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Countering Westboro Demonstrators with Love, Love, Love

Countering Westboro Demonstrators with Love, Love, Love

The Westboro Baptist Church group was stationed in Atlanta at the corner of Chamblee Tucker Road and Henderson Road, a block or so from the church where the funeral was being held. Their signs said things like “God Hates You,” “America is Doomed,” “Pray for More Dead Soldiers” and various other anti-government and anti-gay sentiments. One sign portrayed stick figures wearing Santa hats and engaging in anal intercourse. This seems pretty typical, judging by some of the photos on Flickr. Drivers couldn’t really see the Westboro group until they were right up on them. This is very near a highway exit. It was really interesting to watch the cars going by. I got a few thumbs up and smiles. They got a number of shouts and some old-fashioned flipping off. However, most of the people in cars were either studiously pretending not to see what was happening or talking excitedly on their cellphones.

It was actually pretty low-key as these things go. DeKalb police guarded the entrance and exit to the church, and the demonstrators were about half a block away. If you came in for the funeral on Henderson Road, you wouldn’t even have seen them. I suspect that it was a different sort of scene at the other, probably more prominent, Atlanta event at the historic Ebenezer Baptist Church – maybe that’s why the demonstrators here were mostly female. They didn’t seem to have a serious interest in personally provoking anyone at this particular event. They laughed and jeered a little, but it was very easy to disregard them, partly because I stood on the corner across the street on Henderson (on the same side of the road on Chamblee Tucker).

It was a little scary for me at first and I was shaking for the first ten minutes or so, but then it got better when I started focusing on love. I let my favorite songs of love play in my mind, and I imagined beaming with healing, caring energy. It was wonderful.

My sign was clearly a home-made sort of thing, just one of the big posters we use for my son’s school projects. The details at the bottom probably weren’t readable at a distance, but that’s all right.

And the greatest of these is Love

I was the only one there with an alternative message. I maintained silence and simply held the sign up to cars driving by.

On my way home, I passed the officers guarding the entrance and exit of the church where the funeral was being held. Knowing why they were there, I slowed and gave them a thumbs up. To my surprise, they returned the gesture! That felt really… really good – an unexpected thing.

Thank you to everyone who helped me decide what was best.

It was very much worth doing.

Clone Trooper Ben

Clone Trooper Ben

Ben went trick or treating with his friends this year. They all had the exact same costume! The only trick or treaters that braved our vertical driveway were two of his friends – and one of those had the same costume too!

Here is our beautiful clone soldier boy:

Clone Trooper
Clone Trooper
Strike a Pose
Strike a Pose
Bob Detweiler’s Obituary in the AJC

Bob Detweiler’s Obituary in the AJC

I got the notice of Bob Detweiler’s obituary just as I finished the first draft of the poem I’m going to read at the memorial service on Saturday morning. Yes, he treated each one of us as a peer, and brought out every speck of brilliance and humor that we had in us. The twinkly eyes seem to have been appreciated by all.

ST. SIMONS ISLAND
Robert Detweiler, 76, treated students as his peers

By KIRSTEN TAGAMI

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Friday, September 05, 2008

Dr. Robert Detweiler was a dedicated scholar but he didn’t take himself too seriously. The former Emory University professor often attended his graduate students’ parties, and he loved telling jokes.

“He just had a merry twinkle in his eye. He took life in general with a certain amount of humor and detachment. He had a genuine warmth for other people,” said Dr. Robert Paul of Atlanta, dean of Emory College.

Dr. Robert Detweiler spent six years in postwar Germany helping refugee families.
Dr. Robert Detweiler spent six years in postwar Germany helping refugee families.

“He struck you as a kidder, but he worked very hard. He had a very strong record of academic publications,” said Dr. Paul, who was his colleague in the 1980s.

Dr. Detweiler, who taught comparative literature, served as the director of the Graduate Institute of the Liberal Arts at Emory from 1973 to 1982.

He became nationally recognized for his insights in the areas of religion and literature, as well as his work on authors John Updike and Saul Bellow.

