Browsed by
Category: Odd or Interesting

Yar! Joe Frank is Back!

Yar! Joe Frank is Back!

I am a serious fan of Joe Frank. He is the radio noir guru of my soul. I have been listening to him since the eighties. He was the joy of my Friday nights, and did much to get me through a difficult graduate program in philosophical theology and ethics. From 1986 until 2002, Joe produced four Series: “Work in Progress,” “In the Dark,” “Somewhere Out There,” and “The Other Side.”

Late Friday night, “Work in Progress” (from KCRW Santa Monica) played on the local NPR station in Iowa City, and almost every Friday night, I was listening. It became something very like a religious ritual for me. Candles, comfortable surroundings… provocative thoughts, brilliant rants, hypnotic bits of music, and his voice. He’s witty and absurd and satirical and dark and deep and funny, and the rhythms of the rants get me every time.

Here’s a little example of the kind of thing he does:

When endowed with profound religious feeling, your skin becomes transparent and your blood begins to turn a thin watery hue until the light of the sun streaming in the window passes entirely through you. At last, having evolved into pure spiritual energy, nothing remains of your existence but a small pile of dirty underwear, damp socks, rumpled garments, a driver’s license, credit cards and perhaps a small nail clipper.

This is what happens when you achieve oneness with the air, with the sky, with the whole world and everything in it. No longer tormented by nagging questions such as the conundrum of imploding ethical systems as expressed in post-war German soup recipes, you feel a sense of ecstatic exhilaration. It is this condition of bliss that Joe Frank: Somewhere Out There will attempt to elicit in its listeners.

Ahh, but with Joe, it’s all in the delivery.

The trains of thought that his work set off for me were better intellectual stimulation than almost anything else I had encountered. There was a sensual, even vaguely erotic, aspect to whole thing as well, so that it was (for me) a perfect melding of mind, spirit, body. I’m not saying that I’m sexually attracted to Joe – I love this man’s soul. I *deeply* respond to his ideas, his delivery, his voice, but it’s in some other sort of space and place, almost otherworldly. I can’t fully express the sense of kinship and gratefulness that I have felt for this.

Back in 1989 or 90 or so, I wrote him a long fan letter, raving about one of the shows. In a wonderful bit of synchronicity, he called me on my birthday (and was surprised that I was so young! Evidently, my letter sounded like it was written by a women some ten or twenty years my senior). After that, I was actually in a short bit of “The Loved One,” from the In the Dark series – which I think I flubbed, pretty much (sigh).

John and I lived in Los Angeles for a summer (Ben was about 2 years old), and I finally got to meet Joe in person. At his house. However, as is my unfortunate tendency when I am socially anxious, I babbled – while he made himself some pea soup to comfort his ulcer, and looked somewhat askance at the aloe vera juice I had brought along as a gift. I couldn’t center myself. I admire him so much that I still feel kind of starstruck when I interact with him. I have no idea what I’m saying or why. It’s the opposite of how I am when I’m listening to his work – centered, serene, silent, clear, my mind dancing, my spirit wild and free.

Still, he hasn’t written me off completely (grin). I think he’s probably used to that kind of thing. We talked recently about a range of things, and while I was still disappointed in myself, it was a very fun conversation nonetheless. Mostly I was just pleased that he was doing better. (Joe – if you ever read this – know that you have only seen the aspect of me that I like the least, the “I don’t know what I’m saying, I just want to be here” where I’m actually standing outside myself, a reflexive ghost just watching and shaking my head morosely, wondering what inauthentic flotsam of self is operating the mouth. I would like to get to a more engaging level of conversational exchange with you someday. Thank you for your kindness toward this awkward flailing confusionbot as we create the terrain between.)

Anyway…. ahhhhh… I am extremely pleased that Joe is still with us. He had a kidney transplant last year, and his recovery seems to be going very well.

It’s been one of my frustrations with living in Georgia that this NPR station could not be convinced to carry any of his work. Sheesh. What is wrong with this place?

