VirusHead

We were late getting into Longmeadow. My brother Roy, wife Patty, and son Dylan had already been there for a few hours. It was so great to be able to spend some time with them. We rarely get to see one another anymore. Dylan was so totally adorable – he’s such a perfect mix of Roy and Patty. When Roy was little, his hair was just like that, and he had those really long eyelashes (I always envied them), and he made some of the same faces. It’s uncanny to see. And yet, I can really see Patty in him too.

We kicked off our shoes and made ourselves at home. Ben and Dylan played pretty well together despite the difference in age. Ben was actually the one who took this photo of Dylan – isn’t it great? More on that below.

My uncle Ronnie has always been one of my most favorite men on the planet. I can’t even begin to list the many ways in which he has influenced me and supported me – he’s always been there. I wouldn’t have gone to college at all, but he persuaded me. I had some great conversations with my Aunt Ute while we were there. She has recently retired from her job. After so many years of working the night shift in a lab, she is really enjoying the personal freedom to do what she likes to do. She is taking a class to learn all the intricacies of playing bridge (after talking with her, I’m starting to get a sense of how complicated the game can be!). They are planning their next big trip – this time to New Zealand. I can’t wait to hear all about it and to see the photos when they get back.

We had the pleasure of meeting my Cousin Aletta’s fiancee Matt. We liked him very much, and can see that they will be good together. The thing I noticed most was that Aletta looked so happy whenever he was around. The wedding will be another reason to travel back here – yay! She is finishing up her Ph.D., winding up for the big finish, and she and John talked science for a while. I was enjoying just listening in on the conversation. (That’s how interesting it was – I actually shut up – grin).

My aunt and uncle’s house is the perfect place to meet for a family gathering. I love to explore and find new beautiful objects there, noticing designs and ways of organizing things. (I’ve been cleaning and rethinking our space since I got back!). There is a main room that sits up high and has incredibly comfortable couches and chairs. There is a fireplace, and a deck off the main room. The kitchen is a couple of stairs down (and had been redone since the last time I was able to visit), and you walk through it to the formal dining room where there is also a piano.

I have many happy memories of listening to my Uncle play the piano in that room. My one regret about this family visit is that he had hurt his thumb and couldn’t play much beyond “Twinkle, twinkle” and “Happy Birthday”.

All of the meals were delicious there (they had the eggcups in the morning! and bacon! and homemade jam!), but the Thanksgiving feast was exceptionally yummy. I even had seconds, which I hardly ever do. We attempted to celebrate my cousin Aletta’s birthday, which was a couple of days later, and my nephew Dylan’s birthday, which is in a couple of days from now.

We made a fatal error, however – actually it was me. Mea culpa, totally my fault. I sent Ben out with Aletta’s pie first! Well, Dylan was really excited about blowing out the candle, and he was not happy at all when the pie (with the lit candle) was placed in front of Aletta. Even bringing out his own pie with a candle didn’t really solve the problem. He had just woken up, and in addition to thinking that the whole candle-blowing event might be taken from him, I think he was also trying to work out where fire goes when it’s gone. He had been asking about the fire in the fireplace, too.

Ben was in heaven the whole time. He always adores Patty, and this visit was no exception. In addition to that lovefest, he also got to know Ute and Aletta. Ute took Ben for a couple of walks around the neighborhood, and talked to him at length, and even tickled him! Aletta listened intently as he explained – in great detail – his favorite Playstation2 game (the players, the levels, what you have to do). He’s been talking about Aletta and Ute and Patty ever since. I wish I had the “village” (as in, it takes one) here in Atlanta.

Ben took a lot of photos. In addition to that great picture of Dylan, he took these:

We talked to other family members that couldn’t come to visit. My brother Michael and his family stayed in Atlanta – Dotty is too close to her due date to travel. My mom Nancy and grandmother Evelyn couldn’t make it either. Everybody got a chance to talk to everybody, at least -except for Cousin Micaela. She and hubby Michael and their kids are out in Seattle. We couldn’t reach them, but I left a voicemail. I’m hoping to see them in March, and if not – they are bound to come to Aletta’s wedding!

We never talked about gratefulness, but all the things to be grateful for were palpable. Thank you for the best Thanksgiving I can remember! Hugs to all from Heidi, John and Ben!

