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Benefits of Being a Former Jehovah’s Witness

Benefits of Being a Former Jehovah’s Witness

I was visited again this morning by a lovely Jehovah’s Witness. He seemed to be a very sweet person. I’m laughing like God(ess) was tickling me. In honor of that, this is a post about the benefits of no longer being a Jehovah’s Witness (beyond not having to go door-to-door on a blustery day like today).

I’d like to set the stage with a satirical treatment of the benefits of being a JW. An illuminating example is this post by the Theocratic Joker:

  1. Jehovah’s Witnesses can count the time they share their faith with nonbelievers door-to-door or with young children, thus proving to God, in actual hard numbers, how worthy they are to have everlasting life.
  2. Jehovah’s Witnesses are encouraged not to attend college, which promotes independent thinking and is controlled by demons. They are happy to get a good job as a janitor or a window washer.
  3. Jehovah’s Witnesses get to celebrate the birth of a child but not the anniversary of the birth. They also do not have to worry about birthdays, holidays and Christmas, all of which are pagan and controlled by demons.
  4. Jehovah’s Witnesses do not pass a collection plate at their meetings like the demonized churches do. Instead there are collections boxes in their Kingdom Halls and Assembly Halls, and they are often reminded from the platform and in their literature not to forget to contribute. They are also urged to put in their wills that when they die, their house, CD’s, jewelery, life insurance, and cash go directly to the Watchtower Society. The end is fast approaching so their families really have no need for money that should rightfully go to them.
  5. Jehovah’s Witnesses do not celebrate holidays so they do not have to be with their families during these special times to enjoy each other’s company and eat the cookies, turkey, ham, pies, and other such food.
  6. Because Jehovah’s Witnesses are the only true Christians on earth, we do not have the problems that other churches have with broken families, adultery, fornication, pedophiles, over drinking, and gossip.
  7. Jehovah’s Witnesses do not have to worry about giving food, shelter and clothing to the poor and needy in our community because we give them the Truth which will enable them to live forever in a paradise earth.
  8. Jehovah’s Witnesses are in close contact with God as he speaks to them through the Faithful and Discreet Slave and through the Watchtower.
  9. Jehovah’s Witnesses alone will live in Paradise where there will be no cars, TVs, computers, radios, theaters, washing machines, clothes dryers, refrigerators, stoves, airplanes, electric lights, or malls to buy or clothes. Just miles and miles of garden and lions to pet.
  10. Jehovah’s Witnesses go to a summer District Assembly vacation every year, at the same city every year and have a picnic at their seats during the sessions and then stay at the fine hotels that they are told to stay in.
  11. Jehovah’s Witnesses know the true meaning of the words soon, near, very soon, very near, so close, just around the corner, shortly, near future and rapidly approaching.
  12. Jehovah’s Witnesses do not have to worry about getting old or having a retirement plan. See No. 11 above.

Hopefully, now you can understand the many benefits of being a Jehovah’s Witness.

Now, for the benefits of no longer being a Jehovah’s Witness, I would love it if former JWs would post on that topic and link it in the comments. My dear friend Richard Francis started this ball rolling, and I think it’s a good idea to revisit this from time to time – so as to keep remembering what has been gained, and to feel the sense of gratitude that such remembering can give.

The first link is Richard’s list. Reading it made me very happy. The second link includes a few of the lists made by others responding in kind. In the third link, the benefits of leaving are implicit rather than listed, but you can see some heartening trends across all of these.

When I think of the benefits of being freed from “the organization,” it’s pretty overwhelming. Much of it is very difficult to describe to someone who has not been through that kind of experience. However, there are a few major categories into which the benefits tend to fall for me. I’m probably missing some, but here is the best I can do today:

