• September 6 – After Bob Detweiler’s memorial service, at his daughter Bettina’s house



• September 12 – Attleboro High School 25/26th Reunion in Massachusetts



• September 13 – Favorite spots in Attleboro, MA (my hometown)



• September 13 – Waterfire night in Providence, R.I.

You See the World Through Blue Colored Glasses

You live your life with tranquility. You have faith that things will work themselves out with time. You judge all your interactions through the lens of hope. You try to get all the facts before forming your opinion. You face challenges with wisdom. You know that all bad things pass, and you have the confidence to see problems through. You see love as the utmost expression of trust. Your relationships tend to be peaceful and stable. At your worst, you can be cool, melancholy, and detached. You sometimes have to step back from emotionally charged situations. You are at your happiest when you are able to reflect and relax.

If you really want a treat, get yourself some rose-colored glasses. The world really does look better. My current sunglasses are amber. My old rose mirrorshades are too scratched up to wear anymore, and I haven’t found a new pair that was the right color and the right price…

You Are 40% Extrovert, 60% Introvert

You’re a bit outgoing, a bit reserved Like most people, you enjoy being social But you also value the time you have alone You have struck a good balance!

Hmmm… that actually seems about right. I’m not sure that it’s so much a balance as a situational flexibility. The extroverted side feels a bit less natural to me – a little over-energetic – and I can’t sustain it over long periods of time. I sink into a very comfortable groove when I’m alone – daydreaming, reading, listening to music, writing, observing, thinking, questioning… That’s my center.

Never Date a Virgo

Demanding, picky, and a total perfectionist – there’s no way you want to live up to Virgo’s standards. It’s not that you couldn’t please a Virgo… you would just hate yourself for doing it. Instead try dating: Libra, Leo, Aquarius, or Aries

So noted (My husband is a Libra).

Where's your dream home?

Mountains You might like to live in the mountains! With the cooler temperatures, and nature all around you.

Absolutely! But as long as we’re fantasizing about that, I’d also want some sort of personal flyer or hovercraft. Driving on mountain roads can get to be a bit tedious after a while.

You Are Not Destined to Rule the World

You are destined for something else… Like inventing a new type of cupcake. You just don’t have the stomach for brutality. But watch out – because many people do!

Not destined to rule the world? Darn. Because I’m not brutal enough? And here I was thinking that it was the lack of meekness thing.

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

Nurturer? I’m not liking the way this is going. First cupcake inventress, now this. It’s true that I’m very good to have around in a crisis, but I don’t really think that “soothing” is the first adjective that would come to mind…

So here are some about how the various places I’ve lived might continue to have an influence – or not:

You Are 52% Massachusetts

You’re likely a Massachusetts transplant. Big rotaries still scare you, and you probably live outside of 495.

Yes. Big rotaries scare me, but being born in Massachusetts and living there for more than 20 years didn’t change that. And yes, I think every place I ever lived was outside 495.

Iowa City wasn’t really so much about the rural life. The quiz didn’t even ask about the Amana Colonies! The best question was about the festival that is held in Pella; I was really, really tempted to select “Window” festival…

How French are You?

You got 127 points. You’ve finally lived long enough in France for other people to notice your existence!

Sure, NOW! Actually, I would move to Paris in a heartbeat if I could make a living there. I miss it.

You Are 32% California

You’re not from California – don’t try to game this quiz!

Ok, I’m not really sure that a summer near UCLA really counts… but it was fun.

I’ve been here in Georgia since 1992. Most Georgians still place me in the “damn Yankee” category, but Atlanta is a little bit different. There are people from all over the world living in Atlanta. I’ve tried to understand the heritage and history, but I would have to say “not really” on the pride. The weather is great, and I’ve met some wonderful people here, but it’s a tough place for me to live in many ways.

You Are Pinot Noir

Sophisticated and worldly, you probably know more about wine than most drinkers. You have great taste, and you approach all aspects of life with a gourmet attitude. You believe that the little things in life should be cherished and enjoyed… and of the best quality possible. And while you may take more time to eat a meal or tour a city, it’s always time well spent. Deep down you are: A seductive charmer Your partying style: Refined. And you would never call it “partying” Your company is enjoyed best with: Stinky expensive cheese

Stinky expensive cheese? Gah!

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

“What we know is not much. What we don’t know is enormous.”

Clouds!!!! Gotta get those clouds, man! They are SO DOOMED.

I KNEW IT!!!! I knew that something would interfere!

All I wanted was to see the MOON! Is there something WRONG with that?