Anyway, new things are brewing!

You can listen to some choice bits of Joe’s work on his MySpace “music” page. JoeFrank.com has whole shows. You can listen to a couple of them for free, and there is a paid membership option for more.

There are podcasts available! Now playing: Pilgrim.
Here’s the feed for your podcast software.
If you’re on a PC, download Juice “for fresh content”.

You can also hear him on Sonic Theater, XM radio channel 163 (if I understand it correctly).

If you go to the MySpace page, be sure to check out “Ode to War,” which is in my short list of favorites. See if it doesn’t make you think.

Now there is even a brand-spankin’ new forum for us Frankophiles (.com!).

At MySpace, join the Frankolyte group.

If you’re on MyTribe, join the JoeFrankophiles group.

If I am ever in a position to do so, I would love to buy the whole library of his work. He gave me copies of “Rent-a-Family” and “The Dictator” – both are special multi-part shows. Even all these years later, when I’ve gotten rid of almost all my cassette-tapes, I have held onto the shows I recorded off the radio. I still listen to them, despite the rotten sound quality.

There are no medals to peace, no honors, no marching bands, no great monuments to peace, no hymns sung, no great odes, no martial melodies, no parades to peace. There are no gigantic fireworks displays, no champagne corks popped to peace, no last cigarette smoked in its honor. There is no night before peace, no declaration of peace. The very absurdity of a nation declaring peace on another shocks the imagination. And who among us can say that he has heard of the spoils of peace? Is there such a thing as a peace hero? Who among us have gathered with his old cronies late at night, hoisted a glass and told peace stories? What valiant young man has been welcomed back from peace? What young boy has gazed longingly at his father, saying that he would willingly go to peace to save his country?

My near-worshipfulness is not really objectively critical, but at least I’m not alone:

“Joe Frank is by far the most brilliant comic in America… [He] has created a series of dead-pan radio monologues so sharp and intelligent that during the quiet bits you can almost hear God taking notes.” — The Guardian (UK)

“[Joe Frank] travels in the emotional landscape of Bergman and Fellini; there’s a tension and sense of mystery halfway between Kafka and Chandler, plot twists worthy of Rod Serling, and a satiric edge worthy of Firesign Theatre and Woody Allen.” — The Washington Post

“The world of Joe Frank is a wildly entertaining surrealistic universe…hilarious, unsettling, zany, powerful, moving and perhaps the most unique, inventive and effective use of radio since Orson Welles convinced much of America that there was a “War of the Worlds.” — The L.A. Weekly

“[Joe Frank is] the most imaginative, literate monologist in radio today… If a microphone could capture the nether recesses of the modern psyche, it would sound like Frank’s absurd comical excursions: Radio Vertigo.” –The Village Voice

“A combination monologist-philosopher-black comic-shrink, Frank strips away radio’s genteel veneer of good vibes and exposes the private fears that plague us all.” — The Los Angeles Times

“RADIO’S PRINCE OF DARKNESS RULES THE FREEWAYS” [Frank is] alternately dark, bizarre and very funny – but always hard to turn off.” — The Wall Street Journal

“…Joe Frank is an invaluable warrior who stands in defense of our fears, our vanities and our forever-eroding sense of ourselves. He transforms the everyday banality of the human comedy into an inspired weirdness that feeds on pathos and irony, and feels a lot like revelation. Sartre would have called it nausea; Frank makes it art.”
– Spin Magazine

“I came upon Joe Frank’s work by accident a number of years ago while driving to my home in the Napa Valley late at night. I couldn’t believe the originality and sheer brilliance of what I was hearing. From that moment on I became a dedicated Joe Frank fan.” — Francis Ford Coppola

“Joe Frank is a singular voice in radio. What he has done that is so amazing and impressive to me is to take this singular voice out of my radio and put it inside my head. As I listen, Frank’s show invades me and becomes my own thought process. It’s hypnotic, psychotic, neurotic, sad, terrifying, and some of the funniest stuff I have ever heard anywhere. I can’t think of another radio performer who has come close to achieving this kind of alchemy.” — Charlie Kaufman