  • Freedom: As many of the posts suggest, this is the overarching category. All of the others assume this one, which has two movements – 1) Liberating freedom from the anti-loving beliefs and practices dictated by the Watchtower leadership – from totalitarian control and fear and arbitrary divisions of thinking and bad argument and small-minded judgments to the corrupting complicity with all of the above – and more. 2) Authentic freedom to grow and thrive and be a real adult in all ways: spiritual, intellectual, emotional, existential. That would encompass such things as thinking things through for one’s self, learning to discern who to respect and admire, being politically concerned and active, giving to charities of one’s choosing, fruitful experimentation with diverse spiritual ideas and practices, sharing authentic friendships with anyone of your choosing, paying attention to (and trusting) one’s own gifts and calling, and much, much, much, MUCH more.
  • Love – as in a Deeper Capacity for, and Ability to: When you view other people only in terms of their possibly contaminating effect on you or their potential as a new convert or as points on your service report, when you view them as about to be murdered by God and as inferior to yourself, and when you are threatened by and suspicious of their ideas and feelings, it is pretty difficult to care and to be kind and to trust and to enter into dialogue and relationship with them. If agape love is reserved for the members of a small in-group, your capacity to love others is very restricted. And if there is no kindness even there, it’s a very stark and cold kind of existence. The love I used to know was always, always conditional – but the spirit is all about love, and the more there is love, the more love there can be. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). No-one is perfect in love because no-one is perfect, but when you can love others without restriction and prejudice, your capacity for love… increaseth (grin). Another benefit of this is that when you learn to love, you also learn that there is much that is lovable about yourself – and this helps to undo the habitual self-loathing that seemed to go along with the self-righteousness training.
  • Spirituality: My spiritual life is much more authentic, more real, more attuned, more… spiritual. I could expand on this, but I’d rather take on that subject matter in terms of specific topics. Suffice to say that there are substantial qualitative differences in the questions I ask, the kinds of answers I consider, and a different perspective even on such things as the role of “I” on the path to God. My thoughts about who and what God might be are radically changed, and that has made a huge difference. I’ve also benefited from a range of spiritual practices that had been denied to me.
  • Ethics: Yes, it’s related. There is a kind of immature ethics that can only define right and wrong in terms of what authority figures dictate or in terms of what results in rewards and punishments. Such an ethics keeps you in an infantile sort of relationship with others. A rule-based ethics can never account for the actual realities of people’s lives. Another kind of ethics is based on kinship networks and group loyalties, but is limited to those groups. As a post-JW, it becomes possible to develop meta-principles and relational thinking that try to take everyone’s interest into account, not just those of a few. When you do not fear to hear a wide range of thoughts and testimonies, you can ethically evolve beyond a reliance on projection, scapegoating and appeals to authority. It also allows you – if you choose – to consider the cultural and socio-political contexts of ethical claims.
  • Laughter, Joy, Celebration: Enjoyment of all kinds, with only the restrictions of my own sense of ethics. I can laugh, be happy, and celebrate whatever I want to – large or small, in a manner conventional or eclectic. I love this.
  • Creativity: I no longer have to feel that weird semi-ashamed veil that was thrown over everything to do with imagination and creativity. I can write, and dance, and sing, and paint, and imagine, and have reveries and insights and all the rest. I can be curious, and investigate, and think, and see new connections between unlike things, finding and constructing new meanings – those mysterious shimmery bits of radiance that I value so highly.
  • Communities: Plural. It is an amazing thing to be able to participate at will in communities -groups of people that share something in common – anything! What an idea! Reading groups, political action groups, online groups, groups based on ideas or hobbies or anything! Wow! You can meet and form relationships with all kinds of interesting people you’d never have met otherwise. This one is a very special benefit, partially because when I realized that I could actually do this, it helped to counteract what was an initial skepticism toward all communities (once burned, twice shy). More than that, the sometimes-overlapping circles of my friends now mean so much to me that I can really compare it against how it once was and see what a difference my friends have made. I am thankful for true friends and for the occasional gift of a real spiritual brother or sister (in a sense that makes a caricature of the words as I used to use them).

Obviously, this post is written for former JWs (and the people who love them). I don’t really think there are a great many benefits associated with being a Jehovah’s Witness. If you are a current JW then you are also welcome to post real benefits that you feel as well, if you wish to do so, and link those in the comments. I have nothing against you, but only against the cruelties of the leadership. There are so many paths to God, and maybe – somehow – this is yours. God has a way of using everything, and I have no doubts about how the cosmos handles complexity.