I mean, how often do I get to see the gorgeous beautiful full moon, and during a partial eclipse too!

I had it all built up. No detachment for me. I had EXPECTATIONS. And I got Ben all excited about it too.

We all went out to see “Journey to the Center of the Earth” in 3D and it was fun. Then we went to the little airport near here and watched planes take off and ate calamari and chicken fingers and all that kind of thing. And we didn’t even mind when it started to rain, because it was muggy and the water was refreshing at first. We did eventually have to come inside… Of course, when the under-trained manager wanted to tell us where we could and couldn’t sit (the place was half-empty) I had to explain that our waiter was a bright boy and I had every confidence in the world that he could find us again. She actually persisted! So we all just sat down and I had to say in a sweet – really! – but firm tone, “we’re sitting right here.” But things were still good. They WERE.

As we drove home, I observed that the heat was steaming the recent rain right up into the air. Ben and I laughed about driving through a baby cloud. And then the sweet little bits of wispy evaporation had the NERVE to turn into cloud cover and deprive me of my moon tonight!

John crashed early, but Ben and I were determined to see that moon. Oh, we walked. Finally, we even drove. We climbed up to “top field” at his school, we went over to the grocery store area, where there were no trees. Not ONE BIT OF HINT OF THE MOON IN ANY DIRECTION!

We drove all around and I finally had to give up. We came back. Ben was mopey from the hopeless search. Where is the MOON? Where IS it?

I looked up moonrise, moonset, the direction.

Yes! Just as I thought. From our back deck, straight back into the horrible horrible woods full of huge menacing oak trees. Those trees, dropping huge limbs every time there’s a breeze, covered with purple meat-like fungus clusters, and all kinds of other unidentifiable sporey creatures.. Those TREES – always threatening to fall down and kill us, leaning toward the house with their rotten cavities gaping…. oh, they don’t like me. And I don’t like them right back. No wonder my boys can’t breathe right.

The trees often block my view of the moon, but once in a while they filter the moonlight in a charming blue-silver pattern so I try to forgive them. But it doesn’t matter WHAT I do, does it?!?! Nothing is ever good enough! I try and I try and it’s never enough to matter for anything! If I’m so damn smart why can’t I EVER EVER EVER…..

Those CLOUDS!!!!! They aren’t even pretty clouds. No individual formations are visible… it’s just a high diffuse COVER dense enough that all you can see is the pink-orange reflection of the city lights. Not a star. Not a moonbeam, not even a GLOW. Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

Ahhhh….. why is it that the universe conspires against me like this? Once in a while, can’t you choose somebody else??? I just want to be invisible. I don’t ask for much. Once in a while, can’t you be a little more F’ing BENEVOLENT? What do you WANT from me anyway? Don’t you have some peers for your reindeer games?

Bam! Bam! BAM-BAMMMM!

Blasted clouds. Stupid city where you can’t see any stars. Ridiculous pink-orange night sky. I hate it.

I hate it all. I hate this city. I hate this place. And it’s all the clouds’ fault.

WHY DID I EVER COME TO THIS PLACE?

ATLANTA? WAS I OUT OF MY MIND?

I thought I’d be here for a couple-few years, get my Ph.D., get a job at Berkeley maybe or in New England, and LEAVE. I never intended to put myself in this position forever.

And then it took forever. really. forever.

And my advisor… and then I … and I met… and I couldn’t even.. and it…. and it was suddenly too late… everything was too late… AND THESE CLOUDS ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF!

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I can deal with people hating me for being an educated white female liberal from Massachusetts (or Massa-TWOSHITS), I can deal with every insincere “bless your heart,” and every attempt to indoctrinate my son, I can even forgive idiotic and self-righteous conformity to profoundly destructive viewpoints, but really, NOW I CAN’T EVEN SEE A FULL MOON WHEN I WANT TO?

The CLOUDS ARE OUT TO GET ME! IT’s NOT FAIR!!!!!!!! And I’m SICK of IT. Sick of it. Sick of it. And I don’t CARE that I’m being unreasonable!

I’m sick of being forgiving. I’m sick of being an adult. I want to have a gigantic tantrum, and shake the earth! Thunder! Lightning! Wind! I want to SHAKE things and scream “What is WRONG with you?” And then, “JUST DO WHAT I SAY! DON’T THINK, JUST DO IT!” ARGGGGGGG!

EVERYTHING! I Fu…

Deep breath.

