In Memory of Little One: Little One 1989 – March 29, 2006. She lived to be 17.

My cat Little One was “named” during the time that I was working on my MA in Philosophical Theology and Ethics. It was important to me to affirm “just a little one,” especially as a counterweight to all the reading and talk about a big, universal, all-knowing one.

I took her to the vet because she appeared to have a hole in her lower jaw, in which cat food was stuck. I couldn’t clean it out well enough. I remembered having my wisdom teeth out, and so I was thinking that she had probably lost a couple of teeth or something like that, and needed it to be irrigated and sewn up, and to be given a round of antibiotics.

In the 24 hours or so before I got her there, she really went downhill. Although she ate and drank, she was listless and seemed very frail. The vet said that the problem was actually a cancer in her jawbone that had burst out. She was also severely dehydrated and had hyperthyroid and was probably in the process of kidney failure. She couldn’t get enough water or food. Even heroic measures wouldn’t have helped for very long, and she was most likely in pain.

I decided that it was time to let her go. I could have taken her home – she probably wouldn’t have lasted another 48 hours – but after the experience of having done that with Pookha, I decided it would be better for it to be a quick and painless death. She cuddled in my lap, wrapped up in a little blanket and purring, for about 20 minutes. I talked to her and soothed her and said goodbye… Her heart stopped before the injection was even finished.

Tip – After you’ve participated in ending your beloved pet’s life, it is advisable to sit in the car for a bit (and cry or whatever else you need to do) before you try to drive, no matter how much you want to get out of there and go home. I almost got into an accident trying to leave the parking lot.

I’ll miss Little One. She was a rescue cat, and she only trusted a couple of other people besides me. She and Pookha (d. 2003) were there for me when I was away from family, in a new place with no friends. They were my family all through graduate school, and were still with me when I married and had a child. They were my kitty soul sisters.

We do have one more cat, Zoom, who adopted us last summer. He is a total sweetheart, but both my girls are gone.

Now I’m the only female in the household.

Our son Ben got to say goodbye to Pookha, but not to Little One. John was unhappy that he didn’t get to say goodbye – but he understood. It will be more difficult to explain to Ben.

P.S. Yes, it was very hard to explain to Ben why he couldn’t say goodbye. We talked about how you make decisions when there are a lot of things you want to do and you can’t do them all. He says he’s going to miss Little One, and he hopes that she finds Pookha (and Grandpa!) in “that space where Heaven might be.”