We drove back to Boston, returned the rental car, and got past security early enough to change our flight to an earlier one. We still had enough time – on Friday afternoon – to get a bite to eat at the airport. Can it be? Legal Seafoods has a “Test Kitchen” almost directly across from our gate? Ohhh. I had freshly shucked lobster and avocado wrap. I was sorely tempted to have a cup of chowder. We had a great meal – at the airport. Wow.

I never thought that I would miss New England. I wasn’t sad to leave it when I moved to Iowa, and then to Atlanta. It has taken me many years to realize all the aspects of life there that I really appreciate. Every place has its pros and cons, and there are many positive things about Atlanta. I love the weather here, and the flowers, and I’ve made great friends here, too. We have a nicer house than we could afford to own in New England. Still, it’s become clear to me that the core of me is a New Englander still. That I’m a liberal yankee in a very red state is only part of the story. I was blinking back tears as the plane turned toward Atlanta.

The saga continues…

It was just a couple of minutes past twilight when we arrived at Carol’s house in Pelham (right on the edge of Amherst). We were totally exhausted from the long, if exciting, day. Perfect timing to be with Carol, where I usually end up feeling pampered and reassured and comforted by my dear friend and kinda-sorta adopted mom. She had the tray of finger food ready to go, and a bowl of cookies and candy were out for Ben (and us). No food discipline is possible at Carol’s house – it’s a constant snack scene. I gain weight when she’s in the vicinity, but I’m also happier, so it evens out. (Carol sends me one of her signature birthday cakes in the mail every single year.) Everything was pretty much as I remembered it, except that she now has an extra room built on. We still talk on the phone quite often; these days we talk politics. We egged each other on, as usual. John and Carol started shouting at CSpan in no time. My only regret about our visit is that in the couple of days we were there, we never sipped Earl Grey tea together.

We didn’t get to spend as much time as I would have liked in downtown Amherst, but we did go into Hastings for some stocking stuffers, and I bought The Good Fairies of New York at Amherst Books. They’ve built a new cinema, and it’s about to open. The old one-screen movie theater was were I first saw Harold and Maude and The Graduate. It was really cheap to go next door, pick up some fried rice, and go to an old movie for dinner.

By the by, why can’t any Chinese restaurants in Atlanta make fried rice? There are some amazingly good restaurants of every cuisine here, but you just can’t get this dish. Every time I’ve ordered it, it comes to me in the boiled form. I’ve tried to explain what makes fried rice … fried rice – but I can’t get no satisfaction.

We had breakfast at Roosters – kielbasa, real maple syrup and skip the grits, thanks. On the way back, we stopped in at what used to be North Amherst Gulf, and I got to see Joe Sacco – the Boss-Man. It’s now a car repair place, but I used to work there part-time (I was “Girl #2″ – and yes, Joe is the only one who could ever get away with that). It was one of the best jobs I ever had. The gas was expensive, which meant that I got paid to read books and look out at the cows in the pasture across the street. Joe and I talked for a few minutes, and recalled the time that a woman held her lighter up to a frozen gas cap – until we all ran out screaming “Stop! Stop! Think what you’re doing!” He is just the same, a little grayer. He still calls his wife “The Boss.”

I would very much have liked to have seen my undergraduate adviser/mentor and friend Richard N., but he and his wife were celebrating Thanksgiving in New York. I think we missed each other by only a day or so.

Andrew was the first person in my life that really seemed to understand my transition out of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and to help me to craft my way out of the mindset. Born in Latvia into a family that toured around the USSR like a religious version of the Von Trapps, he had experiences to draw upon; his first novel got pulled from the shelves when a family member objected to his perspective. Andrew really understood the basic contours of the trap, and he was the first to offer me some avenues out of it. One thing that seems small, but helped quite a lot was that he would say things like “Shame on that terrible group! It’s despicable!”. For no real reason, he aligned himself with me and seemed to stand up for me – like a psychological placeholder. It sounds silly, but most of my perspective at that point was more instinctual. In my mind, he provided a frame for repositioning my ideas about care and solidarity and ethics. I wasn’t able even to think the word “despicable” yet. I didn’t yet have the courage. I only knew that what I saw was destructive and I wanted to get away from it. He made me feel welcomed and included, and gave me the feeling that we shared in-jokes. He treated me as though I were an interesting person, and it helped me believe that someday I might really become one.