Loop it. Reality check – completely missing of course, but in kind of a cute way. Liking the clouds anger. Good scapegoat target for pent-up frustration. Kind of a Peanuts “curse the darkness” thing going.

I’m gonna SMACK those clouds, man. SMACK! Right in the face. SMACK. Hee hee.

Whew. That felt great.

Gotta let it out every once in a while. I think the clouds can take it. They’re stronger than they’re given credit for.

But those clouds – and water in general – owe me one.

Let’s review, class: I can’t even get up a full rant. It didn’t even generalize completely. Still, I think we’ve covered Projection, Paranoia, Anthropomorphism, Infantile Regression, Displacement, Scapegoating, Power – Command/Control, Catharsis, Humor, Cultural Intertextuality and therefore Intellectualization, ending with light touching of Magical Thinking. Oh, right, and Self-Pity, Self-Centeredness – an overall Temper Tantrum.

Because I was denied an archetypal experience of cool serenity, the antidote to my lonely bit of nothingless in the cosmos… and yet, I am detached from it, too.

Actually, things have gotten a lot better in the last year or so. Most of this anger is just old echoing stuff that I’m actually done with now. Atlanta’s not so bad, and it’s not as if I ever really belong anywhere anyway.

I do feel better. I just hate being disappointed.

If I can’t soak up the cool moon, a homeopathic dose of fire will suffice.

I may be living in Georgia, but the Red Sox as icon is in the blood of this Massachusetts woman.

I’m thinking that they must inject something in Massachusetts babies.

I have absolutely no interest in any other sport or any other team (well, not since that handsome Bobby Orr gave me his autograph at the now-defunct Boston Garden).

Everyone who grew up in Massachusetts knew the drill. Yeah, they were great. Yeah, they were likable and fun and had a great energy. They always did. But you knew that as talented as they were, they would bring it right up to the edge… and everyone would get all geared up… and then, somehow, they’d blow it.

I don’t know anyone who really believed in the Babe Ruth curse (the so-called “Curse of the Bambino” that fated the Red Sox not to win the World Series for 86 years after they sold Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees). Still, it always seemed like they just got so close… There were even some violent episodes between fans of the Red Sox and Yankees from time to time.

You should have seen me screaming when the Red Sox won in 2004. Literally. Screaming.

I’m not saying I condone any rioting… but I understand.

If only we could get this revved up on political issues…

I so wish I’d been in Boston last night.

Shoutout to my people. Love you Red Sox. Love you Boston. Love you Massachusetts.

It’s also a little too early for the leaf-peepers – that’s a good thing.

I arrived at Boston airport without incident (flying Delta this time!). I picked up my rental – a lemon-yellow PT Cruiser convertible – and headed straight to North Providence to my brother Roy’s house. The highways were a little scary, but my highway phobia problem is much less bothersome when I’m the one driving. There were no sudden expansions into too many lanes, and no spaghetti-like junctions. It also doesn’t hurt that everybody is going 65 or 70 (instead of 85 and 90 like they do in Atlanta). Whew.

Roy made a great chicken dinner, and my sister-in-law Patty’s parents came so that I could finally meet them. I hadn’t been able to attend Roy and Patty’s wedding because I was 8-1/2 months pregnant at the time, and the last time I was here, we all met at Uncle Ronnie and Aunt Ute’s house.

Roy and Patty are in a new house now. They have had to do a lot of remodeling because a pipe burst before they moved in. My nephew Dylan is still a little bit unsure about whether this is really “his” house yet.

Speaking of Dylan – awwwwwww. Just awwwwww. I’m having lots of fun playing with him. He is totally adorable. He is calling me “Auntie.”

My brother put up a big airbed for me – it’s a really strange sensation to sleep on it. The air is cold underneath, and I have a big quilt on top, and it somehow works out to be the perfect temperature. I have to distribute my weight a little carefully or I sink down in the middle. I’m sleeping kind of diagonally, but it’s really comfortable. It worked out the kink in my neck from the flight.

Yesterday Roy took the day off, and we went back to our hometown (Attleboro, Massachusetts) to see how things had changed or stayed the same. I was thrilled to see that they finally fixed the globe fountain at the front of Capron Park. Our old house had been redone and looked a lot better except that they had cut down all the trees and planted a bunch of frou-frou grasses and such out front. It didn’t exude that slightly ominous feeling anymore, though – that was reassuring to me.

One of my elementary schools and my middle school had been turned to other uses, but the high school looked pretty much the same, except for some clearly heightened security measures. Sigh.