One of the huge benefits of not being a JW is that I am no longer required to hate spiritual paths that are not identical to the one to which I am called. Nor do I have to fear you – or judge you to be worldly and/or evil – simply for the reason that you are not part of an organization to which I belong. That’s a really, really big benefit from my perspective – but of course there are many, many, many people from many religious traditions who do not agree (may they be blessed).

Halloween Hate, but a Better McCain

Halloween Hate, but a Better McCain

If Ever the “Trick” Option Should Apply….

This one burns me up. It’s really just a small item, but to me it is symptomatic of a larger trend. I have been watching the transformation of Halloween by certain sectors of pseudo-Christians for a few years now. First, the kids weren’t allowed to wear costumes to school, and the decorations stopped being made. Then, they moved “trick or treat” time earlier and earlier – I saw some kids out at 5:30 pm this year. Then suddenly, it wasn’t ok to do tricks. No TP’d trees, no soaped windows, no rotten eggs. At about the same time as the ten commandments started to appear in front yards (why not the sermon on the mount?), some families just started boycotting Halloween altogether. “Oh, it’s a pagan holiday, celebrating evil and the devil.” Yada yada. So MY KID would go to houses and get NADA – even when the people answered the door!

I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness, and we didn’t celebrate any of the holidays. Either they had pagan or nationalistic roots, so they were all against my religion. Let me tell you, after Halloween there was always a lot to clean up. If we fled the house and went to Chinese and a movie, it was bad enough. But if we hovered in the back of the house with most of the lights out, we could HEAR people. (Oh, but we were pacifists. We wouldn’t shoot trick or treaters with an AK-47 like this guy in South Carolina. Sheeee-it!)

You don’t want to participate? Fine. There’s a small cost to you. It’s called a trick. It’s nothing really damaging, so suck it up. On one occasion, my thoughts were almost inclined to violence when I heard the sanctimonious explanation offered to my little kid for why he shouldn’t be celebrating Halloween. You can skip the smarmy lecture to my son! You’re fortunate that he was there, because I’m very qualified to argue with you on that topic – and more than willing – but I will not ruin my kid’s Halloween.

All of this is just the background for why what this Palin/McCain supporter did really pushes my buttons.

A woman living in a suburb of Detroit not only refused to give out candy to the children of Obama supporters, but actually posted a SIGN to that effect? Are you freakin’ KIDDING me? Observe:


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkBE0lWeYU[/youtube]

I am so proud of the kids and their parents who handled it so much better than I might have in their position. Me, I’d truck out at least a dozen year-old eggs. There is no excuse for this. It’s petty and small and evil.

I’m not blaming McCain, and I’m only blaming Palin a little, but I am blaming HER big-time!

Bad, bad, mean lady! Shame on you! Shame!

John McCain: Diffusing the Hate on SNL – Thank you!

McCain has been a little scary lately, and his followers on the fringes are even scarier.

One of the truly disturbing moments for me was when McCain addressed a crowd as “my fellow prisoners.” That’s not an incidental slip-up.

Who holds him – and us – prisoner? Terrorism? Neo-cons? The Saudi royal family? Big Oil, Pharma, Banking, and the rest? I wonder if he does really still feel like a prisoner, if he’s having flashbacks. Does he wonder about the consequences of selling out his previous integrity – or about who and what he sold his soul to, and what for? Does he feel like a victim of his own decisions? Has he identified with the jailers? If you know anything about psychology, you have to wonder what that mind-set portends. Seriously, is he ok?

John Cleese was astounded:


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uDdY974FWs[/youtube]

In that regard, the late endorsement of Dick Cheney probably doesn’t help.

I have been wondering why McCain has gone so much more wrong.

So far, we’ve seen two major turning points. One was years ago, when after having been relentlessly attacked by the Rove smear and slander machine, he suddenly did an about-face. I can never look at that photo of McCain clinging to Bush without shuddering. Something is very, very wrong there.

Then, some months ago, an acceleration emerged through that deal with… whoever… when he voted against the anti-torture bill. I had always counted on him on that issue, at least.

