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The Need to Speak, and Nothing to Say

The Need to Speak, and Nothing to Say

“The need to speak, even if one has nothing to say, becomes more pressing when one has nothing to say, just as the will to live becomes more urgent when life has lost its meaning.” – Jean Baudrillard

I remember a lecture given by Baudrillard at Emory. The crowd had transcripts of Baudrillard’s lecture, in case his accent was too overwhelming for them. People flipped pages like it was the Bible.

I just looked and listened. I had no trouble whatsoever – and after all, he gave the lecture in English, not French.

At one point, he quoted “clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right” while making slight gestures from side to side. Because they were focused on the paper before them, not many people saw his slight gestures (nor, I suspect, recognized the lyric). Performative irony.

I laughed out loud, earning disapproving looks from those around me. It reminded me of the old days at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

But Jean Baudrillard looked straight at me, and grinned.

If you are a literalist, don’t even bother trying to read anything by Baudrillard. It will never make sense to you. The question and answer period after that lecture was a parody of the intellectual life toward which I had always worked.

To his critics: Yes, Baudrillard could have been more clear, less aphoristic. Yes, he got both the left and the right to froth – that’s one of the things that made him interesting. But let’s start with a hermeneutics of paying attention, eh? Sigh… I often feel that his detractors haven’t even read the work.

Baudrillard is partially responsible for my marriage. He has already apologized (grin). John has been friends with Baudrillard for years. He had translated some of Baudrillard’s work, and they had been planning a project together… he is even more upset than I am.

Anyway, the early encounters between John and myself were all about arguing about Baudrillard. We had differing interpretations on his views of the viral and evil and reversibility. We began to meet in order to argue about Baudrillard. We met a lot. It took a song by Leonard Cohen to tip the balance, but without Baudrillard we would never have gotten together.

Eventually, we visited Baudrillard in Paris, and posed our questions. That conversation was one of the highlights of my life, and that session did more to solidify the eventual argument of my dissertation than almost anything else. My dissertation, by the way, leaves a lot unsaid.

What isn’t mentioned very much in discussions of Jean is the kind of energy he gives off as a person. When I’ve seen him, he’s been a bit rumpled, often needing a shave and a haircut. He had the most wonderful mischievous grin, and he was hospitable and clearly delighted to see us. What struck me most was his “there”-ness. He was there in a way that is very rare. He made me feel confident, engaged, worthy of being an interlocutor – and a friend. Beyond the incredibly stimulating intellectual/pataphysical discussion, I remember being surprised by Jean’s kindness and charm. I had read his books so feverishly, but I had not understood the tone of voice. The books read differently, later – much more comprehensible, with different rhythms.

His works in progress looked something like the Burroughs “cut-up“, which explains a lot.

I admired his crystal bowl full of lemons, a point of beautiful innocent clarity among all the piles of books and papers. I’ll be buying a bag of lemons later today. We’ve got a beautiful big crystal bowl, and we’ll honor and remember him that way.

When John and I married, Jean gave us a large print of one of his famous photographs as a wedding present.

John has been able to spend more time with him than I have – and of course they have known each other much more closely and for a longer time. I don’t get to Paris very often, and Baudrillard only came to Emory a couple of times.

Jean Baudrillard was, nonetheless, one of those rare people who change something within you – something subtle perhaps – but something real and permanent. I have my disagreements with some of his ideas, but my engagement with them changed me. It was a kind of alchemical synergy.

My dissertation owes a debt to Baudrillard (among others, of course). Of course, that may be why it took so long to write… What I ended up with was a cyborg creature. Perhaps Baudrillard was its eyes.

There was one very unfortunate side-effect of reading his work, and taking it seriously (and playfully and provocatively and ironically). A series of synchronicities occurred which, together with reading a lot of Baudrillard, made me very nervous about the potential “revenge” of the viral. It was a bit like Nietzsche’s abyss gazing back at you.

I can never decide whether Baudrillard is more of a Gnostic or a magician.

I am not sure how Baudrillard’s work will resonate in future. Others may attempt to paint the bigger pictures, to create the spectacle, the more-Baudrillard-than-Baudrillard. Or perhaps he will just disappear.

Still, this death – this “disappearance” of a “simulacrum” – affects me deeply, personally.

There is so much to say, and nothing to say. He’s gone.

Baudrillard on Tour, Nov. 28 2005, From The New Yorker, Talk of the Town

“I don’t know how to ask this question, because it’s so multifaceted,” he said. “You’re Baudrillard, and you were able to fill a room. And what I want to know is: when someone dies, we read an obituary—like Derrida died last year, and is a great loss for all of us. What would you like to be said about you? In other words, who are you? I would like to know how old you are, if you’re married and if you have kids, and since you’ve spent a great deal of time writing a great many books, some of which I could not get through, is there something you want to say that can be summed up?”

“What I am, I don’t know,” Baudrillard said, with a Gallic twinkle in his eye. “I am the simulacrum of myself.”

The audience giggled.

“And how old are you?” the questioner persisted.

“Very young.”

