heard a sharp noice, like a scream. I looked up, and there was fire coming up from the shoes! There are demons in the shoes so I want to return them." The storeclerk looked at her like she was insane, and said sarcastically: "If there was fire coming out of the shoes, why has it not left a single mark? It's impossible that a fire wouldn't leave a mark on the shoes." "But miss, it was demons, and everybody knows that demons don't leave a mark, they just vanish without a trace! There are DEMONS in the shoes, I'm a JEHOVAH'S WITNESS and we can't have things which are possesed by demons..." You can imagine how I felt, I was 10 years old and wanted to die of shame...The tragedy of the story is that it actually happened and that my grandma and the other woman were dead serious about demons starting fire in a pair of shoes. The funniest part of the story is that the woman was most offended that the sales clerk somehow didn't already know that demons wouldn't leave a mark. Like how can you not know about demons? They thought that all other people would be familiar with their odd beliefs. I saw a lot of similar things during my childhood. People who threw away almost all their furniture and other stuff because they thought it had demons in them...I just came up with another fun joke. Do you know what to do if you and a JW are rivals to buy the same house? Tell the JW that the house is full of demons, that you felt something "watching" you while you checked the house out. Then the JW will let you buy the house. Take care, and thanks again for a fun site,
Sandra from Sweden

I feel in you I may have found a lifelong friend! I am an ex JW, and am learning how not to make this the center of my life. In the years since I was disfellowshipped, I have managed to finish my degree, and law school and pass the Florida bar exam, marry a WONDERFUL (normal) man, and raise two perfect children.It's nice for somebody else to try and put a positive spin on such an awful (and strange) thing. Best of luck in ALL your endeavors!!
Christina

I've been free of "truth" for quite long time now, and recently dragged into the 20th century with new computer. it's great that there are web sites such as yours, especially for new escapees. the guilt can be tremendous at first, but now I dare any of those hypocrites to judge me ever again. They tend not to call on me anymore which suits me just fine. I wasn't ever disfellowshipped, I left of my own accord.
I tried the church of England for a while, but I'm so wary of judgemental types now. But I can say that in the church there I found good, highly spiritual people, that really do for mankind, like organised soup and sandwhich runs for the homeless, christmas boxes for orphans overseas... I saw more godly behaviour in the church than ever with the jws. And lets face it, the services were an awful lot more enjoyable, creche facilities for kids, GOOD singing, one young vicar used to use sesame street type puppets, highly enjoyable even for the adults. However I found the usual share of snobs and hypocrites so it must be prevalent in all religion...what a shame.
So now we must be those apostates that I was warned about, used to see them gathered outside the assemblies. I think I came out of it reasonably unscathed, I saw friends suffer more, one a family torn apart, the parents became exjws, but the teenagers stayed in, and the elders were very meddlesome apparently, encouraged the children to move out quickly and keep away from their parents....These people were decent folk not druggies or thugs. T usually see them in my work place I will tell them about these sites. In fact these sites are amazing, and I seem to be picking up that they have changed their prophecy regarding the 1914 generation. They must have been freaking that nearly all the 1914 gen. are dead. We call that "moving the goal posts."
The one thing I have learned in my life (big 40 in 2 weeks), is just to have TOLERANCE, allow people to live their lives as they see fit (as long as they don't hurt anyone). Who are we to judge...certainly not jehovahs witnesses. If there is a loving god up there and I do hope so, He can see thru people. Who are they to say mother Theresa won't be resurrected? She was a good woman, not perfect but better than many. Just because she didn't sell watchtowers - oops they are free now aren't they?
Well I find I still have a lot of anger in me and I don't want to offload too much on you, well done for the site. I have learned new things and will continue to do so. Whether I ever have a religion again, I don't know, but I try to be a good person, and for sure I won't let anyone dictate to me ever again, nor burn my books (like a fool, only had to go and replace the Lord of the Rings) Take care fellow survivor
Caroline

