GWBush04.com
Parody Site
Today’s Weather In Hell
Keep a close eye on this, in case it does freeze over! You can add a snippet to your website – it looks like this:
Alternative Retirement Home
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Royal and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Royal has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don’t even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Royal ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Royal will have a ship ready to go. So don’t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don’t forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
(Thanks Troy!)
Psalm 2004
Psalm 2004
Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want.
He maketh me to lie down on park benches,
He restoreth my doubts about the Republican Party.
He leadeth me into the paths of unemployment for his cronies’ sake.
Yea, though no weapons of mass destruction have been found, he maketh me continue to fear Evil.
His tax cuts for the rich and his deficit spending discomfort me.
He anointeth me with never-ending debt:
Verily my days of savings and assets are kaput.
Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me all the days of his administration,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
After my faithful Aunt Elaine sent me the above, I went looking for pages that would have posted it. I found a wonderful pro-Kerry site, Public Christian, which offers tons and tons of useful links and perspectives on why Christians should be for Kerry, not Bush. Biblical references, papers, blog posts galore.
John Cleese
The new John Cleese website launches October 27th at the link above. Meanwhile, here is his standing by joke:
How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.
All Along the Watchtower
Rudy Letter: All Along the Watchtower
Ok, I’m laughing now! Calling all exJWS! Read this funny letter from the collection of “Rudy Letters” (claimed to be real and sent).
Tom Kinton, Director
General Edward Lawrence Logan International Airport
East Boston, MA
Dear Mr. Kinton,
As you may have realized, people no longer want to see TV shows about cuddly sheep or thieving grandmothers. What they want to see now is “Reality TV”. As a frequent air traveler and as a business entrepreneur, I find myself in a unique position that will benefit the both of us. Let me explain.
I will soon be launching a TV show called “All Along the Watchtower.” The show will chronicle the making of an all Jehovah Witness Jimi Hendrix cover band. Thousands of Jehovah Witnesses will audition for the group. Their struggles, their triumphs, their sweat, their tears…. all recorded for the world to see. In the end, only five will be chosen to make the band.
I have chosen your location as the first stop on our audition tour and I wanted to contact you to make you aware of our upcoming arrival. Our fleet of trucks will arrive at 6:00am so our crew can begin to set-up the stages and all the digital equipment. We have decided that Concourse E next to Jake’s Coffee House is an ideal spot. We should be ready to start auditions at 8:00am sharp. For obvious reasons we are asking that people come equipped with their own tambourines. In addition, our judges will not accept any carnations from auditioners, as this may appear as bribery to our network advisors.
Please write to me as soon as possible to firm up these plans and with some estimates on how many potential jehovah witness band hopefuls you think Concourse E can accommodate.
Respectfully,
Rudy Schumann
Manager/Producer All Along the Watchtower
(He received a reply!)