Oh – it was terrific to meet up with Nicolette. I picked her up at her house, and her next-door neighbor was kind enough to take a few photos of us (more here).

We went to Borders as planned, and talked together for quite some time.

I had forgotten how beautiful her eyes are – although actually I think they are prettier now than ever. There is a steadiness and wisdom in their depths that wasn’t there before.

That’s another thing I noticed. All my friends have found a center, a place from which they beam. It probably sounds strange to say it. Maybe it just takes wide experiences, a kind of building of confidence over time. Women in their forties totally rock. I wish I had been able to squeeze in a couple of other visits – especially with Jennifer R., who I just reconnected with before leaving. I simply ran out of time to see anyone else. It was pretty packed as it was.

I felt so enveloped by love and caring on this trip.

Well. I did pick up a book, but it wasn’t a novel. “Revenge of the Quahog” is a book of collected comics by regional cartoonist Don Bousquet. An example: A kid with a gift-wrapped box for a head, carrying books. The title is “Gifted Child” and his tee-shirt says “Wickit Smott.” You get the general idea…. lol. I managed to get steamers butter on it later…

Roy and Patty had a barbecue at their house in North Providence – and my cousin Allen M. was kind enough to drive from his place so that we could see each other. He is recently divorced (about the most civil divorce I’ve ever seen) and he seemed happy and more relaxed. I’m hoping that we’ll be able to do another Utah trip before too long.

Next day, I headed to Salem.

What caught my eye this morning, in no particular order…

• A majority of members of Iraq’s parliament have signed a draft bill that would require a timetable for the withdrawal of U.S. soldiers from Iraq and freeze current troop levels.
• Support our Oops
• The cost of postage stamps will go up again Monday – 41 cents for a first-class letter.
• Over the past four years, between 100,000 and 300,000 barrels a day (about $5-15 million daily) of Iraq’s oil production has gone missing, perhaps through “corruption or smuggling.”
• Still ok with nuclear power? Of the tens of thousands of federal claims filed by ill nuclear arms workers exposed to radiation, most have been denied.
• A billboard proclaiming “Life’s short. Get a divorce” caused such an uproar that city workers tore it down a week later. Nonetheless, the attorneys said that calls have gone up dramatically.
• The divorce rate is the lowest it’s been since 1970, for whatever reasons…
• Our solar system is bullet-shaped. No comment.
• It’s possible that King Herod’s tomb has been found.
• At Slate, see the illustrated guide to GOP scandals.
• Creepy republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is worth at least $260 million.

And (even) weird(er) news…

A drunken German man climbed into an emergency postbox for unwanted babies, slid down the chute and landed in an incubator. Medical staff found him there, smoking a cigarette.

Ummm…there are postboxes for unwanted babies?

Hundreds of babies have been deposited in the boxes set up across Germany and Austria since the scheme started five years ago. It came into effect after more and more young mums unable to cope with their newborns had been abandoning them on the street. The baby boxes offered a safe ‘no questions asked’ alternative.

I’m assuming it’s not like a roadside postal box. It’s got to be more like an ATM, right? On the outside of a hospital? I’m trying to imagine a newborn sliding down a “chute” into an incubator. How does that work? I want to see a photo.

The founder of SilentLambs.org has started up JWChildCustody.com to highlight the issues connected with JW divorces, and to help to protect the children of divorcing parents when only one of the parents is a Jehovah’s Witness.

If you are a parent who is going through a divorce from someone who is a Jehovah’s Witness, this site is a valuable resource for you. There is a toll free number to set up a free consultation as well as email correspondence for specific legal issues. Know that it is always in the interest of the organization for the children to stay with the JW parent. The Watchtower Bible and Tract corporations provide legal help to help ensure that this happens. Parents who may have left the organization are frequently “demonized” to their own children! There have been few resources as yet for parents who are targeted for this treatment, and little recourse in a legal system that remains largely unaware of the psychological issues involved.

If you are a former JW, please take action! Individuals are needed who can write legal affidavits (a personal, written, and notarized statement) regarding their personal knowledge or experience of the following:

1. Medical Issues – Blood and how you were affected: why you believed in not taking blood transfusions or other blood products of any kind. Did you or any member of your family suffer any kind of loss as a result of the blood doctrine?
2. Alienation from Non-JW Family Members, including parents and siblings – how (and why) you or family members made a choice not to have normal relations with non-JWs. How did you view non-JW members of your family if you grew up as a JW? How did others in your family view them? How were non-JW members of your family treated by JW adults and children?
3. Isolation from Society – How (and why) you personally were affected as a child by beliefs about worldly associations, school activities, higher education, careers, patriotism, and interaction with people outside the organization as a whole.
4. Theocratic Warfare – Your personal belief as a Jehovah’s Witness about being truthful (and whether you were ever encouraged to lie) to worldly authorities. What was acceptable behavior if you felt your beliefs or religion were being threatened in any way? In what ways or circumstances was there a different standard for within the organization, and outside it?

I am pleased to see some action on this area. The most heartbreaking letters I receive have to do with destructive family dynamics. Shunning and alienation from non-JW family members can be very extreme.

All by itself, divorce is a hard enough thing for children to navigate.

Silent Lambs has been speaking up for the powerless for some time. Thanks for caring about the children. I am very proud of Bill and Janet Bowen, and of all the people who have contributed – in all their different ways – to getting the message out there. Public awareness has grown, and there are now documented resources for anyone who cares to look.

Kudos to Silent Lambs – silent no more, victims no more.

Since the inception of silentlambs the purpose of the website was to give victims a voice, protect children and educate about child abuse issues. After hearing over 6,000 abuse stories in the last seven years everything that was stated in the beginning has proven itself to be the truth about the cover up of abuse in the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

We have simply asked for specific actions to protect children.