“Perhaps our eyes are merely a blank film which is taken from us after our deaths to be developed elsewhere and screened as our life story in some infernal cinema or dispatched as microfilm into the sidereal void.”

“Mistakes, scandals, and failures no longer signal catastrophe. The crucial thing is that they be made credible, and that the public be made aware of the efforts being expended in that direction. The “marketing” immunity of governments is similar to that of the major brands of washing powder.”

“What you have to do is enter the fiction of America, enter America as fiction. It is, indeed, on this fictive basis that it dominates the world.”

A little background:

More Obit thoughts:

Of course, that’s just a start. I’ve got a shelf of Baudrillard books here. When I can stand it, I’m going to read them all again.

Total Lunar Eclipse Tonight

Total Lunar Eclipse Tonight

From where I am, the eclipse will already be in progress when the Sun sets and the Moon rises. I’ll be watching the eastern horizon at sunset to watch the coppery red moon rise. Mid-eclipse (dark moon) is at 6:21 p.m. eastern time. By 8:12, the Earth’s shadow will have left the moon’s surface (from the moon’s perspective, it would be a solar eclipse by the Earth). This total lunar eclipse is very special – it is partly visible from every continent around the world.

Check a visibility map, and get more detail at NASA’s eclipse page.

Thanks to a forward from my friend Kerritwyn, I’ve gleaned some tips about possible ways to celebrate the eclipse.

According to some astrological and magical systems, eclipses co-mingle the energies of Moon and Sun, often creating disturbing or intensified effects. The supercharged full moon and its eclipsing is a reminder that we are held in the dark by clinging to only one perspective.

This lunar eclipse resonates for break-through insights and practical solutions. Bring the mind and body together.

The Full Moon is in Virgo – a full moon of healing and service and breaking free.

Celebrate those who work tirelessly to serve the needy, the wounded, and the infirm. If you are one of these, take a break, recharge, and celebrate your hard work. If you have a friend or a loved one who is one of these amazing people, you might want to give them a chance to turn some of that love and attention inward. When most astrologers speak about Virgo, they tend to use descriptors like perfectionist, critical, analytical, discriminating, empirical, and calculating. Virgo understands the oneness of all life through the physical realities of cosmology, mathematics and physics. We all express our Virgo side when we strive to be our best. Also associated with Virgo are words like healing, service, sacrifice, and mentoring. Virgo is the healer, the doctor, the nurse, the teacher, the therapist, the worker, the researcher, the scientist, and the engineer. For Virgo, caring comes in the form of finding workable solutions to everyday problems.

Full Moon in Virgo reflects a tremendous desire to throw off unhealthy habits that create sickness and sadness. Take responsibility for your health. Start questioning and being pro-active. This is the ideal Full Moon to start a weight loss or de-tox program, especially with Venus in Aries (the athlete) and Chiron (wounding) in radical change, tell-it-like-it-is, unemotional Aquarius.

The Pisces Sun (which rules a spectrum of experience ranging from pure transcendence, selflessness, unconditional love, to addiction, co-dependency, denial and fantasy) temporarily covers the energy of the practical, analytical Virgo Moon; veiling this Moon’s clarity and grounded reality-based thinking but opening up new possibilities. Practical and logical processes are temporarily out of balance, and solutions seem blocked by harsh realities. The challenge is to stay open to inspiration regardless of our daily circumstances. Bring mind and body back together.

On this Full Moon, Uranus is conjunct the Sun in Pisces, which on the positive side enlivens the energy of radical awakening into divine transcendence, or on the more negative side, leads to trauma through mindless, addictive behaviors. Not a good night to be abusing substances, but a great night to deeply connect with clear-minded approaches to alternative realities and break-through solutions. Pisces understands the oneness of all life through a deeply spiritual lens.

The opposition of Moon with Sun/Uranus is square Jupiter in Sagittarius, creating a T-square. If one walks the path of mindful inquiry and deliberate seeking, this T-square will open Devic and philosophically deep realms to conscious awareness. On the other hand, if partying is your objective, Jupiter will heighten the potential for over-indulgence and harmful behaviors. Again – no partying tonight! There is also a yod between Moon in Virgo, Venus in Aries, and Chiron in Aquarius. This yod may make romantic endeavors feel a bit disconnected or emotionally off the mark. Keep your attitude compassionate and caring.

The Moon is focused on service, and together with the Sun/Uranus conjunction insistent upon compassion, peace, and love, the Virgo cry of “get real and heal” is powerful. This Full Moon is ripe with potential for new health and healing. Experience your celestial origins by celebrating your body as a heavenly gift. Celebrate a global consciousness – think solutions and healing.

This Virgo Full Moon is also an opportunity to make friends with the inner critic, turning it into more of a help than a hindrance. Tame the self-doubting perfectionist within, and hear only the criticism that can help you thrive and grow. The emphasis again – break-through understandings.

I’ve got less than an hour to prepare my own eclectic ritual for the eclipse. Enjoy!

Update on McAfee Feedback

Update on McAfee Feedback

Coincidence? Uh-huh. Right.

Dear Heidi:

We regret to inform you that McAfee, Inc has removed you from their
Affiliate Program. Merchants may remove affiliates from their programs
for many different reasons, including violation of legal terms, inactivity, changes
in site content, etc.