I'm also a Ph.D candidate. I'm also an ex JW. Amazing how we manage to make up for lost time eh? My dissertation deals with fundamental christianity and jehovah's witnesses are my case study. I am a feminist sociologist and was a JW for 22 years...good luck with your work and drop me a line if you like. Cheers mate!
Mim

I was a JW for 20 plus years. I have been out for almost 3 years. Still hard at times to purge all that JW programming out of this head of mine. Thanks for the great website. It is refreshing compared to many of the other sites. Cheers,
Tim

I read your experiences on becoming adjusted after being a jw and I felt very relieved and felt I related to your words. I'm just coming to terms with jw issues. Turns out I have repressed all my anger, fear and sadness. Subconsciously, I have been very self-abusive for many years, punishing myself. This is all very new and it feels like I've entered a parallel universe. When you were dealing with recovering did you feel that life is a bit surreal? How long did it take for you too feel comfortable?
Rachel

(From my response: Sometimes I did things on a sort of autopilot that I later deeply regretted. The moments of surrealism will come even after many years but they become both less frequent and less powerful as you begin to re-form yourself. The hardest part is finding and claiming the part of you that was never touched - we all have a secret part inside that we hold back even from groups like the JWs - and building on it. Do things that make you feel positive about yourself and always stop to say "this is my choice, this moment is my choice" - it became something very positive to me to begin to feel that everything wasn't just happening to me, but that I could claim it for myself. It's not an easy path, but it's very rewarding to find yourself again - and after a while, you can also reclaim your spirituality in the way it is really meant - love and compassion and forgiveness. It really is an amazing and rewarding experience to learn to find compassion for others instead of looking down on them or being afraid of their "worldly" influences. You will develop both an openness toward others and a sense of self-preservation that will help you sense danger the more you practice.)

I thought the ex-jw part was very helpful. Glad to see that there is someone out there trying to help those ex-jws that have a hard time knowing what to do next.
Keith

Great info for Ex-Jehovahs. My best sister/friend was excommunicated because she smoked and has lots of stories to share, especially about the adulterer who oversaw her ex-comm.
Christianne

(comment: Don't let a JW hear you say "excommunicated" - too Catholic! They say "disfellowshipped" if they kick you out, and "disassociated" if you officially leave.)

Hello and ever such a surprise this is to me. Never mind how I got here, or where I am now, but this page must be spread all over the world, to free the mentally enslaved again. Been there, almost became a missionary assigned for 5 years, was a pioneer, my dad still being the overseeing elder of a few congregations, my mother being the public relations responsible of the area of even Germany (don't know). Me having them witnesses with 20 , them finding me even in a nother country and returned me, made my second exit with 25, and HEY!!!! DONE IT!!!! But I have been thinking for years to form a group like this, never done it though. And funny enough, the way I got here, due to someone I knew once, back in mind wondering, whether he used to be the same .... well, obvously I'm right. Why I never asked? Anyone welcome to contact me anytime. After all , we're kinda all brothers and sisters , second death and all.
Claudia from Germany - you can email her at c dot alford at web dot de (where dot is . and at is @)

A lot of interesting information about how to cope with and being a ex-JW. This is the most well rounded out advice I've seen.
Adreena

I found your Ex. JW. advice interesting and helpful. I can't agree more that often when someone or a group we belong to hurt us or let us down, we tend to lash out and rebel. We tend to go to the other side of the pendulum in our behaviour even though we personally don't think it's right. Living in ANY extreme is pretty much dangerous. I notice too, that people who have been mistreated or shunned in a particular religion also tend to reject ALL religion/God too. As if just because people let them down, then God must not exist anymore? Thanks for sharing your information!
Nadiine

Many truthful looks at situations I also experienced were presented well. Loved it! I was a JW for 29 years.
Chris

Why is that among the lists of books written about JW's, no one ever mentions Harrison's "Visions of Glory", which I find so psychologically accurate?
David

(I have now added it to my books page, but you can also find it on my links page here - there's a free download)