The fact that I first typed “font” is actually funnier to me. A “font” of information. Hee hee. I know that “font” can have a similiar meaning to “fount” but the latter is more precise. Besides, all I can think of is spurting bits of Arial (be kind in the comments – heh-heh). See what kind of sludge my mind enters after being exposed to this trash?

Enjoy these if you do, critique them if you don’t. I can see the humor – I can – but…. I’m trying to discourage further deliveries along this kind of subject line. Hear me, Troy? I like the pictures better – the birds, the bear, your studio, girls with tiaras… all of that is fine (hug).

“This has to be the funniest video I have ever seen.”

Translating the Words of Men

“I’M GOING FISHING” Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“IT’S A GUY THING” Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” Means: “Why isn’t dinner already on the table?”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…” Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” Means: “I have no idea how it works.”

“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.” Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD.” Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.” Means: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.” Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.” Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.” Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.”

“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.” Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.” Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” Means: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.” Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE” Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.” Means: “”Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”

“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.” Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

I’m always fascinated by “what counts” as a masculine or feminine “trait.” It’s so culturally driven. And I often disagree.

I’m 53% masculine and 47% feminine.

When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat more masculine than average. What does it mean for a woman to be masculine? Masculinity in Western culture involves participation in physical activity and strong analytical skills. But masculinity is more than just liking sports and analyzing problems.

Of the four gender types identified (highly masculine, highly feminine, androgynous, sex-role transcendent), I am classified as androgynous:

Androgynous: People who are androgynous have both strong masculine and strong feminine qualities. Androgynous people tend to be both action and people oriented, and are usually able to successfully take on a diverse range of roles that cross gender-role boundaries.

There were interesting charts showing norms for men and women on a variety of qualities (and where I plot on those) but since they were using scripting there really isn’t any way to display those here (at least not without spending WAYYY too much time on it).

Here’s the verbiage, though:

Traditional Masculine Qualities:

Sports Fan: You scored in the mid-range of liking sports compared to other people. You’re physically active, but it’s not an obsession. You may be more of a spectator than a player when it comes to sports. When making choices about how you spend your time, there are occasions when you really want to be active and at other times you’d rather be more sedentary. You may get competitive at times, but it’s not a defining quality.

Decisive: You probably have no trouble making decisions. You’re someone who almost always has your wits about you. You are generally capable of dealing with difficult, high-pressure situations and handling the consequences of your actions. In fact, you may even seek out roles and situations that demand your sharp decision-making skills.

Leader: You are likely to have exceptionally strong leadership abilities. You tend to be a self-confident, goal-focused, trailblazer. Being successful in life is probably one of the most important things to you. You’re not likely to back away from an opportunity to take charge. You may, in fact, seek out settings in which you can play a leadership role.

Aggressive: You tend to be high in aggressiveness. When you’re provoked you’re most likely to respond in attack mode. You may not be the one to escalate a conflict, but you’re likely to return insult for insult and blow for blow. You probably have a very short temper. You tend to be someone who feels strongly about protecting and defending what’s yours, whether that’s property or people.

Analytical: You are highly analytical. Complex thinking and problem solving are activities in which you are likely to engage regularly. You tend to enjoy stretching your mental muscles. When someone asks you an explanatory question, such as “How does that work?” you may be prone to give a more detailed answer than necessary. You are generally drawn to roles and situations in which you can exercise your strong analytical skills.

Principled Individualist: You are unique. You probably feel that you are very much your own person with a strong sense of self, and that there is no one quite like you. You are likely to have a clear sense of right and wrong, and seek to conduct yourself in a way that lives up to your own high standards. You have an internal ethical system and living according to your own rules is what matters most to you. Your approach to life tends to be positive and hopeful.

Traditional Feminine Qualities:

Cheerful: No one is likely to describe you as perky. You can even be a bit cynical or pessimistic. You don’t tend to be someone who simply paints a smile on your face even if you’re feeling down. When you’re happy, you’re happy, and when you’re not, you’re not. Other people who are extremely perky, peppy and sunny may even annoy you.

