VirusHead - Mutating bits of contagious discourse, because language is a virus.

I sincerely hope that this e-mail collection of "real" excuse notes written by parents in Tennessee is a humorous urban legend. Unfortunately, I find it all too believable. Thanks to Bev for sending.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
7. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
8. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
9. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
10. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the sh**s.
11. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
12. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
13. I kept billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.
14. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
15. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
16. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
17. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
18. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
19. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
20. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.