He once gave me a piece of advice that allowed me to understand something about him, too. He told me that I should let people underestimate me. He advised me, with a naughty grin, to study the Columbo method.

He was one of the people I knew in Amherst who opened doors into different kinds of awareness. Amherst was where I started to become more like me. Beyond all of that, many the people I met in Amherst are just simply fun to be around.

When we went to see him, Andrew got John’s life story out of him – then they went on to discuss artificial life and spirit and memory. He had an area for children to be able to sit and draw. Ben got to work immediately, and made him several drawings of Star Wars characters (I miss his earlier abstracts – sigh).

Andrew called me “my darling” and “wench” and “bit*h” and asked John how he managed to capture me. He made me laugh, and he gave me great big hugs. Good times.

On the morning we left we went out to breakfast with Nadine and Ernie, and then back to their house. We got separated from them because of the heavy traffic on route 9, and in trying to call them I accidentally redialed Andrew – who gave me the directions. Hee-hee. I thought John and Ernie would get on well because they are both interested in science fiction, and they are skeptics and academics (and I also just had a feeling about it). Nadine and I had been in contact via phone and email, but I hadn’t seen Ernie in a very long time. I wasn’t even sure that he would remember me since we hadn’t actually interacted that much. When I asked him, he said, “I could pick you out from a stadium full of blondes.”

Nadine has been running a writer’s workshop for women, and making some of her amazing creations. She starts from the wool and takes it all the way to woven pieces and quilts and all sorts of other things. I wound a ball of yarn while we we were talking in their living room. It was very relaxing to do that somehow. She tried to show Ben how to spin from the wool, but it isn’t as easy as it looks!

A darker side of Amherst: The currently-playing movie Running with Scissors is based on some not completely unknown people in Amherst (good for him for writing it). The mother was in the program at UMass, and I might even have bumped into her now and again, although I have no clear memory of it.

We were running late, but we drove up to Skinner Park to the top of Mt. Holyoke anyway. Since we couldn’t make it to the Berkshires, I wanted to show John and Ben the view of the Valley.

We stopped for gas and a couple of cups of coffee to go, and headed out to Longmeadow.

To be continued…

We drove into Cambridge so that John could hand-deliver his manuscript to The MIT Press. I was still printing out the monster – almost 900 pages of it – at 3 a.m. the night (morning) before we left Atlanta. He went out to lunch with his editor (who was kind enough to lend me a good neighborhood map).

While John was doing that, I took Ben to the Boston Museum of Science (we used to call it the “Boston Science Museum” – did they change the order?). Wow. Just as wonderful as I remembered. Ben was enchanted. We took pictures of our shadows, and blended our faces in the window/mirrors, and looked at the little robots, and all sorts of other things.

We even went to the Gunther von Hagens BodyWorlds 2 exhibit. It was a bit edgy for a 6-year-old, but I kept an eye on him to see his reaction. There was only one awkward moment – he asked a funny question, and several people turned around to look. I answered it in a fairly straightforward way, and he was reassured.

For the squeamish, I should mention that they don’t really look like what they are. The plastination process makes everything look like a very advanced model, not the real thing. There is no smell, no sense of death at all. And they are beautiful. The sheer complexity! I was looking at a very thin cross-section of someone’s leg, and the textures reminded me of aquatic lifeforms – like sponges. After about 20 minutes or so, Ben was ready – get this – to go get some lunch. He said that he was bored of looking at all the humans. He wanted to eat (and then go to the museum store and then look at the big dinosaur again). We had lunch looking out on the river.

See the reflections on the glass?

We had a somewhat scary moment when I realized that John’s cellphone, that I was carrying, had died. Since we hadn’t set a time or place to meet up again, I finally called the Press and left a message, which was a bit garbled in delivery. We found each other, finally, in the lobby of the museum.

I never did stop in to visit my hometown (which John has never seen). I would have liked to see a few more friends in the eastern Massachusetts/Providence, R.I. area (Jan, Mary, Lorna…and yes! you too Nicolette! and others!), and some of my extended family. We ran out of time.

Later than we had planned, we got into the car, navigated through the tunnels, and headed west on the Massachusetts Turnpike (the Mass Pike, the Pike), directly into the setting sun – toward Amherst.

