A stellar narrative, September 1, 2005
“Dr. Heidi N” (Atlanta, GA United States)

I’m a former JW and this book brought back memories both bad and good. In between telling the story of the turns and twists of her JW childhood, Dr. Castro mentions details that are worthy of additional chapters. Even as an academic in my 40’s, it wasn’t until I read this book that I realized how the rhetoric of submission, even slavery, was used to justify control. I never even noticed that “district overseer” and a “circuit overseer” are positions from the language of slavery, not humble Christianity. Castro illustrates numerous misplaced priorities, such as those that punish a smoker but allow a man to abuse his children. Surprisingly, there are even bits of humor, such as an aside on the phrase “Satan the devil.” It’s never just “Satan” or the “devil”, but always “Satan-the-devil.” As opposed to what, “Satan-the-gerbil”? Her opening description of the faculty interview process had me in stitches and set the stage perfectly.

She honors the goodhearted people in the congregation and gives them credit with specific and sympathetic character sketches, but she also shows the destructiveness and hardheartedness of many of the policies that tell good people to do the wrong thing. There are implicit criticisms of the religion and its cultivated worship of the leadership in Brooklyn. But it is in her descriptions of people that she most excels – they are presented in three-dimensional terms – no stereotypes here. The book rings with authenticity; she is trying very hard to be as fair as anyone could. There is no purple prose. She isn’t pushing any agenda. She reports, and in the process tries to assimilate, understand, get and give insight. Those of us who continue have to do that. She does it with writing, reading, teaching, helping – doing the things that were undervalued but have become all the more meaningful for that now.

Her stepfather is horrible. Period. Her adoptive mother (and even her beloved father) say things that still make me quiver a little, resonance of a deep chord of empathy. Follow the thread of the brother – concern for him and self-judgment for not doing “enough” for him haunts the text.

As harrowing as this story is, it also focuses on details of her redemptive experience. It narrows in on the little things that enabled her to navigate her environment, the things she valued and cherished that helped her to continue, to confront certain kinds of situations and, later, to thrive. It offers guidance and hope, and I think that it will be a source of understanding and strength for many.

Like her, I feel that my love of reading may have saved me. I read the book in one sitting, and finished it deep in the night. I was unresponsive while reading, so absorbed in her story as it evoked – and intertwined with – my own memories, that I didn’t even acknowledge my husband when he spoke to me. Deep in the night when I finished, I let go of my inward world a little. I cried, then laughed, and finally looked up at the stars in wonder and peace. What more could one ask?