“Joe Frank is an original whose work has helped form some of the most eccentric, dark and interesting parts of public radio’s personality.” —Terry Gross

“He’s one of the great, original radio performers. He’s created a sound and style for himself – a complete aesthetic that’s entirely his own. I first heard him when I was 19 and it changed everything for me. His work demonstrated the intensity and emotion that the medium is capable of; ingenious…fantastic.” — Ira Glass

“To me, he’s what radio is really for … his show makes me think he’s getting to some great truth … so completely captivating and just unlike anything else.” — David Sedaris

Update on McAfee Feedback

Update on McAfee Feedback

Coincidence? Uh-huh. Right.

Dear Heidi:

We regret to inform you that McAfee, Inc has removed you from their
Affiliate Program. Merchants may remove affiliates from their programs
for many different reasons, including violation of legal terms, inactivity, changes
in site content, etc.

Feedback for McAfee

Feedback for McAfee

Some companies spend a lot of money to do client satisfaction surveys. I consider it a service to provide some valuable feedback.

A charge from McAfee appeared out of the blue on a current credit card statement. This charge was made on a card I hadn’t used in some time, one that I had vowed some time ago not to use. My husband pointed to the new – solitary – item. I had no explanation.

I spent a while on the website, trying to ascertain what it could have been. Finally, I tried their online chat.

It became clear almost at once that I was being charged a yearly renewal service fee (for how many years?) on the account that I had opened years ago under my old educational email address. If there was any reminder or notice about this yearly payment, I couldn’t have received it. Moreover, any such courtesy email – if it was sent (which I doubt) would have bounced. They would have received a bounced email, and my telephone number and address were on file.

So they just kept charging me – hoping, I suppose, that I wouldn’t catch it. I wonder how many other people have such charges?

I’ve had my current email address for several years now, and haven’t even had access to my other one since August 2004. I had stopped using that address for my primary email contact a few years before that. Who knows how many charges there may have been? I started from scratch with a new version last year after trying a couple of other products.

In all fairness, a reread of the transcript allowed me to see that I did misunderstand something. I was reading quickly, and scanned “charged” as “changed.” I thought they were asking when my email address changed, but I think they were actually trying to find out the date of the credit card transaction. I don’t have access to the bill this evening anyway, so I couldn’t have given it to them. The misunderstanding contributed to my frustration level… but that was my own blind spot in the communication.

There is still quite a bit for someone to go over in an improvement planning or strategy session, if they are so inclined.

I’m not fond of the on-line chats for many of the bigger companies. I don’t know what the set-up is, but I often get the distinct impression that it is automated and that I’m not actually in contact with a person. Often, the conversation doesn’t pass the Turning test.

I think the transcript speaks for itself. It has been lightly edited for security, confidentiality, and glaring typos.

Please wait while we find a customer service representative to assist you…
You have been connected to Andrew Ne(*).
Andrew Ne(*): Thank you for contacting McAfee customer service. How may I help you today?
Heidi N(*): I am writing to question the recent charge on my credit card bill
Andrew Ne(*): Heidi, I’ll be happy to help you.
Andrew Ne(*): Please go ahead with your issue.
Heidi N(*): I got no advance notice of such a charge and no receipt If it was a renewal, I would have preferred for the charge to be on another card.
Heidi N(*): Do you have access to the record of the charge?
Andrew Ne(*): One moment please, while I look up your account details. I appreciate your patience.
Andrew Ne(*): Heidi, I see that you have valid McAfee products registered under the e-mail address hei(*).
Andrew Ne(*): May I have your billing address for verification, please?
Heidi N(*): (*)
Andrew Ne(*): Please provide me the complete address.
Heidi N(*): (*)
Andrew Ne(*): Thank you very much for the information.
Andrew Ne(*): I see that you have McAfee Internet Security Suite valid till 10/15/2007. And you have purchased the software on 10/15/2006.
Heidi N(*): Yes, so why was there a charge?
Andrew Ne(*): May I know the date when your account charged recently?
Heidi N(*): My account didn’t recently change. I promised my husband I wouldn’t use that card, but there is a charge from you on the last bill. I got no reminder or advance notice and I would like a reason for the

Currently experiencing network delays, one moment please….
Network connection re-established.