Compassionate: You are moderately caring and compassionate. You have a warm and tenderhearted side, but you may be more likely to show it to those who are closest to you and not just to everyone. You’re comfortable expressing affection in certain situations. You might be moved to help every person who needs it, but you’re also aware of the practical limitations of trying to fix every wrong in the world. While you sometimes find yourself in care-giving situations, you probably don’t actively seek them out.

Gentle: You are not especially gentle. You tend more toward energy, power and intensity in your demeanor. When you get angry or frustrated, you tend to express it. You’re not likely to want to quickly smooth things over or just turn the other cheek. You may find that quiet, calm, tranquil settings can be boring. Although you’re not opposed to peacefulness, you thrive on a certain amount of stress. You may even pride yourself on being a little rough around the edges.

Understanding: You understand people fairly well. You are able to see things from others’ perspectives and can usually empathize with people’s problems and struggles. You may have some intuition and insight into people’s motivations and goals. It’s likely that you have a friend or two that turn to you when they have problems. You might have toyed with the idea of being a therapist. It’s likely that you find yourself in roles and situations that call upon your skill in understanding people, even if you don’t actively seek these out.

Timid: You are not very timid. In a crowd you tend to stand out. You generally enjoy attention from others and may even seek the spotlight. You’re fairly self-confident and are not easily embarrassed. In a group setting you can usually jump right into the conversation. You can be very social and outgoing. When you first meet someone your self-confidence helps you feel comfortable and you’re probably good at making the other person feel comfortable as well. When you feel strongly about something, whether it’s positive or negative, you tend to have little trouble expressing your feelings.

Trusting: You are not very trusting. When someone tells you something you may require independent verification before you really believe it. You tend to be very good at telling when someone is lying to you, and it is probably rare for someone to deceive you for any length of time. You’re not looking for the worst in people, but you tend to approach life with the belief that things aren’t always exactly the way they appear on the surface. You tend to possess a healthy sense of skepticism.

Tickle Statement:

Tickle’s own research used the established measures of psychology as a starting point and we conducted our own studies to discover what masculinity and femininity mean today. It may be somewhat surprising to learn that society’s beliefs about masculinity and femininity haven’t changed all that much. What has changed is that in current times more people are scoring as androgynous and sex-role transcendent. This area continues to be an active research topic in psychology because gender identity can affect how we think, behave, and communicate.

Since I work for a company that specializes in workforce assessments and strategies, I can’t help but notice that these gender traits might be better described in the neutral language of DISC behavioral styles. For example, the power components (aggressive/timid) are about the use of force, the D quadrant. I’ve seen plenty of High D women and Low D men.

The whole sports thing has nothing to do with gender at all – and they are really talking about all kinds of different things – loyalty to a team and vicarious adrenaline and war games and exercise and health…. A dedicated ballet dancer is then…what?…super masculine?

Some of the categories are really more about prioritizing one’s passions and values – So, a kind compassionate man would be…..super feminine?

And they leave things out, such as communication styles (even though they give examples, such as Deborah Tanner).

On “trusting” – does this mean trusting of people? Which people? All people? Family, friends, strangers, in-group, out-group, authority figures? Does it also include trust with regard to tasks and objects – lower standards with regard to information, products, methods?

This just isn’t a good way to organize. I really wonder about where they got the “norms” too.

So, these things are fun, but I don’t really see that a breakdown in terms of gender makes any sense.

My own opinion is that there are behaviors and values that are socially coded as “masculine” or “feminine.” These break down too – for example, along class lines.

I don’t really think that there is any such thing (not in terms of behavior and personality), as an inherently “gender-specific trait.”

And of course none of this has anything to do with gender “identity,” which is a recent social construct that plays most often in debates and arguments about sexuality, not gender.

