A very spiritual, devout and holy priest dies and is immediately swept up to heaven.
St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates, and says, “Hello, Father, we’ve been waiting for you for a long time. Welcome to Heaven! You are very well known here, and as a special reward, because you are such a spiritual and holy man, we’re going to grant you anything you wish even before we enter Heaven. What can I grant you?”
“Well”, the priest says, “I’ve always been a great admirer of the Virgin Mother. I’ve always wanted to ask her a question.”
St. Peter nods his head to one side, and lo and behold who should approach the priest but the Virgin Mary!
The priest is beside himself, and he manages to say, “Mother, I have always been a great admirer of yours, and have studied everything I could about you and followed your life as best I could. I have studied every painting and portrait ever made of you, and I’ve noticed that you are always portrayed with a slightly sad look on your face. I have always, always wondered what it was that made you sad. Would you please tell me?”
“Well”, says Mother Mary, “to tell the truth, I was really hoping for a girl.”
I have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument to George W. Bush.
We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of George in the Washington, DC Hall Of Fame. We were in a quandary as to
where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since George could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, destroyed the well-being of the majority of the population while he was there, and did
it all on someone else’s money.
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.