Heidi N(*): charge. It was thirty-something dollars. I would also like to credit that and process the charge, if it is valid, on some other card.
Heidi N(*): But so far I don’t have the explanation for the charge.
Heidi N(*): Questions?
Andrew Ne(*): I will do my best to resolve your issue.
Heidi N(*): I would appreciate your doing so.
Andrew Ne(*): I will let you know the reason for you the charges.

Andrew Ne(*): May I know the date when your account charged recently?
Heidi N(*): OH, please. Is this a person?
Heidi N(*): Please let me chat with your supervisor.
Andrew Ne(*): I appreciate your patience. May I place you on hold while I escalate your chat?
Heidi N(*): Manager. Supervisor. Person in charge there. Human.
Heidi N(*): Yes. As soon as possible please.
Andrew Ne(*) has left the session.

Please wait while we find an agent from the CS-McAfee Tier2 Escalations department to assist you.
You have been connected to Brad Ju(*).
Brad Ju(*): Thank you for contacting McAfee Tier 2 Escalations. I would like to take two minutes to review all of your previous interactions.
Heidi N(*): Brad. Please read the above transcript.
Brad Ju(*): If I understand you correctly Heidi, you would like to know why you have charged recently?
Heidi N(*): Yes, that is the primary question to begin.
Brad Ju(*): One moment please, while I look up your account details. I appreciate your patience.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I see that you have valid McAfee products registered under the e-mail address hei(*).
Heidi N(*): Yes, as you see from the above.
Brad Ju(*): Do you have any e-mail address ending with lear(*)?
Heidi N(*): I used to, but I graduated two years ago with my PhD
Heidi N(*): My primary address is hei(*)
Brad Ju(*): Please let me know lear(*) full e-mail address.
Heidi N(*): Again with the scripting machine. Please escalate me to Tier3
Heidi N(*): Human chat, please
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I see that you have been charged under the lear(*) McAfee account for the renewal.
Heidi N(*): hn(*) has not been my address is two years.
Brad Ju(*): Yes, I am human.
Heidi N(*): Do you mean to tell me you’ve still been charging me?
Heidi N(*): I bought a whole new version, full price!
Heidi N(*): The scripts make it appear that you are using an elementary artificial intelligence. Repetition. Lack of understanding.
Heidi N(*): I would like any charges make after my graduation date in August 2004 to be refunded.
Heidi N(*): I would like you to combine the records with my current information.
Brad Ju(*): I completely understand your frustration and will be more than happy to help you.
Brad Ju(*): Before I can provide you with the account details that you have requested, I need to follow some security guidelines to ensure your account integrity. Please bear with me while we go through the process.
Heidi N(*): I will comply with your procedures, but this is not good customer service.
Brad Ju(*): I see that account has been setup with McAfee Always on protection under the hn(*).
Heidi N(*): That would have had to have been more than 2 years ago.
Heidi N(*): If so, probably yes.
Heidi N(*): But I upgraded, bought the complete new version
Heidi N(*): It gave me a lot of trouble, and it’s heavy, and it shredded a bunch of my files.
Heidi N(*): Now you say that I’ve been getting charges on a card I haven’t used in some time. If you are married, you can understand my concern. Especially if this is a bogus charge.
Heidi N(*): Which it certainly appears to be.
Brad Ju(*): Since your account was setup for McAfee Always on protection under the hn(*) McAfee account and it has been auto-renewed on 1/5/2007.
Heidi N(*): Not acceptable. Do we need to escalate to another Tier or something to get this resolved?
Heidi N(*): I’ve been signing in with hei(*) for a while.