It was at that point that the scary smile started appearing all the time, and there was a clearly-visible increased stress upon his body. Every one in a while, you could see a kind of rage in him, and his brown eyes would enlarge into a kind of madness or dementia. I think he was trying to project righteous courage or something, but it wasn’t working. I could only hope that it was a put-on, because if it wasn’t then that suggested to me that he needed serious psychological and even medical help.

So I think McCain made a good choice when he decided to appear on SNL. He showed a better side of himself, and presented himself as more like the guy I remember from years ago. I loved that comment, “I’m a real maverick – a Republican with no money!” The QVC products were funny, especially the Fein-gold Fine Gold displayed by wife Cindy (I still think of her as Cruella – she really gives me the creeps), the John McCain pork knives, the Ayers air freshener, and the off-to-the-side Palin 2012 teeshirts (Don’t wear them until after Tuesday). I laughed when Tina Fey said something about the campaigns being SO expensive (as she stroked her lapel). The “Weekend Update” segment was pretty good too. McCain was very good-natured about all the different campaign strategies.

I like someone who can poke fun at themselves, and I’ve always had a little more respect for people who could do that. I think he did much better than Palin on the show. Given what’s been happening among some of McCain’s followers, I think this was a good way to start to diffuse the bomb they’d been building.

So – thank you, Senator McCain – thank you for that. I don’t agree with your current views and policies, but you’re not a Dick Cheney. I know there’s a good man in there somewhere, trying to do his best.

Don’t worry – you’ll be able to work with President Obama.

Revamped for the Election

Revamped for the Election

Too bad I couldn’t find the custom canines, but I think the fangs are clearly implied.

I am so very happy that I can celebrate such things. Jehovah’s Witnesses and other groups who can’t find the spirit in Hallowe’en are really missing out.

As the photos de-monstrate, I embraced my shadow and it was as thrilling and as unnerving as always. Found a few more worthy bits to reposition, save and integrate. Such exploration is palpably good for the soul (despite appearances).

I call attention to the construction of the word “demonstrate” with a hyphen. Why?

Latin dēmōnstrāre, dēmōnstrāt- : dē-, completely; see de– + mōnstrāre, to show (from mōnstrum, divine portent, from monēre, to warn).

To divinely portend, to call out a warning, to make manifest or apparent, display, evidence, evince, exhibit, manifest, proclaim, reveal, show, authenticate, bear out, confirm, corroborate, endorse, establish, evidence, prove, substantiate, validate, verify.

To demonstrate is thus also to un-conceal, to dis-cover.

Truth as endorsed warning and as authentic manifestation of such warning AS truth – but also holding a warning about that very act. A complete showing that warns about itself, like an Angel of Annunciation. But do not fear.

Oh, it’s a lovely emblematic truthing, but with a warning about that truth, too. The truth will set you free, but it’s not always easy.

The word “demonstrate” also suggests something to the ear – “demon-straight.”

Damned straight! Straight to hell! It shows what we most demonize, but what we demonize is also sacred to us because there is an attraction at the heart of the repulsion. It’s inherently unstable with regard to anything but its power.

Such signage can be archetypal and playful identifications can de-“monster” – precisely by letting the demon-monster live for a little while, so that one can pick up some of the good monster traits while letting go of elements that have been recognized (but no longer denied or forgotten).

I am not free of the vampire. Where is that body? Where is that blood? Gimme communion. Gimme carnality and spirit. Gimme unrepressed gratification of my desires. I would love to swoon. I would love to take a walk on the dark side. Of course, I pass out at the sight of blood, but I do love vampire novels. It’s all a dream, and to pick out the parts that really can be integrated into me, into my life, into my own sense of ethics and my own spiritual journey, is always enlightening. It reminds me a lot of the way I used to collect rocks.

I think McCain and some of the Republican Party are vampires, and that is what I despise about them. I do love to despise their bloodthirstiness, their preying upon the sub-millionaires among us, their cynical manipulations of the public, their disregard of what it takes for people and countries to thrive. And it’s true – so true – that they are vampires in these ways.