His books include, “Breaking the Fall: Religious Readings of Contemporary Fiction” in 1987 and “Uncivil Rites: American Fiction, Religion, and the Public Sphere” in 1996.

Dr. Detweiler became a lifelong mentor to many of his students, guiding them in their search for jobs after graduation, said Harriette Grissom of Asheville, N.C., a former student.

“He wasn’t paternalistic about it. He always treated you as a peer, not a student,” she said.

Dr. Detweiler was born in Souderton, Pa., and was reared as a Mennonite. He earned a divinity degree from Goshen College, and after college traveled to Germany on a church-sponsored relief project to assist in the post-war rebuilding of the country. He stayed six years, helping build homes for refugee families and counseling students who had lost their families.

Former student Gary Tapp said that experience helped shape Dr. Detweiler’s outlook.

“We knew he had been through a lot in Germany. It enabled him to not take the small trials and tribulations of university life too seriously,” said Mr. Tapp, of Atlanta.

Dr. Detweiler met his wife, Gertrude Detweiler, in Germany. Although he left the Mennonite faith as an adult, he remained strongly influenced by his upbringing and enjoyed listening to Mennonite hymns.

His experiences in Germany and in his advanced studies “opened his mind but didn’t stop him from being a deeply theological thinker,” said Dr. Paul. “From his Mennonite background, he retained a communal spirit and the feeling of the sacredness of life.”

Dr. Detweiler, 76, formerly of Atlanta, died Sunday at his St. Simons Island residence after a series of strokes, his wife said.

The body was cremated. Cremation Society of the South is in charge of arrangements.

The memorial service will be Saturday at 10 a.m. at Emory University’s Canon Chapel.

Survivors other than his wife include a daughter, Bettina Detweiler of Atlanta; a son, Dirk Detweiler of Aspen, Colo.; and four grandchildren.

Calm Down: Woodfire Grill

Calm Down: Woodfire Grill

On Friday night, Ben had a sleepover planned and so we drove him over there and spent a little time with the adults. We’ve all been friends for about seven years now, and it’s always great to see them, but they have moved and it’s kind of a pain to get to their house. To avoid the northeast perimeter during rush hour(s), we take a back way over Windsor Parkway to Roswell Road. It’s not actually a parkway, but rather a small winding road chock-full of mcmansions and real mansions, too. Smack dab in the middle of all this there is a wee church, and the sign caught my eye (as church signs sometimes do). I’m not sure what the internal interpretation of the message might be at the church in question, but it was just the right message for me at the time:


Calm down, I'm already here

So I unclenched my jaw and started to relax.

We went out to dinner at one of our favorite places, Woodfire Grill. We got there early enough to get a table right away.

Our waiter was a new transplant from North Dakota, here in Atlanta because of his beloved girlfriend who came to get an MA in Philosophy from Georgia State. He was absolutely charming, down to the sideburns and the groovy glasses. He answered all of our questions and, after some consultation with the chef, provided more detailed answers on a couple of items such as the origin of the littleneck clams (which sounded like closer cousins to the less edible kinds of quahogs than the soft and succulent steamers of my dreams. Anyway, the littlenecks were from the Carolinas somewhere – not for this New England gal, thank you!).

The bread basket had an assortment of soft fragrant breads, all from loaves baked on the premises. They have the best bread by far in Atlanta, and I have to remember to come back and buy some from the cafe.

Many of the menu items are from local food sources, and more of it is organic than not. It does make a difference.

There was a small taster, and then we ordered a range of “small plates” to share:

  • Marinated red ace beets, sotto cenere cheese, organic truffle oil, micro celery
  • Pan roasted sonoma artisan duck breast, chanterelle mushrooms, delicata squash, crushed pistachio, duck jus
  • Pizzetta: house made fennel sausage, roasted peppers, san marzano tomato, fontina, parmigiano
  • Their menu changes weekly, and the scallops we had are no longer on the menu. There were only a couple of them (read “two”) and I couldn’t tell you what else was on the plate, but it was yummy.