Brad Ju(*): Do you like to get refund for the recent charge on 1/5/2007 and use the McAfee product purchased on 10/15/2006 under the e-mail address hei(*)?
Heidi N(*): Yes, and also refund for previous charges if I was not updating the software.
Heidi N(*): I am pretty sure that I used Norton for a least a year.
Brad Ju(*): As per our terms and conditions, we guarantee that McAfee Customer Services subscriptions will make your computer more secure. If for any reason you are not completely satisfied, we offer a full refund within 60 days of purchase. However, you are now outside that 60-day time frame. It is also our policy that we do not provide partial refunds.
Heidi N(*): It was an even heavier drag on my system.
Brad Ju(*): I can able to refund only the recent charges under your account. Is okay for you?
Heidi N(*): Again there is a lack of understanding of the situation. Wou
Heidi N(*): Fine, that will be enough to placate my irate husband for the moment.
Heidi N(*): I just swallow any other yearly charges that you could not have notified me about since I could not access mail at the lea(*) address?
Heidi N(*): The emails would have bounced.
Heidi N(*): I am sure that you can track this.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I understand that your purchase was processed through the McAfee Store. In order to request a refund for this purchase, please contact the McAfee Store directly at 1-800-310-2980.
Heidi N(*): I do not want a refund for my purchase. I want a refund on the yearly charge on my old, inactive email account for a product I haven’t owned in years. I have the current security center program now.
Heidi N(*): I want to continue to use it (I Think), but this recent charge appears to have been made for some old account service
Heidi N(*): It is on the current bill, not the end of last year
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I understand your concern, your initial purchase of the McAfee product under the e-mail address hn(*) is from online store. You need to contact online store to get refund for the renewal charges under your old account.
Heidi N(*): ok.
Heidi N(*): Please stay with me while I check what you say by calling
Heidi N(*): I am timing the response.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, please take your time.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I have not received a response from you in the last two minutes, in order to provide maximum assistance to all our other customers, we will be unable to continue this chat if I don’t receive a response within the next two minutes.
Heidi N(*): They do not have access to my online renewal. You have given me inaccurate advice.
Brad Ju(*): Please give me a moment to research your issue. Thank you for your patience.
Heidi N(*): They gave me the number of 408-992-8xxx
Heidi N(*): They are closed, and directed me to the website.
Heidi N(*): Perfect catch-22. Congratulations. I’ll be posting this script on my blog.
Brad Ju(*): I do understand your frustration. I will be helping you in the best possible way.
Heidi N(*): Is there someone who has more authority there to help in a slightly better way?
Brad Ju(*): Under these circumstance, I am processing you refund for the recent renewal under your account hn(*).
Brad Ju(*): Please give me a moment while I process your refund. I appreciate your patience.
Brad Ju(*): As requested, we have refunded the McAfee Always on Protection charges of $39.99, which will be credited to your account within 3 – 5 working days, or before you receive your next credit card statement. Your reference number will be CS23xxxxxxx.
Heidi N(*): Will there be any further charges on that card?
Brad Ju(*): The McAfee Always on Protection feature for your account under the e-mail address hn(*) has been canceled. Your account will no longer be automatically renewed.
Heidi N(*): And my current account under hei(*) will still be maintained through Oct 2007 without further charge, correct?
Heidi N(*): You haven’t canceled that one too, right?
Heidi N(*): I have to make sure I don’t have to contact customer service again
Brad Ju(*): Yes, you have active account under the e-mail address hei(*) till 10/15/2007.
Heidi N(*): To clarify, I want my current account to remain active, but my earlier account to be canceled.
Heidi N(*): YES! Woo-hoo. Thank you.
Heidi N(*): Now my husband can calm down about this.
Heidi N(*): We were about to pull all of your products off our personal and work computers.
Brad Ju(*): I would like to recap what we have been working on today to ensure that you are comfortable with resolution that I have provided. You wanted a refund for the McAfee product that was auto renewed under your old account; I have refunded it, and cancelled your auto renewal feature. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Heidi N(*): No. I am glad that (although it took serious effort and time) your mistake has been rectified in part.
Heidi N(*): I don’t really expect anything more. But you might pass this script along.
Heidi N(*): It contains valuable feedback for your company.

