Exhaustion finally gave me some deep sleep, and I woke up this morning feeling comfortable and calm. Had some vivid dreams, but they were better ones, filled with sounds of loving voices and comforting words, melodic sweetness, guiding support. Wow – yesterday was horrible, but here’s the reset. I think today will be better. I’m over all the things that irritated me yesterday – and slightly in awe of how such simple little issues could have touched off that kind of emotional turmoil.
I knew that it was almost all a result of my own chemistry, but it didn’t help much. If this is how it is to quit smoking, I’m profoundly grateful that I’ve never become addicted to anything hardcore! Professional rehab is clearly needed for anything much more than this.
Today I’m focusing on small things, trying to make things better in my immediate environment. No big projects, just rearranging, making things more streamlined and pleasing to the eye. I’d like to have a day of very small concrete efforts that bring observable results. A whole day of – yes, that’s better – is the aim.
Things seem to start going badly in mid-afternoon – so if need be, I’ll stop. See a movie, get in bed and listen to an book (I’ve got 6-7 lined up). I can’t focus well enough even to enjoy reading, and I’m going to need every drop of focus for work next week. So – putter, putter, putter, relax, relax, relax, enjoy – and sleep.
That’s the plan. I wonder how the moon will look tonight.