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VirusHead in the year of COVID-19

VirusHead in the year of COVID-19

Now that I am fully vaccinated, I can look at this blog without feeling the creepies.

My dissertation was on the figure of the virus in fiction. I suspected that we were long overdue for a new pandemic, and worried about the militarized uses as well. The end of the century came and went.

I was super careful. Stayed home. Took precautions. Watched the country go through a lot of insanity, and it’s not over yet.

But I had already been thinking about various sorts of the deaths, I was determined not to die of this virus.

Logically, I know that I have to go sometime, but each time I have gotten kissing distance from death, there was a simple refusing reason.

I can’t die *this* way.

I can’t die from my own stupidity, or as a result of the violent malevolence of others, because if there were an afterlife, I would never forgive myself. I can’t die from choking on a hot dog, because some people would never stop laughing about it. I can’t die from an ectopic pregnancy, because my little boy needs me to live. I can’t die of despair in this place, so I must leave.

And I can’t die of Covid-19 because I thought too much about viruses, and I have already paid far too many prices for to die of a virus, too. That would be some kind of cosmic joke of the worst sort.

I got married again in the year of the virus. So I snuggled in with my honey. I also seemed to have worked through some issues about which I had deep, painful feelings. So this last year, overall, was good for me. There were a few things that I wished could have been different, but I’m still alive, and protected to some extent. I still even have a hope that maybe the country will continue to move into a healthier zone (in so many ways). We can hope.

Another Jump Point

Another Jump Point

It’s really been a rough several months. I haven’t been writing here. Either my writing is offline, part of an eventual project waiting for the right ending, or else it’s therapeutic writing that really no-one else should see.

I’ve been personally challenged in a number of ways, and have learned several more *very* difficult but very valuable lessons. I’ve had to rearrange my priorities and go back to basics on some skills that I haven’t had to focus on in quite some time.

While I can’t get into the circumstances, I CAN jot down a few things that have lowered my stress level, improved my health, and helped me to accept and release things that I do not have the power to improve, heal or enhance.

  • Be calm. Be just as calm as you can, no matter what.
  • Do not get cornered. Do not allow yourself to be pushed into a defensive stance.
  • Remember: The Dunning-Kruger Effect – not your problem or your responsibility to fix. Don’t internalize.
  • Keep rereading this and just practice, practice, practice, even if the need for it continues to be infuriating at some level: How to Deal with Impossible People
Schnitzler’s Grove

Schnitzler’s Grove

Look! Look!

Finally, a piece of documentation for my great-grandfather’s biergarten! Please comment if you have any stories about Schnitzler’s Grove.

Schnitzler’s Grove

Autumn Day

Autumn Day

Wandering restless as the leaves.

Autumn Day (Herbsttag)
Rainer Maria Rilke

Lord, it is time. The summer was so great.
Let fall your shadow on the sundials,
and across the fields let loose the winds.

Command the last fruits now to ripen:
Give them two more days as from the south,
Drive them to completion and chase
The final sweetness into heavy wine.

Who has no house will not build now
Who is alone, alone will stay
Will wake and read, write long letters
And in the avenues wander restless
Here and there, where leaves are drifting.

Translated by Tilo Ulbricht, as quoted in the current issue of Parabola (Many Paths, One Truth: Vol. 36 Num. 4 , Winter 2011–12)

Life Soundtrack Snapshot

Life Soundtrack Snapshot

For historical purposes, here are my current 50 most-played songs on the iPod.

A Thousand Years Sting 5:58
All I Have to Do Is Dream The Everly Brothers 2:25
All I Really Want Alanis Morissette 5:25
All This Beauty The Weepies 3:20
Big Wheel Tori Amos 3:18
Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) Concrete Blonde 6:07
Comfort Deb Talan 3:16
Counting Stars Sugarcult 3:38
Daily Living Eldar Djangirov 6:12
Down to Nowhere Thea Gilmore 3:54
Dream of You Mary Fahl 3:44
Drink Me (Acoustic Version) Anna Nalick 3:03
Everybody Knows Concrete Blonde 4:44
Feelin Way too Damn Good Nickelback 4:15
Goodnight Moon Shivaree 4:04
Gotta Have You The Weepies 3:22
Green-Eyed Lady Sugarloaf 3:40
Hold On KT Tunstall 2:58
Hushabye Mountain Stacey Kent 2:38
I Summon You Spoon 3:56
I Want You Rachael Yamagata 2:56
In the Summertime Roger Miller 1:45
Infinity Merrick 3:21
Jonathon Fisk Spoon 3:16
Kiss Moi Sportes 3:27
Kryptonite 3 Doors Down 3:54
Life During Wartime Talking Heads 3:42
Love Hurts Nazareth 3:53
Make My Day yes but 3:52
Novocaine for the Soul Eels 3:09
Persephone Kula Shaker 4:43
Phantom Doll Tracy Grammer 4:09
Raise the Veil Lily Frost 2:42
Rollin’ And Tumblin’ Bob Dylan 6:02
Sexybeast Paul Sabo 3:51
Sister Moon Thomas Hellman 5:48
Sleep to Dream Fiona Apple 4:11
Song Beneath the Song Maria Taylor 4:00
Strawberry Fields Cyndy Lauper 4:24
Sweet Dreams Tori Amos 3:40
Take Me As I Am October Project 4:38
The Creationist Kerli 3:38
The Dreaming Dead Jesse Sykes and the Sweet Hereafter 6:04
This Will Be Our Year The Zombies 2:08
Trouble Over the Rhine 4:01
Velvet Revolution Tori Amos 1:19
Waltz of the Malcontent Lily Frost 3:53
Without a Word yes but 4:15
Writing On the Wall Blackmore’s Night 6:01
Your Rocky Spine Great Lake Swimmers 3:36
Skunkness

Skunkness

On my last night in Schaumburg, Illinois, there was a cute little skunk wandering around in the Marriott Suites parking lot. Awwww….