{"id":5766,"date":"2013-12-08T11:05:03","date_gmt":"2013-12-08T16:05:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/?p=5766"},"modified":"2013-12-09T15:58:31","modified_gmt":"2013-12-09T20:58:31","slug":"it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.virushead.net\/vhrandom\/2013\/12\/it\/","title":{"rendered":"It"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am sick of it<\/em><\/p>\n

There’s always it<\/em> about which one is sick. <\/p>\n

Does it even really matter what the content within it<\/em> might be? It<\/em> is morphing, moving, ever-changing, like the ubiquitous they<\/em>.<\/p>\n

There is only the acknowledgement of the crossing of the threshold, over into the complete sickness of it<\/em>, and for a while, we simply quit. Systems shut down. Whatever you can identify as some aspect of yourself – all those endless bleeding heaps of body, mind, soul, consciousness, sense, interpretation, mood, preference, style – all of these fuse in a rare moment of union at the moment when you cross that boundary condition.<\/p>\n

Everything, everything says “that’s enough.” We – I – Us – are one! SICK of IT<\/em>. <\/p>\n

Danger, danger!<\/strong> Bad things could happen here. Voices: Run! Snap! Attack! But the best among the limited choices is probably – down! SLEEP!<\/p>\n

Sometime later, we recover enough, find that we have regained the ability to navigate around again, through and despite “it.” Wordlessly – without a sound or a thought – we slipped back under that threshold. Or maybe it<\/em> just backed off to regroup, waiting for another weak, dark (hormonal?) moment. <\/p>\n

It<\/em> is an ever-mutating cluster. To be able to look at the current constellation without despair or anger or fear is difficult, sometimes impossible. This is why we have spiritual heroes – because we think maybe that they can, however flawed they might be otherwise. <\/p>\n

You might be able to subtract feelings, but what is the method to transform or add? All these years – all these studies – make me spit in disgust when IT<\/em> looms. Worth nothing. Meditation, empathy, dreamtime, ritual, positive thought, body position – deflectors, not solutions. Everything seems pointless, meaningless – even hostile, murderous.<\/p>\n