Ok, so here’s my opinion on the Michael Jackson story, offered from no particular professional perspective, but only from my observations of him over the years and my intuitive understandings of the strange psychology of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Michael Jackson does need psychological help. He needs guidance to navigate through the fantasy of magical princehood into some sort of functional adult status. But I do not believe that he is a predator, nor do I believe that he is (at least by any conventional profile) a pedophile.

The most sensitive and talented child in an authoritarian and ambitious JW family, his fame and wealth gave him both adoration and escape. Like an artificial castrato, when he reached a certain age, he became less able to access that escape and tried to reinvent himself. The black glitter glove, like a magic wand, became an early sign of his independence and will, but also reflected a darker side of his psyche. He wanted everything he touched to turn to gold, but he also wanted … protection.

He is, essentially, still a child. He wants to be loved and adored. He is narcissistic. He is playful – all of that is his private world. He is horribly hurt when he is not understood, but he doesn’t have enough touchstones in reality to understand why others can’t understand him, nor to clearly define for himself where the fantasies end and reality begins.

He is a gentle soul – a sweet soul who plays at being bad with a kind of innocence that has always touched me. He really seems to believe that in bringing magic to others’ lives he can avoid becoming a pied piper. If he had left it at the music, it would have been possible – but he wanted to make his reality into his fantasy. His wealth allowed him to do that to some extent, but his world needed a population of children to be complete.

Clearly he has tried to retain the outer image of his youth to match the way he seems to feel inside. He would do almost anything to avoid looking too much like his abusive father, too much like a black man, too much like a man at all. He has wanted the freedom of infinite possibility, without developing mature faith.

The results are plain on his clownish face, but it is a tragic story. He would actually have been quite handsome. If he does have the skin disease, it would be better not to emphasize it with the makeup – his own face has become a mask. His eyes still make me cry.

I have wished for many years to talk with Michael – there is something inside of me that yearns to help heal him.

When I was in high school, I was Hodel in the drama club’s production of Fiddler on the Roof. I got into a little bit of trouble over that, since my JW elders considered it to be exhibitionist, and – at the same time that the Thriller video was coming out – there was some discussion of the appropriateness of participating in the dream sequence that contained “a depiction of the supernatural.” That the whole dream sequence was an elaborate story about a false visitation from a dead wife, told to release Tevye’s oldest daughter from a planned wedding, was irrelevant.

Michael Jackson’s ghoulish face in the video made me laugh, and gave me courage to try all kinds of new roles – and it was also the Thriller video that started his eventual distancing from the JWs. The metamorphosis sequences of spectrums of transposed race and gender – those amazing faces in the later video – were perhaps the best example of morphing technology of the day. And again, I felt he was trying to transcend identity expectations and limitations. It could have been a story of liberation.

And yet somehow it wasn’t. It broke down. Perhaps he’s just in the closet. Perhaps he’s ADHD. Perhaps he just didn’t get enough education. Perhaps it is a version of self-loathing, to try to make everything, absolutely everything, different. Perhaps he has delusions of grandeur. I don’t pretend to understand.

Michael Jackson is one of a kind. I feel so sorry for him.

If he is indeed guilty of something like rape, he should (of course!) be brought to justice. But it’s probably not that simple. I suspect that there is some kind of truth in the charges. Perhaps he was too close physically to some of his child friends and made some of them uncomfortable, especially if they were warned about him – children don’t miss much. Or perhaps this is a way of distancing the child from Michael.

The presence of children is what makes him feel safe – but maybe precisely because of that, he may not really have understand them as true others – maybe to him they are more like pets. It does seem a bit that way with his own children (who I hope will be cared for by some of Michael’s siblings). Or maybe it just started to get too weird for the children themselves to be so near such a charismatic child trapped in an adult’s body. Or perhaps, to be most charitable toward Michael, he’s not really guilty of anything except being a temptation for financial gain by unscrupulous parents.

Normally, I would be offended to see a story such as this take precedence over discussions of the energy bill, medicare, or even the reaction of the British populace to Bush’s visit – but Michael Jackson’s story continues to haunt me. Hang in there, Michael.