Ben lost his first tooth today. After dinner, I dashed out to find a tooth fairy toy. My mom put a quarter under my pillow. I’ve been told that the average tooth fairy gift is $5 today. Since he already has a piggy bank, I thought it would be more fun to put an actual present under the pillow. Now I realize… it isn’t that easy to stash a present under a pillow. Going in for my third attempt…

This morning was also the first time that I dropped him off at school without a goodbye kiss and hug. We drove up to the door, and there were child-attendents to help him get out of the car. I had been led to believe that they would escort him to the class, but they didn’t. He just stood there for a moment, looking uncertain – and then there was another car behind me and I was waved on. It bothered me all day, that little lost face – but he told me that he was fine, only a little worred about me because he hadn’t kissed me goodbye. I guess we’ll kiss goodbye before we leave the house. Or, I could drag myself out earlier and we could walk to school.

I have signed off on two homeworks already. They were working on tracing lines and “all, some and none.” He’s gotten stars of approval on his work, but he is already a little anxious about “staying in the green.” I’m not sure exactly what is going on with this, but “some kids are in the yellow” and he has to “stay in the green” in order to “see a treasure” on Friday. I get the traffic light metaphor, which I assume has to do with being well-behaved, paying attention, following directions, and things like that. But… what “treasure”? And if there’s a “treasure” it seems a little strange only to allow certain “good” kids to see whatever it is. I’m reserving my judgment until I hear what happens on Friday.

He also asked me an odd question today. He asked me if I ever hated who I am. I answered him pretty honestly, and said, “Not really, most of the time I like myself – but when I was younger sometimes I did hate who I was.” It was a stretch to hold that facial expression of understanding when he admitted that sometimes he hated who he was…. because he wasn’t a superhero, and so he couldn’t fly!

Of course I told him that there were lots of ways that kids can be heroes – by being kind to other people, by listening, by standing up for someone when they are right, and so on. And I also said (although we’re doing the tooth fairy thing) that superheroes are really a story – and that humans can’t really fly. Only in airplanes. “And helicopters,” he added. “And rocketships,” said me.

I told him I wished that I could fly too – but not being able to isn’t a good reason to hate yourself. So he gave me a big hug and said, “Mommy, maybe I’ll just have a good dream about flying – that would be nice.”