The New Response to a Facebook Add Request


I admit it. I added people just to have enough players in games. I might have created lists for different kinds of trust levels in the network, but I still added people I really only knew in a superficial way, or didn’t really know at all.

One list is for people from high school – whatever happens with any of them is what people used to call “a trip” -always a journey of some kind, sometimes delightful, sometimes challenging. Sometimes I discover that there is really a lot more to like, or to learn, about someone. Sometimes it seems that whatever used to resonate between us in friendship is just gone. Another is a set of sometimes-intersecting groups of people who share a type of religious or organizational history with me, or perhaps even just an idea or interest. Some are friends from places I’ve lived, learned, worked – or just in the pathways of life. There are folks who are recommended as a potential mutual friend. There are, of course, the apps people. And others where the reason has escaped me; some of those have become friends over time.

I’ve defriended some people. I’ve been defriended too. It’s all good.

However – after two nights under a full moon – a moon of love, after all, in the spirit of Diana or Athena… I had an idea. It might have been the lightning. The thunderstorms. The synergy of thoughts.

I decided to respond to a friend add request with something more interesting than usual. It’s an experiment. Some may call me a snob or an elitist (do I care about your defensiveness if my response is “yea, I don’t think so?” A little. Not much.). Time is short, and thriving is difficult. It’s ok to have placeholder keep-in-touch Facebook friends. I don’t need to be in close contact with everyone. However, I want friendships that are fun, enriching, beneficial – or at least entertaining. There are all sorts of levels of interaction. From now on, there must be a reason that you’re not on the chaff list, to be – eventually – defriended.

There is a whole world of new etiquette through social networks, especially Facebook. It’s in development, changing rapidly. This is a time when such an experiment – just for my own interest, curiosity, and occasional amusement – might say something. What? I don’t know. Let’s see.

As a thought experiment, imagine if you sent your own version of this as a response! Oh, and current FB friends: Feel free to message me there in answer to this too – that would be interesting!

Do Your Own Version of a Friend Request Response

Thank you for the friend add request.

You look from your picture as though: Pick all that apply (you might have a sense of humor, you’re a fan of KISS, you’re part of a trusted group of mutual friends, etc.).

I’m responding because: Pick all that apply (we have mutual friends that I like, trust and respect; we have mutual interests; Apps; or other – specify).

Did someone recommend me as a friend to you? Are you using “Friend Finder?” Why, in fact, are you requesting to be added as a friend?

If I should decide not to add you – or in the future decide to defriend you – would you be interested in a farewell note in which an authentic explanation is offered to you? Or would you choose that I depart silently? Please indicate your preference.

Best, Heidi

Pros and Cons: If I’m wrong about the interpretation of a quick read from a photograph, it could be embarrassing. However, since I have no idea who the requester might be, other than what I can derive from a photo and any viewable pieces of the profile, I think it’s fair to describe first impressions.

Would such a response to a friend add request yet shock the recipient? I think it might, but I’m not sure.

Would posting this on the blog attract trolls? Maybe, hope not. I deleted something like “If you don’t follow my thought process, speak now.” It’s kind of mean, and needlessly antagonistic, for a first encounter.

Such a note is what I will send henceforth (can I get a trumpet, some graceful uncurling flag?). I can’t believe something like this didn’t occur to me before. I had a very basic version, but nothing that got to the heart of the matter.

I’ll keep the responses to myself, until such time as there is anything to say about it. If there is anything worth writing about, that would be fab.

Is there anything you’d add to this? Something I’m forgetting? Comment with your thoughts and ideas!

A Poem in Memory of Bob Detweiler


The ILA (Graduate Institute of the Liberal Arts at Emory University) has offered to honor Bob Detweiler by permanently naming one of their seminar rooms after him. Donations may be sent to:

Emory University
In memory of Dr. Robert Detweiler
Attn:
Jeffrey Prince
Senior Director of Development and Alumni Relations for Emory College
Arts & Sciences Development
825 Houston Mill Road, Ste. 102
jprince @ emory.edu
404-727-4494 (Office)
404-217-2778 (Cell)
404-727-1805 (Fax)

The Emory Report will also have an article on Bob in the coming week’s issue.

I’ll be delivering the poem below at the memorial service in the morning. When I’ve had more time to process all of this a little more I hope to write another, but I hope that this will serve the purposes of the occasion.

Nexus

In Memory of Bob Detweiler

We gathered here today as one
Make an unlikely flock,
So here is just a simple rhyme
To honor our good doc.

A teacher he, who greeted us,
And beckoned from the door,
And for each question that was asked
Presented us four more.

Some Jupiter in him – and Pan -
A touch of Socrates,
St. Nikolas for splintered ones
To put each mind at ease.

Grandfather to my Adelheid,
The alpine horn he blew.
(He had some running joke – I think -
With every friend he knew).

Imagination disciplined
Is what he taught us best -
To wrestle with the text unique
To BE THERE was the rest -

And maybe most in stories full
Of shaming, war and pain,
The book shows more than it can know -
Complexity constrained.

To find – in flesh becoming word -
A testimony true,
Behind the fiction, structures live
Transforming me and you.

When each of us recalls that sense
At other vineyards found,
We fire – like the synapse jumps -
New paths and meanings ground.

Extraordinary gift it is
When such a man as this
Combines the voices that he knows
As nexus of the mix.

For bare survival’s not enough
There should be celebration,
And dignity – respect and grace -
An artful life – affection.

Good company he was to us
To read – religiously,
Where it was safe to share our souls -
Write better ways to be.

No heart have I for coiled abyss -
No crafted emptiness
Wrapped up in ghostly metaphors
– And echoes of the rest.

If like the birds now – each to each -
We cry so differently,
We still take comfort – back and forth –
through our sweet liturgies.

Your work is done (… say “Hi” to Donne).
I miss your twinkly eye.
I thank you for the chance to talk …
Good-bye – dear friend, good-bye.

Congrats to Rosei


A big wedding congrats to my friend Rosei (Roseangela). May you and JP have a blessed life together, full of laughter and love and kindness and joy.

Rosei - Oct 14 2006 See more wedding photos!

It is very sweet where you said:

Now, coming to life again, I’m married! And happy in my new house, sharing life with an excellent husband. This is my life page now. Let us see the future of us.

Now…get that Ph.D. done! (hugs)

Tequila and Salt Special


And now for a positive recharge…

You may not realize it, but it’s 100% true.

  1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
  2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
  3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
  4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
  5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
  6. You mean the world to someone.
  7. You are special and unique.
  8. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.
  9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
  10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
  11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

And always remember….when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!

Well, if 50% of it is true, that’s still pretty good. Thanks for sending, Barbara.

This reminds me of a song from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. Something about being special and unique. It used to make me cry when I was little. Yes, here it is. You can listen to it too.

You’re Special – Fred Rogers

You are my friend
You are special
You are my friend
You’re special to me.
You are the only one like you.
Like you, my friend, I like you.

In the daytime
In the nighttime
Any time that you feel’s the right time
For a friendship with me, you see
F-R-I-E-N-D special
You are my friend
You’re special to me.
There’s only one in this wonderful world
You are special.

Almost makes me want to watch the show. Maybe we should have an adult version of something like this. A nice man sings to us once a day, just to say we’re special and unique. Then he uses puppets to model how to navigate emotions and problems and conflicts while respecting and caring for yourself and others. I’d watch it.

Maybe we could get the key members of the Bush administration to watch it…

and that thought effectively concludes today’s positive moment.

Recent Posts: