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Massachusetts Part 3

Massachusetts Part 3

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We drove into Cambridge so that John could hand-deliver his manuscript to The MIT Press. I was still printing out the monster – almost 900 pages of it – at 3 a.m. the night (morning) before we left Atlanta. He went out to lunch with his editor (who was kind enough to lend me a good neighborhood map).

While John was doing that, I took Ben to the Boston Museum of Science (we used to call it the “Boston Science Museum” – did they change the order?). Wow. Just as wonderful as I remembered. Ben was enchanted. We took pictures of our shadows, and blended our faces in the window/mirrors, and looked at the little robots, and all sorts of other things.

Lights and mirrors

We even went to the Gunther von Hagens BodyWorlds 2 exhibit. It was a bit edgy for a 6-year-old, but I kept an eye on him to see his reaction. There was only one awkward moment – he asked a funny question, and several people turned around to look. I answered it in a fairly straightforward way, and he was reassured.

bodyworlds2

For the squeamish, I should mention that they don’t really look like what they are. The plastination process makes everything look like a very advanced model, not the real thing. There is no smell, no sense of death at all. And they are beautiful. The sheer complexity! I was looking at a very thin cross-section of someone’s leg, and the textures reminded me of aquatic lifeforms – like sponges. After about 20 minutes or so, Ben was ready – get this – to go get some lunch. He said that he was bored of looking at all the humans. He wanted to eat (and then go to the museum store and then look at the big dinosaur again). We had lunch looking out on the river.

Overlooking the river from the Boston Science Museum cafeteria

See the reflections on the glass?

We had a somewhat scary moment when I realized that John’s cellphone, that I was carrying, had died. Since we hadn’t set a time or place to meet up again, I finally called the Press and left a message, which was a bit garbled in delivery. We found each other, finally, in the lobby of the museum.

I never did stop in to visit my hometown (which John has never seen). I would have liked to see a few more friends in the eastern Massachusetts/Providence, R.I. area (Jan, Mary, Lorna…and yes! you too Nicolette! and others!), and some of my extended family. We ran out of time.

Later than we had planned, we got into the car, navigated through the tunnels, and headed west on the Massachusetts Turnpike (the Mass Pike, the Pike), directly into the setting sun – toward Amherst.

To be continued…
(but not tonight…)

Lila

Lila

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Ben has named the kitten Lila. She is thriving, and very cute. I can hear Ben’s peals of laughter when they play together. Last night, he fell asleep on the couch – she was nestled in on his neck, with one little paw resting on his chin. Awww.

The Kitten with the M on its Head

The Kitten with the M on its Head

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I was in the middle of a coaching call yesterday (training a trainer on DISC theory and workplace applications) when a post-it was stuck onto the desk before me. It read, “Did you say that it was ok for your son to bring home a kitten? Call hubby.”

No, I never said that (of course), but I had to continue with the call for almost another 45 minutes.

When I was finally able to call home, it turned out that the kitten signal wasn’t from Ben (6) but from Evan (24). He was “sure that I would want him to” bring us one of a litter of very young kittens that were abandoned at the back doorstep of where he works.

Well, I’m not sure the timing is good for a pet, but I’m sure you know what happened we saw this little creature:

The cat – Ben wants to call it “Stripe” or something that starts with an “M” – was shaky and scared last night, so I ended up cuddling it out on the couch all night. Of course, he/she seemed to think that 4 am was the perfect play-hour.

I’m sure this cat is too young to be away from its mother. He (or she?) won’t drink any water or milk (should I try Similac? I actually have some). Some dry kitten food and a few bits of Ben’s Eggo is all the kitten has had. I’m not sure if it knows how to use the litterbox, but there’s been no activity of any kind in almost 24 hours now.

I’m going to call the vet tomorrow, but any sharing of the kitten wisdom would be welcome. I’ve not dealt with one this young before.

JW Family Refuse to Communicate

JW Family Refuse to Communicate

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On the topic of how Jehovah’s Witnesses divide families, from the “Ask a Former JW” mailbag:

Basically, the whole of my mothers side of my family are JW’s. She was disfellowshipped when she was around 18-19 but wasn’t told then that she was not supposed to talk to people who were still members of the religion. Since then she was married to my father who was not a JW, had me and my brother and sister, then was divorced from my father.

Around 3-4 years ago my mother was approached by my aunt, who is still a member, and was told then that she was no longer allowed to see or have any communication with my cousins and the rest of the family who were still members.

I was just wandering if, what had happened, was right to have happened? if these JW “rules of life” permit such things? My mother has had difficulty speaking to ANY of her family since that day, and it doesn’t feel like any sort of religion should warrant that sort of treatment. Any info you may have would be extremely helpful.

– Sami

Dear Sami –

I completely agree with you that the dynamic here is wrong, unethical, and lacking in compassion, kindness, or family love.

Unfortunately for former-JWs (and for non-JW family members who are affected by it), this treatment is very common and even encouraged. Former JWs are considered to be even worse than “worldly associations.” Disfellowshipped Jehovah’s Witnesses are described in the harshest of terms, no matter what the reasons were for leaving the group. The same treatment applies to anyone who is disfellowshipped, whether it was for murder, rape, homosexual acts, being a whistleblower, asking pointed questions, having a less than submissive attitude toward elders and policies, or even smoking a cigarette.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are strongly encouraged, using several methods of “spiritual guidance,” to be loyal to the organization first. For some, that loyalty is even stronger than their feeling for God. The Watchtower Society and its affiliated corporations are very controlling and authoritarian – even totalitarian. They motivate with fear.

Unfortunately, your family members (like many, many others) prioritize the shaky biblical interpretations of a dozen men in New York over their connection to your mother. She has been demonized in their regard; they hold her in contempt. Her family may even fear that she is somehow contagious, or a contaminant or toxin (actually, this whole view of otherness and evil, along with their views on blood transfusions, first got me interested in the topics of my PhD dissertation).

The bottom line is that JWs will tend to err on the side of caution when following the directives of the Watchtower Society. Anything that they believe may potentially interfere with their reward of “everlasting life on paradise earth” (once the Jehovah-God very shortly destroys this “system of things”) is to be avoided… at all costs. They entirely miss the Christian message.

Just a sampling of some of the messages the family would have received (instead of ones which might emphasize love and forgiveness and grace):

“We must hate [the disfellowshipped person] in the truest sense, which is to regard with extreme active aversion, to consider [the disfellowshipped person] as loathsome, odious, filthy, to detest.”
Watchtower 10/1/1952 (p 599)

“In the case of the disfellowshipped relative who does not live in the same home, contact with him is also kept to what is absolutely necessary. As with secular employment, this contact is limited and even curtailed completely if at all possible. We should not see how close we can get to relatives who are disfellowshipped from Jehovah’s organization, but we should ‘quit mixing in company’ with them.

What if a person cut off from God’s congregation unexpectedly visits dedicated relatives? What should the Christian do then? If this is the first occurrence of such visit, the dedicated Christian can, if his conscience permits, carry on family courtesies on that particular occasion. However, if his conscience does not permit, he is under no obligation to do so. If courtesies are extended, though, the Christian should make it clear that this will not be made a regular practice. . . . The excommunicated relative should be made to realize that his visits are not now welcomed as they were previously when he was walking correctly with Jehovah.”
Watchtower 7/15/63 (pp.443-44)

“And we all know from our experience over the years that a simple “Hello” to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshipped person?”
Watchtower 1/15/81 (“If a Relative is Disfellowshipped,” p. 26-31)

“Such ones willfully abandoning the Christian congregation thereby become part of the ‘antichrist.’ (1 John 2:18,19)”
Watchtower 7/15/85

“Former friends and relatives might hope that a disfellowshipped one would return; yet out of respect for the command at 1 Corinthians 5:11, they do not associate with an expelled person.”
Watchtower 4/15/91

“Why is it loving to expel an unrepentant wrongdoer from the congregation? Doing so is an expression of love for Jehovah and his ways. (Psalm 97:10) This action shows love for those pursuing a righteous course because it removes from their midst one who could exercise a bad influence on them. It also protects the purity of the congregation.”
Watchtower 7/15/95

“Sometimes Christian parents have accepted back into their home for a time a disfellowshipped child who has become physically or emotionally ill. But in each case the parents can weigh the individual circumstances. Will he bring ‘leaven’ into the home?”
Our Kingdom Ministry 2/2002

The destructive ways that JWs affect the larger dynamics of family are evident in testimonies, divorce case papers, and the news. Google some likely phrases, and you will have no problem finding material (see my JW-related links page). Here are just a handful:

Couple’s faith tested
The Yarmouth Mercury, UK/September 28, 2006
By Miles Jermy


Witnesses cost me my family
Halifax Herald (Canada), February 13, 2000
By Susan LeBlanc

Cast out: Religious shunning provides an unusual background in the Longo and Bryant slayings
The Register-Guard/March 2, 2003
By Karen McCowan

Jehovah’s Witnesses: A Threat To The Social Family Fabric by Victor Escalante

Busy, hectic – but… VOTE

Busy, hectic – but… VOTE

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I’ve been missing in action, I know. I’ll write all about the following when I get more than a couple of minutes.

  1. Quick trip to the Alabama shore for J’s family reunion
  2. Visit from my cousin A
  3. Halloween/Samhain festivities
  4. Making some calls to remind progressive voters in swing races to vote (Moveon.org)
  5. Catching up on the hundreds of backlogged emails
  6. Preparing for a trip to see some of my family and friends in Massachusetts
  7. Helping J to meet his end-of-month book deadline – permissions, scanning, reformatting, endnotes – and trying to keep household things from sliding any worse than they already are under those deadline conditions.

Um. I think that’s it, other than some household repair things (too tedious to get into) and the sorts of things (sleeping, brushing teeth, etc.) that you have to do – and which take up time – but that don’t “count” on a list like this.

I didn’t even have a chance to make my usual Halloween page. Boo.

When I get a little breathing room, I’ll post a couple of pics, and fill in some details. I suspect the blogging will be a bit light until that book gets turned in, though – so just in case I get completely overwhelmed, I’d better say this one thing to all you American progressives, populists, greens, democrats – oh heck, anyone to the LEFT of Attila the Hun:

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Catch up? Let go?

Catch up? Let go?

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I’ve been feeling a certain amount of (self-imposed) pressure to keep up with every action and every political development here. Obviously, I can’t do that. There are people who actually receive a salary to do so, and you can find them all over the web. Anyone who has read this blog knows that I would be disappointed in McCain and others for caving on the torture provisions, that I would probably rant on the strategy of seeming to attack the Geneva Conventions directly (knowing it wouldn’t fly) only to “settle” on grandfathered pardons for CIA torturers and the introduction of “alternative procedures” and the ability to label anyone they want to as a terrorist – which is what they wanted in the first place. America the beautiful, torturer in chief. So on and so on. A lot has been happening.

And of course, I have a number of backlogged announcements in my email. Attorney General Gonzales actually stood up to defend the actions of the US in the false imprisonment, rendition to Syria, and torture of an innocent Canadian. Baghdad’s Camp Cropper, which started out as a bunch of tents, is now a $60 million “state-of-the-art” prison, paid for by us. Another industry anti-regulation ideologue (Susan Dudley) has been nominated by the White House for a position that requires the opposite concerns of the person nominated. This time it’s at the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs, an office that makes decisions about the safety of the air we breathe, the cars we drive, the medicines we take and the water we drink. Top housing official (Alphonso Jackson) has been instructing staff to cut out Democrats when awarding HUD contracts – in violation of the law, of course. Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH) gets to keep his congressional pension after he serves his prison time for selling his votes for money. Government auditors responsible for monitoring leases for oil and gas on federal property say the Interior Department suppressed their efforts to recover more than $30 million from energy companies that were cheating the government. The National Black Republican Association is running an ad accusing Democrats of starting the Ku Klux Klan. They also say Martin Luther King Jr. was a Republican. Sigh. Medicare physician payment rates are set to be cut by more than 5 percent starting Jan. 1, 2007, and by nearly 40 percent over the next nine years, just as Baby Boomers are starting to retire. The FCC destroyed their own study when it proved media consolidation reduces local news coverage. Yada yada.

I can’t keep up with the landslide of these kinds of stories, and even if I could, I’m not sure that it really makes much difference. So you may notice some changes in the blog. I’m not going to try to cover the whole range. I’m just going to address what I’m thinking about that day. It might be political, or cultural, or religious, or creative, or just silly. We’ll see.

I’m still looking for a full-time job, and increasingly disappointed that my Ph.D. hasn’t allowed me to net a job here. I’ve not limited my search to the fields of my training. I’ve not limited my search even to academia. I’ve always worked part-time, even while I was in graduate school, but I don’t have a “last salary” to enter on an internet form. I would be an asset in many ways, except perhaps in accounting or sales (it’s a little too much like “witnessing” for me). I’ve been applying for several jobs a week over the last two years. Bupkis! – a big nothing.

I’m just a bit discouraged. However, I have a lot to be happy about, too. One great thing about getting older is that you get better at dealing with life’s oddities.

Here’s the thing, though. Just when you might be feeling that you’re doing pretty well (all things considering), the big black boot in the sky appears to smash into your head. “Wake up and pay attention! Time to grow again! It’s GOOD for your CHARACTER!” It’s been a while since I really felt existentially shaken, and I guess it was time for me to take some kind of next step. It’s strange the way some things can affect you more than others. Sometimes, I’m calm and collected in the middle of chaos and disaster. Other times, something that doesn’t look like such a catastrophe can knock me down on my butt.

I’ve been knocked down in a way that has been affecting the way I respond to everything for the last couple of days. I’ve got to find a better way through it. It’s a challenge, something much more difficult even than I would have thought it would be (if I had thought about it). A family member has acquired some mistaken and surprisingly negative ideas about me. I spent much of yesterday trying to respond to an email that made me burst into sobs whenever I looked at it. I’m not normally much of a weeper – I’m more of a stoic, or maybe – in extreme situations – a cocoonist. The assumptions and views that were expressed – and what they implied – deeply, deeply hurt me in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time. I don’t know whether or not we will be able to work out the problems and misunderstandings, and the repercussions of not doing so would be very sad for both our families. I’ve responded as best I can, but I suspect that it won’t make much difference. It feels like a fundamental loss, a kind of death. It might even be just mourning for something that was never really there in the first place. Right now, I couldn’t say for sure.

I’m blown back, yes, but there are other aspects of my life now that can’t be ignored or abandoned just because I got a big electric shock. That’s a funny image, but that’s what it felt like – one of those cartoons where a character gets hold of a wire or something, and big lightening-bolt images fly from their contact. I could almost hear the sound effect. ZAP-zappp-booOOOm.

So I’m just taking it a bit slower for the next little bit, taking those walks and baths and meditations that I often recommend to others. I’ve done what I can for now, and how it all turns out will be what it will be.