Rainy Night in Georgia

Rainy Night in Georgia

It’s been raining for more than 24 hours. I’ve just been out walking in the back yard, and found big mushrooms growing under the oak trees. Last week, I saw others of the same type out in the woods; those were even more gigantic – three times as big.

Does anyone know what kind of mushrooms these are?

Georgia Mushrooms

The ones in our yard are usually very tiny, and grayish, and they carpet whole areas. Perhaps they are a springtime mushroom – I don’t remember. Anyway, this is the first time I’ve seen these here.

Microwaving Unruly Crowds?

Microwaving Unruly Crowds?

Normally I would be pleased to see the Air Force express concern for world opinion, but somehow the thought of microwaved protesters does not appeal to me.

Nonlethal weapons such as high-power microwave devices should be used on American citizens in crowd-control situations before they are used on the battlefield, the Air Force secretary said Tuesday.

Domestic use would make it easier to avoid questions in the international community over any possible safety concerns, said Secretary Michael Wynne.

“If we’re not willing to use it here against our fellow citizens, then we should not be willing to use it in a wartime situation,” said Wynne. “(Because) if I hit somebody with a nonlethal weapon and they claim that it injured them in a way that was not intended, I think that I would be vilified in the world press.”

How about if we don’t microwave anybody? Isn’t it pretty clear that this isn’t a good idea?

Spray-on Viruses

Spray-on Viruses

The FDA has approved a spray-on cocktail of six viruses for ready-to-eat meat (they say “meat and poultry,” but last time I checked, meat from chickens and turkeys was still meat).

The purified bacteriophages are designed to eat up the Listeria monocytogenes bacterium.

The bacterium can cause a serious infection called listeriosis, primarily in pregnant women, newborns and adults with weakened immune systems. In the United States, an estimated 2,500 people become seriously ill with listeriosis each year, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Of those, 500 die.

Perhaps newborns and pregnant women and people with compomised immune systems should simply avoid Oscar Weiners? Or is that too much to expect? I remember being careful about this kind of thing when I was pregnant. Hey, wasn’t listeriosis the reason my hubby was supposed to clean out the kitty litter box? Are you telling me that cat feces are in those slices of bologna?

Consumers will not be aware which meat and poultry products have been treated with the spray, Mr. Zajac said. The Department of Agriculture will regulate the actual use of the product.

Oh, that gives me so much confidence, that does. I think I would still prefer a label saying so, so that people could make a choice. And regulation by the current Department of Agriculture is a joke. Maybe if they were doing their job for American consumers, we wouldn’t actually need spray-on viral coated food?

Intralytix, based in Baltimore, first petitioned the food agency in 2002 to allow the viruses to be used as an additive. It has since licensed the product to a multinational company, which intends to market it worldwide, Mr. Vazzana said.

They name the developer, but not the distributor. Not good. This “multi-national” company – who is it? Where is HQ?

Well, I’ve been waiting to see viruses used for good. I just wasn’t expecting to see the food supply as an early application. It’s probably a good idea in some ways, but there is some potential for things to go wrong. Seems like an easy target for bioterrorism to me. Also, I’m not sure why they would need six different kinds of viral bacteriophages. Why not just have one? Which viruses are they using, and what side effects might there be? What if the viruses themselves are contaminated, or what if conditions promote mutations? Then what?

Treatments that use bacteriophages to attack harmful bacteria have been a part of folk medicine for hundreds of years in India and for decades in the former Soviet Union.

I somehow don’t see folk medicine practitioners spraying viruses on food, do you?
What exactly were they doing in India and the former USSR? It would be good to know.