We savored every little bit. I don’t even like beets, but these were fantastic. To me, that’s the ultimate compliment to a chef – that he or she makes such a delectable dish that you enjoy food that you normally avoid.


John at Woodfire Heidi at Woodfire

To accompany the meal, we shared a bottle of Yering Station Pinot Noir, a very pleasant and balanced wine with a hint of cherry. It went perfectly with everything, even the scallops.

When one is fortunate enough to enjoy such a meal, happiness can be the only result (cf. Babette’s Feast). At least, that’s the case for me. Unfortunately, I observed another couple for whom that was clearly not the case. They spoke not one word to one another throughout the whole meal, and they both had that look of frigid annoyance that sends off waves of tension. I finally managed to block them out – by the third bite or so (grin).

By this time, I was in my sensual enjoyment state, which semi-automatically means that I felt a desire to step out for a cigarette. It had been several hours since my last one, and I was starting to feel the effects. I’m cutting down, but I’m not yet done with it. I asked the valet where smoking was still permitted, and he pointed me to a nearby bench. We conversed for a few minutes, and I guess I’m now to report back in one month on my progress on quitting.

Eventually, the new owner came over to the table to speak with us. We raved in praise of the food and the ambiance and the service. We weren’t kidding, either. The meal was divine in every respect. He must have enjoyed our descriptive prose, because he comp’ted us the dessert, a very small piece of dense chocolate cake, served with a bit of ice cream (We substituted vanilla for the caramel alternative). Mmm… a perfect ending.

Pleasant Time

Pleasant Time

Last night we had a nice relaxing dinner with visiting friends. I’ve known Frédérique since my first week of graduate school at Emory; we suffered through orientation together and have been friends ever since. That’s well over a decade now (I’m not saying how much more).

Way back when, she met and married Clark and they had Louis, who’s a couple of years older than Ben.

Freddie and Clark at our Wedding
Freddie and Clark at our Wedding

They are fun to be with, fun to spend time with. I’ve missed them tremendously since they moved to New Jersey/New York last year.

Freddie is the one who has turned me on to all this French music I’ve been obsessed with lately (especially Alain Bashung, “Madame Rêve“!). When they moved, she gave me a giant monster plant from Martinique, which I’ve managed to keep alive, as well as a dresser and a couple of lamps, and a chair, and end tables for Ben’s room and all sorts of other things.

Clark
Clark
Frederique
Frederique

She is amazingly talented. She translated some of Salvador Dali’s work for her dissertation, and she does all kinds of other writing – art criticism and history, even an opera. She’s always got a couple of projects going. One of my most memorable conversations with her had to do with art in which someone is sticking out their tongue. She’s so French, so fun, so creative. I always have a lot of fun talking with her.

John had just returned from the Artificial Life XI conference in England (among other things, he got to go to Stonehenge!) and I was working, so the dinner was carryout – rolled sandwiches, potato salad, stuff like that. I brought cookies, John brought fruit tart, and they brought Boston Creme cake – so it was all about the desserts.

Freddie and I also had a couple of hours together on Saturday for some girl talk. How I’ve missed that!

This was a day last year where we trounced around wearing furs for the “Save the Poor Abandoned Furs” project, membership: 2. Actually, I have friends that would be mad at me for joking about it, for owning fur, and for wearing it (sorry, I love fur – not siberian tiger or anything, but…).


2007 Girls in Furs Freddie in Fur

I love uncomplicated time with real friends. It’s such a treat to relax and know that your friends just like you as you are. The night cooperated by not raining so that we could socialize out on the deck.

As light faded, I tucked Ben into bed and brought out candles and we spent a couple of hours talking about politics and art and relationships and neural networks and I don’t remember what else.

It was an easy, fun, relaxing, enjoyable evening. Loved it.


Heidi and Freddie

P.S. I should have taken photographs Monday, but I didn’t think of it. These are all from previous times together.