Report all allegations of abuse to police

Never reappoint pedophiles to positions of authority.

Never allow pedophiles to call on the homes of the public.

To this day not one of these simple requests has been enacted as policy of the organization.

I continue to hope that even within the JW congregations, there will be recognition that major reforms are long overdue, that policies of cruelty and fear and domination and exploitation show no signs of the spirit of love. I hope this for the wider community too…

This testimony letter gives a glimpse into some of the recurring issues. Thanks for sending and giving your permission to post, Angela!

I was raised by parents who converted to Jehovah’s Witnesses (from the Catholic religion) when I was five years old (I am now 32). My father is an elder and he and my mother are very active. I have six younger brothers and sisters who are all active JW’s.

When I was 18, I married a “brother” I had met at a quick-build. Five years later we had a daughter. After seven years of marriage, I found myself very unhappy and I decided to leave. My husband (a Ministerial Servant), along with the elders help, tricked me into signing custody papers that were not as they were presented. My ex and his wife have primary physical custody of my daughter. I see my child every other weekend and six weeks during the summer (they moved 3 hours away). I tried to regain custody of her, only to fail. Can you say “Parent Alienation?”

After I remarried, I tried to return to the Kingdom Hall in 2003 to be reinstated. I attended meetings faithfully for six months. I decided to write my letter in order to be reinstated. The elders on my committee told me that everything seemed to be going well and it would only be a couple of weeks before they made the announcement of my reinstatement. When I met with the elders a week later, they informed me that my ex-husband did not think I was ready to be reinstated… and the elders wanted me to drop my appeal that was currently in progress for custody of my daughter. I gave up and almost went crazy with grief for the sudden loss of my daughter, my family and all of my friends. I had to receive intense counseling to deal with the emotional pain.

Since 2003, I had allowed my daughter to attend meetings with my family during my weekend and summer visits with her. Things have recently taken a turn. I told my seven year old daughter that Jehovah’s Witnesses do not know if they have the only true religion… no one knows. Well, apparently she told one of my sisters who in turn retaliated with a very nasty letter that stated, “you are basically trying to kill her (my daughter) by telling her or trying to convince her that she does not have the true religion!” and “you now have the name of an apostate in my eyes.” That letter made me sick. My sister who had been my best friend had written these horrible hurtful words. She had been disfellowshipped at one time, but I took her in despite being chastised by the elders.

Since that letter was written, I have not allowed my daughter to attend a meeting at the Kingdom Hall while she is with me. She is around those people enough with her father. This decision that I have made will probably result in another nasty custody battle because my ex husband will not respect my decision… he will try everything in his power to program our daughters mind. She has already started asking me why she can’t go to the Kingdom Hall this summer. Her father must have her convinced that God will look unfavorable upon her if she doesn’t persuade me to let her attend the meetings. He’s making her feel torn between two worlds.

I too am in limbo. No one seems to understand how it feels to lose all of your friends and family in one day. No one understands how it feels to be treated like dirt on someone’s shoe. I have never done drugs, been a drunkard, beat my children, or murdered anyone… yet I am treated (by JWs) as someone who is beneath those type of people. The lowest scum of the earth. What gives those imperfect humans the right to judge me as unworthy of God’s love??

I have just begun to explore websites that are created by former Jehovah’s Witnesses. In the past I was afraid. I am only full of anger now. I want to relate to someone. I want to talk to people who understand what I’ve been through and what I am still going through. Thank you for taking the time to read about what I’ve been through.

Angela, I hope you know that you are not unworthy of God’s love, which is endless and does not depend on human organizations like the one in Brooklyn. Show your daughter better examples of caring, compassion, and kindness. She will remember, and in the long run, it is the best thing you can do for yourself and for her.

You are not alone in this, but it is a difficult path to navigate. Start building a more authentic life for yourself, and let go of some of your anger if you can. Document everything that happens (and do not respond in kind, no matter how tempting it might be). Take control of your own religious path and your relationship to God – prayer helps a lot, if only to focus and meditate. If you can, turn your focus outward toward acts of friendship and service – not door-to-door service, but the kinds of “helping” gestures that can mean so very much to others. This will help lift you up, stabilize you, and help you to rebuild a sense of yourself that brackets out these unfair judgments.

There are some JW boards where you can thrash some of this out if you want to, but ultimately it’s up to you to find inner strength (if not for yourself, for your daughter). Think of the mommy you’d most like to be, and start moving in that direction. The more you act out of the center of your soul, the more it becomes habitual. Take the good things you’ve learned, and dump the rest. God is bigger than their vision – explore your ethics and your spirituality for yourself.

As for your family and “friends” – I can only mourn with you. It’s heartbreaking, and I’m so sorry. Again, the best thing you can do, when you can manage to do it (it’s not easy sometimes) is to set an example of ethics, compassion, caring, and love. It is the only thing that might make any difference at all.

I have a good feeling about you because you took in your sister when she had been cast out. That means you have a sense of ethical priorities, which JWs usually have trouble ordering. You already know that the highest priority is not following the rules of an organization, but rather caring for others (and for yourself, too! don’t forget that). Take care of yourself first, so that you may then care for your daughter.

Arm your lawyer with any documentation that you have of any of this. Alienation of a child’s affection is a serious matter. That the JW elders sat down with you (!), misrepresented the agreement, and so on may be basis for coercion, and the judge may take that into consideration. Also, your situation is changed now, and that also has to be taken into account. As you have discovered, JWs will hit hard for children to remain in the custody of the JW parent. They could even lend your ex one of their own lawyers. I recommend that you do a little web research on Jehovah’s Witnesses and custody battles – there are perhaps some previous cases that may be of help to you and your lawyer.

Keeping you in my daily meditations, and sending you waves of healing and love.