Without speaking of it, we didn’t drive by the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

For lunch, we went to Willow Tree Chicken Farm. They make the best chicken salad in the entire world. We picked up a couple of sandwiches, and went to Slater Park to have a picnic.

We had the convertible’s top down and, as we drove into the park, Seals and Croft’s “Summer Breeze” was playing on the radio. Roy turned to me and said, “We’re in a movie, ‘Cruising with the N0rdb3rgz’” (excuse the slight warp there).

We laughed ourselves silly and were quite unreasonably happy and carefree.

We came back to the house and I prepared to go to Mary’s house in Cumberland, R.I. I haven’t seen her since at least 1982, and I was a little nervous.

How long have I known Mary? Here’s a clue:

Getting to her house wasn’t easy, either. She’s nestled in on a forested hill surrounded by farms – as I drove I saw signs for “Haunted Hill” and “haunted hayrides” and “homemade fudge.” The air smelled great. I got there a little bit early, and her husband was vacuuming. “Quit that vacuuming right now,” I shouted in, “I told you not to fuss.” Laughter greeted me.

Mary had quite a day. There was no air conditioning at work – that must have been a real drag (it’s really very hot outside) – but on the other hand, she had won $300 and a chance for Bon Jovi tickets on a radio station contest while she was driving into work.

She had a pork roast simmering in the crock pot all day, and made fresh apples with cinnamon to put on. Mmmmm.

She was just the same. Actually, she was different, too, like me, but her spirit, her “vibe,” was just the same.

It’s amazing to me sometimes that with some friends you can just pick up and have that same energy between you no matter how many years might have passed. With others, you want to run away screaming if you see them again – it’s like they’ve become strangers, and not ones you’d really want to get to know.

Mary made me feel welcome and completely at ease. We had a great, great time. I’ve got a photo of us, but I’ll have to post it later because I don’t have the camera connector with me. I met one of her sons – he’s 13, and very bubbly and funny like his mom. He showed me his two ferrets and sacrificed one of his blackberry grape drinks for me. I would have liked to have met their older son, too, but he was at work.

(More photos here)

We sat outside after dinner in their screened-in gazebo/tent thingie, and turned on some twink lights and talked about all kinds of things. Then we came in and had bakery-made strawberry shortcake for dessert (I think I might be gaining back that bit of weight that dropped off recently).

I drove back, and hung out with Patty until Roy got home from a work meeting. We had a little trouble getting Dylan to go to bed (that’s an understatement) but he went to bed right away once his Daddy got home. Maybe he was waiting for him.

So today I’m talked out and exhausted, but exhilarated too. I haven’t traveled alone since I was pregnant with Ben. I miss my family and my home, but… I really am having fun.

I have a cell phone now (my first one – I can’t think now why I was resisting it) and I’ve been talking with Ben and John every day. The very first day, Ben said, “I really wish that you wouldn’t have gone on this trip.” Nothing like a guilt-trip right away! (giggle). John’s swamped with all the responsibilities of teaching and writing and house stuff and Ben – but I think overall that’s probably a good thing. Moms, hear me.

He’s probably going to have to go to a department dinner later in the week, and we’re thinking of giving his ex a couple of chortles by asking her to babysit. Ben loves her.

This afternoon I’m going to Cranston to see another close girlfriend from my younger days. She changed her name to Kate but I keep forgetting and calling her Nicky or Nicolette (I love the name Nicolette). I don’t have much time to spare now, but we’re going to Borders for a cuppa and maybe I’ll pick up a book too. I haven’t read anything since I finished a novel on the plane. I’ve been using my iPod to get to sleep, but I am really used to reading for a while at bedtime, and I’m missing it.

Tomorrow I’m headed to Salem. I’m meeting Jan at the Witch Museum. She won’t step inside that “patriarchal propaganda tool for Judeo-Christianity” but I’ve never been to Salem in all these years, so I might get try to get there a little early and take a peek. I’m hoping that she’ll help me find a magic wand. I warned her that I want one that works – a teacher’s pointer with a rock on it, something like that (grinning).

I’ll be going to my cousin Aletta’s wedding on Sunday. It’s the reason for the season – I mean, for the trip. It’ll be a blast. She is going to ask the married women to whisper something in her ear, and I already know what I’m going to say. We’re all staying in Groton MA the night before the wedding.

There are a few other people I wanted to see on this trip, but I just don’t have time. Sigh.

I may not have another chance to blog this week, but I’ll be back Monday night. Hang in there everybody.

(Note: the photos were added on October 2)