{"id":1377,"date":"2006-11-05T22:22:30","date_gmt":"2006-11-06T02:22:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/2006\/11\/05\/hokey-pokey-shakespeare\/"},"modified":"2006-11-05T23:34:42","modified_gmt":"2006-11-06T03:34:42","slug":"hokey-pokey-shakespeare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/2006\/11\/hokey-pokey-shakespeare\/","title":{"rendered":"Hokey-Pokey Shakespeare"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Washington Post Style Invitational contest<\/a> asked readers to submit “instructions” for something (anything), written in the style of a famous person. The winning entry was “The Hokey Pokey” as written by W. Shakespeare:<\/p>\n

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
\nThen soon upon a backward journey lithe.
\nAnon, once more the gesture, then begin:
\nCommand sinistral pedestal to writhe.
\nCommence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
\nA mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
\nTo spin! A wilde release from Heaven’s yoke.
\nBlessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
\nThe Hoke, the poke — banish now thy doubt;
\nVerily, I say, ’tis what it’s all about.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(thanks Corinne!)<\/p>\n

I’m not the only one who enjoys it (despite the missing four lines which would have made it a true imitation). It has been blogged a lot. I found the original at the March 2003 contest<\/a> page. The author is Jeff Brechlin, from Potomac Falls. He won a shotgun shell salt and pepper shaker for his effort. Congrats Jeff!<\/p>\n

These other two entires weren’t circulated, but I liked them just as much. <\/p>\n

Here is Paul Dudley’s impression of Robert Frost’s voicemail (or answering machine) message. I’m thinking about singing it, as a tango, to the next telemarketer that bothers me during dinner.<\/p>\n

I’m not at home, or I’m asleep,
\nBut do not fret, and do not weep.
\nJust leave a message at the beep,
\nJust leave a message at the beep.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And of course, where would my sense of performative irony be without the inclusion of some fake Emily Dickinson (snort)? <\/p>\n

Have a little giggle, and pray that the lady of Amherst isn’t hanging around in any conscious form to know about things like being channelled by Jim Roy Wilson (Washington) for this consumer message:<\/p>\n

A gauzy Skein of Propylene —
\nThat sways with slightest Breath —
\nThis bag holds smocks — and Bread and Milk
\nBut — in its folds — lies Death.
\nIt sways and puffs — this Thistledown,
\nBalloonlike in its joy —
\nEach tiny mouth a perfect fit —
\nThis bag is not a toy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Try it to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas”… or “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” (the latter itself stolen for the old Coke commercial).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Washington Post Style Invitational contest asked readers to submit “instructions” for something (anything), written in the style of a famous person. The winning entry was “The Hokey Pokey” as written by W. Shakespeare: O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke, A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from…<\/p>\n

Read More Read More<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,13],"tags":[3100,3101,6170,3102,89,3103,798],"class_list":["post-1377","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture","category-humor","tag-emily-dickinson","tag-hokey-pokey","tag-humor","tag-imitation","tag-poetry","tag-robert-frost","tag-shakespeare"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1377","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1377"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1377\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1377"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1377"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1377"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}