Still sick, coughing, shivering, sweating, miserable. One good thing has come out of this, though. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and there’s one thing I know I can (and should) do to make things better.

I am quitting my terrible smoking habit.

Potential embarrassment and shame about failure will be a further incentive, so I’m announcing here there and everywhere.

I’ve got a quit date – next Wednesday April 15th. I took my first Chantix pill last night. and it takes about a week to kick in – and my birthday isn’t a bad day to quit. I (really, desperately) hope it helps me get through the initial stages of withdrawal.

I’ve got a list of various warning signs, and another list of helpful tips – and I’m trying to adjust my psychology between now and then. I’m not going to do any nicotine replacement, because for me that would just prolong the misery.

I’ve been thinking seriously about quitting for a while now, but I just haven’t had the will. Everything came together this time, and it feels like a good time to do it.

I want to feel better, have more energy, and get that smell off of me. I want to get my father’s flat hopeless look out of my eyes. I want to be free of this addiction.

I’m also sick of the snarky comments, and the increasing class distinction – although to be honest, that’s just one more stupid reason that I’ve kept smoking, in defiance and rebellion. Well, gotta transcend that too.

John seems a bit apprehensive, as well he should be. The last time I tried this, it didn’t go very well. I know he really wants me to quit, though, and he’ll be very happy to see me do it – once it’s done.

My posts for a bit may just chronicle this particular journey. Maybe it won’t be a big deal. Maybe I’ll be a little crazy. I’m not sure. Even if things are a bit unstable for a couple of weeks, it will be worth it to get to the other side. I’ve got a lot of support for this, and I hope that my family, friends and co-workers will cut me a little slack if I act a little bit uncharacteristically here and there. I’m a little worried about that aspect of things; it’s one of the reasons I’ve put this off. Ideally, I would be shuttled off to some cabin miles from anywhere for the first two weeks, but that’s never going to happen – and waiting for the perfect opportunity to quit has meant that I haven’t quit. There’s never going to be the perfect time.

By Ben’s birthday – one month after mine – he’ll have a totally smoke-free and recovered Mommy wishing him a happy birthday, and she won’t have a lighter handy for the nine candles on his cake.

There is one thing that I truly enjoy about smoking. The controlled breathing of smoke in and out of me always made me feel a bit like a dragon, the keeper of the flame, the mistress of the wind. I’ll miss that more than anything else.

What dragon species are you? (Stunning pics)
Fire Dragon Rage, passion, you burn with the essence of a powerful flame. You are powerful and majestic and dont let anyone stand in your way without a fight.
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What is your Inner Dragon (neat pictures)
Gold Dragon Your Inner Dragon is the most honorable of all. You are what one might call a Draconic Knight. Golds live by a strict code of chivalry and commitment.You like to advise humans in their affairs and shapeshift. In fact, if you’re a Gold on the inside, you might be a Gold on the outside, too – just in human form. Your favorite attributes are honor, chivalry, truth, kindness, gold, mining, protection, wisdom and If anyone threatens your humans or tries to kill you, you could could strike back with your breath weapon – Fire. But then, no one’s tried anything that stupid in the last 1000 years. Mainly because your over 54 feet tall.
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Which Greek god/goddess are you?
Apollo You are Apollo! Apollo was the god of prophesy, music and healing.He is famous for his skill with the lyre, and that he was responsible for the downfall of Achilles, a great hero during the Trojan War.
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Your Greek Goddess Soulmate (With Pictures) Girls Only
Goddess Athena You are most like Athena. She was the divine sponsor of warriors and heroes, she introduced several of the arts and crafts necessary for civilization, and she represented wisdom. Obviously, the goddess played a prominent role in Greek mythology. The poet Hesiod states that Athena emerged from the head of Zeus; indeed, she sprang out fully grown and armed for battle. The idea that she was born from a male underscores her relationship with men, both divine and human. In the human realm, Athena consistently becomes a protector of heroes; while in the divine she completely avoids sexual liaisons with gods.
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What is your TRUE name?
Aegle She’s the radiant glowing nymph who polishes the Golden Apples till they shine with Heavenly light.Aegle means: Light, radiance, glory
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How ’bout them apples?