But Barack Obama is right, I think, not to manifest and feed that set of truths because it can’t be taken playfully or dissipated with court-jester humor that speaks truth. It’s too real, and the consequences are too important. The alternative is to recognize, but to lead with an different vision, one that refuses to demonize others. We are all Americans, after all, and a President should think of just as many of the people as he or she can.

I think it is wise to have elections a few days after Hallowe’en, and it is especially important this year. It works the same way as a picture of Cheney as the Evil Emperor with George W as Darth Vader; the fear that is inspired by the recognition of a deep truth in it is – at the same time – dissipated through its very manifestation. They really ARE those characters, and thank goodness they really aren’t.

I have been fearing that what (at least a subset of) the Republicans are trying to catalyze will work, and that hatred and violence will escalate. I am hoping that projections of evil otherness must at some point become so obvious, so de-monstrable even to the far-right wing, that they will just fall down and implode. It looks a little better now for the latter scenario than it did even a week ago.

After such playful shadow-work as seems inherent in the celebrations and rituals of Hallowe’en, I am less angry, and much more hopeful.

Remedy for A Curmudgeonly Mood

Remedy for A Curmudgeonly Mood

When I find myself in a curmudgeonly state, I listen to episodes of StoryCorps. I used to listen to it on NPR’s Morning Edition on the way to work on Fridays, but my car radio doesn’t work anymore. Now I listen via podcast.

I honestly don’t know anything that more predictably awakens my love for humanity than listening to these recordings. All the complexities and quirks of human being are there, and those things are always kind of new and surprising and wonderful.

I started listening to try to improve my skill at writing dialogue. I wanted to listen to a range of “real voices” very quickly. But I fell in love with it. Listening to the experiences of others is a form of loving. It is a form of spiritual practice, one I tend not to value enough in the world of everyday existence.

You can’t listen to many of these and continue to think in exclusively negative terms about people. During this election season, I’ve been desperate enough that I have even gone back into the archives. They are short. Sweet. Highly recommended.

The podcasts are supported by the Fetzer Institute as part of its Campaign for Love and Forgiveness (loveandforgive.org). All the recordings are being saved for the Library of Congress and, if you know someone with an interesting experience to relate, you can arrange to record that story, too.

Listening to people telling their stories helps us all to remember and to really feel why hating or fearing other people is not going to be any kind of solution to anything.

It sounds trite, but when mind and body and spirit are in agreement, it’s a powerful thing, and we have so few opportunities for that sometimes. I could feel the endorphins flood my system. No kidding.

Really paying attention also develops the inclination to do so more often – and with more people, and a wider range of people. Sometimes there are amazing experiences that people have undervalued for years… the woman who would not be deterred from voting, the romance that took decades to come to fruition, the very first jumpshot, the reason why Grampa grins when you say that word. There are stories all around you.

Beliefs and values come from the stories of people’s lives. One thing that everyone could do is to ask! “Have you experienced something that informed your view of this issue?” Maybe if we shared our stories more often, we might start to understand how to negotiate through some of the more difficult issues we face. Maybe if we listened to people who have had different experiences than we have, it might help to heal all the communication pathologies that are so clearly evident today. When you listen, and read, and think about real experiences from different perspectives and places and times, it also makes you a little more impervious to manipulation.

The heart of StoryCorps is the conversation between two people who are important to each other: a son asking his mother about her childhood, an immigrant telling his friend about coming to America, or a couple reminiscing on their 50th wedding anniversary. By helping people to connect, and to talk about the questions that matter, the StoryCorps experience is powerful and sometimes even life-changing.

Our goal is to make that experience accessible to all, and find new ways to inspire people to record and preserve the stories of someone important to them. Everybody’s story matters and every life counts.

Just as powerful is the experience of listening. Whenever people listen to these stories, they hear the courage, the humor, the trials and triumphs of an incredible range of voices.

By listening closely to one another, we can help illuminate the true character of this nation reminding us all just how precious each day can be and how truly great it is to be alive.

-Dave Isay, Founder, StoryCorps

On the home page, there is a subject index for you to pick a topic. Enjoy.

StoryCorps: Listen Here