To be continued…
(but not tonight…)

The last time I saw the glamorous Maria was when I was pregnant with Ben, about seven years ago. Maria and I also lived together in Amherst while I was working at UMass Press after graduation. We had an upstairs apartment right in the center of town. (Peach, Maria! Peach!) She bought the house next door to her parents after several years of working in fashion and design in Boston and New York. She freelances now, so she can be anywhere, and she’s rooming with her sister Clara.

Um… the last time I saw Clara, I think she was about seven years old. Today…well I sure feel old…

Maria invited two more of our UMass suitemates from McNamara dorm. It’s been more than 20 years since I’ve seen Sharon and Sarah! We had some pizza and some wine and got caught up with one another’s lives.

Sarah is married to a really interesting guy named Guy(!) and has established her own law practice. Her two boys are adorable, with long brown hair and attitudes reminiscent of her own. They will be able to stand up for themselves in any situation. We had a really interesting discussion about veal as a food that is kosher, but violates tikkun because of the cruelty. Write the article, publish it! I think you’re right.

Sharon is working hard and has been through a lot in the last few years, but she is just as sweet and fun as ever. I had forgotten how petite she really is. I felt like I could sweep her off the ground with no effort at all. I was tempted to do so. She brought her beautiful, spunky little daughter.

Ben ran around with the other kids – they were like a bunch of wolves, almost immediately forming their own little pack. Maria’s mom and dad were just as nice as I remembered, too. Her dad took me on a little tour of the big old rambling cemetery behind their houses. It looked down on a little skating pond.

Maria set up a fire in a big outdoor fireplace – we had one at one of the houses I lived in as a kid, and that brought back memories, too. We sat and talked and looked at the fire. Big hugs all around. Maria introduced us to her current beau, who is a firefighter that she met at a Rolling Stones concert. When they met, she was standing behind the wheelchair section (”they don’t stand up to block the view,” she explained with a characteristic grin).

Everyone is different than they were, and yet there is that essential streak of individual flair and flavor that never changes. I am perhaps getting a bit sentimental, but I was caught off-guard by the overwhelming feeling of affection that came rushing up inside me in response to the sight of their faces, the sound of their voices. We are all such different women – we probably would never have met one another if we didn’t room together in college. I am so grateful to know them. They are each so unique, so beautiful and smart, and so singularly themselves. I’m smiling just looking at their faces in these photographs. I wish that Shawn and Lauren and Dominique could have been there too. I love you, my friends.

We crashed on an air mattress on Maria’s breezeway. Maria ran off in the morning to a gig in New Hampshire. Her mom made us a breakfast of waffles (thank you so much Pat), and I had a quick conversation with Clara on the phone, then we set off for Boston to deliver John’s manuscript…

To be continued…

Well, we’re back in Georgia. We went to my home state of Massachusetts for Thanksgiving, and we had an amazingly good time. I’ve got photos, so I’ll spread this over a few entries.

We arrived in Boston last Friday the 19th, picked up our rental car (that was a hassle!), and drove to my friend John Robert G’s house on the outskirts of Gloucester. JR hadn’t met hubby John or our son Ben before, so it was really fun for me to see them all interact with one another. Ben made himself right at home, playing pool.

After a while, we met up with JR’s friend Maryanne P. at a great restaurant called Alchemy. She was delayed arriving – she had gotten a flat tire. Ben ate, then played with his “Carnage” figure until he fell asleep on the comfty couch-seat. JR and John talked, and Maryanne and I got to know one another a little bit. We talked about the possibility of collaborating on a children’s book (She’s an illustrator). Darn, I didn’t get her picture! JR insisted on treating for the meal (thanks!) and I picked up (most of) the tab for the wine. We stayed up for a while, talking out on the deck and inside.

JR (aka Sanskrit) treated us (and especially Ben) to a performance of his fire-breathing. Thank you for not setting the deck on fire, John. Ben was very impressed (me too). By the way, I loved the Halloween statement. Wouldn’t try it in Georgia, though. When it was time to hunker in for the night, we snuggled into a very wonderfully comfortable bed on the first floor (the pillows were exceptional).

Next morning, we walked a little bit from the house over to the shoreline. It was a very dramatic view (the full sense of it is only lightly touched by the photograph). We climbed around on the rocks for a while, then JR took us on the grand drive of the area. What a gorgeous place to live! I loved it. We came back to the house for some brunch, said our goodbyes… and drove to Maria’s house.

To be continued…