My son Ben suddenly stopped calling his stuffed animals “lovies” and started calling them his “sleeping partners.” John and I raised our eyebrows at this. I talked to him about it and he says that’s what they now call them at the church preschool. Very odd.

I explained that sleeping partners are not stuffed animals, but real live people that you sleep with.

His response? “Well, then if you stay with me when I have a bad dream, are YOU my sleeping partner?”

“Um…no,” I say, thinking fast and furious. I imagine him talking to a teacher – “Mommy, my sleeping partner…” No no no.

OK, I try again.

“A sleeping partner is a grownup who sleeps with another grownup. You have to be all grown up to choose a sleeping partner. Little boys and girls don’t have sleeping partners. But you have something perfect for kids – a whole bunch of sweet little lovies to hug and to help you have sweet dreams. (pause) They aren’t partners because partners have to be equals.”

“What’s an equals?”

Sigh. Every try to explain equality to a 4-year old?

“OK, equals are people that respect each other and know that they aren’t any better or worse than the other person.”

“I’m stronger than [his latest buddy].”

“Well, maybe that’s a little hard for me to explain right now – let’s get back to the sleeping part.”

“Are they still my lovies?” asks he.

“Yes, they are still your lovies. And you have lots of lovies.”

“What do I do if they call them sleeping partners at school?”

“Tell them your mommy says they aren’t sleeping partners.”

End of discussion.

So then I talk to the people at the school. They are trying to move the vocabulary away from babytalk. I understand that at a certain point you don’t announce you have go to “poop,” that you then “go to the bathroom.” We all get training in euphemisms as part of the civilizing process. They evidently don’t hear the multiple resonances of “sleeping partners.” Rather than try to explain it to them, I just simply said that it was innappropriate and perhaps they could just call it what it is – whether stuffed animal, lovey, huggie, by name, or whatever. In any case, I informed them Ben was not going to be calling them “sleeping partners” – under any conditions. When he has a sexual partner one day, I don’t want him thinking of Simba and his blue teddy and Barney!

What on earth are they thinking?