Feedback for McAfee

Feedback for McAfee

Some companies spend a lot of money to do client satisfaction surveys. I consider it a service to provide some valuable feedback.

A charge from McAfee appeared out of the blue on a current credit card statement. This charge was made on a card I hadn’t used in some time, one that I had vowed some time ago not to use. My husband pointed to the new – solitary – item. I had no explanation.

I spent a while on the website, trying to ascertain what it could have been. Finally, I tried their online chat.

It became clear almost at once that I was being charged a yearly renewal service fee (for how many years?) on the account that I had opened years ago under my old educational email address. If there was any reminder or notice about this yearly payment, I couldn’t have received it. Moreover, any such courtesy email – if it was sent (which I doubt) would have bounced. They would have received a bounced email, and my telephone number and address were on file.

So they just kept charging me – hoping, I suppose, that I wouldn’t catch it. I wonder how many other people have such charges?

I’ve had my current email address for several years now, and haven’t even had access to my other one since August 2004. I had stopped using that address for my primary email contact a few years before that. Who knows how many charges there may have been? I started from scratch with a new version last year after trying a couple of other products.

In all fairness, a reread of the transcript allowed me to see that I did misunderstand something. I was reading quickly, and scanned “charged” as “changed.” I thought they were asking when my email address changed, but I think they were actually trying to find out the date of the credit card transaction. I don’t have access to the bill this evening anyway, so I couldn’t have given it to them. The misunderstanding contributed to my frustration level… but that was my own blind spot in the communication.

There is still quite a bit for someone to go over in an improvement planning or strategy session, if they are so inclined.

I’m not fond of the on-line chats for many of the bigger companies. I don’t know what the set-up is, but I often get the distinct impression that it is automated and that I’m not actually in contact with a person. Often, the conversation doesn’t pass the Turning test.

I think the transcript speaks for itself. It has been lightly edited for security, confidentiality, and glaring typos.

Please wait while we find a customer service representative to assist you…
You have been connected to Andrew Ne(*).
Andrew Ne(*): Thank you for contacting McAfee customer service. How may I help you today?
Heidi N(*): I am writing to question the recent charge on my credit card bill
Andrew Ne(*): Heidi, I’ll be happy to help you.
Andrew Ne(*): Please go ahead with your issue.
Heidi N(*): I got no advance notice of such a charge and no receipt If it was a renewal, I would have preferred for the charge to be on another card.
Heidi N(*): Do you have access to the record of the charge?
Andrew Ne(*): One moment please, while I look up your account details. I appreciate your patience.
Andrew Ne(*): Heidi, I see that you have valid McAfee products registered under the e-mail address hei(*).
Andrew Ne(*): May I have your billing address for verification, please?
Heidi N(*): (*)
Andrew Ne(*): Please provide me the complete address.
Heidi N(*): (*)
Andrew Ne(*): Thank you very much for the information.
Andrew Ne(*): I see that you have McAfee Internet Security Suite valid till 10/15/2007. And you have purchased the software on 10/15/2006.
Heidi N(*): Yes, so why was there a charge?
Andrew Ne(*): May I know the date when your account charged recently?
Heidi N(*): My account didn’t recently change. I promised my husband I wouldn’t use that card, but there is a charge from you on the last bill. I got no reminder or advance notice and I would like a reason for the

Currently experiencing network delays, one moment please….
Network connection re-established.

Heidi N(*): charge. It was thirty-something dollars. I would also like to credit that and process the charge, if it is valid, on some other card.
Heidi N(*): But so far I don’t have the explanation for the charge.
Heidi N(*): Questions?
Andrew Ne(*): I will do my best to resolve your issue.
Heidi N(*): I would appreciate your doing so.
Andrew Ne(*): I will let you know the reason for you the charges.

Andrew Ne(*): May I know the date when your account charged recently?
Heidi N(*): OH, please. Is this a person?
Heidi N(*): Please let me chat with your supervisor.
Andrew Ne(*): I appreciate your patience. May I place you on hold while I escalate your chat?
Heidi N(*): Manager. Supervisor. Person in charge there. Human.
Heidi N(*): Yes. As soon as possible please.
Andrew Ne(*) has left the session.

Please wait while we find an agent from the CS-McAfee Tier2 Escalations department to assist you.
You have been connected to Brad Ju(*).
Brad Ju(*): Thank you for contacting McAfee Tier 2 Escalations. I would like to take two minutes to review all of your previous interactions.
Heidi N(*): Brad. Please read the above transcript.
Brad Ju(*): If I understand you correctly Heidi, you would like to know why you have charged recently?
Heidi N(*): Yes, that is the primary question to begin.
Brad Ju(*): One moment please, while I look up your account details. I appreciate your patience.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I see that you have valid McAfee products registered under the e-mail address hei(*).
Heidi N(*): Yes, as you see from the above.
Brad Ju(*): Do you have any e-mail address ending with lear(*)?
Heidi N(*): I used to, but I graduated two years ago with my PhD
Heidi N(*): My primary address is hei(*)
Brad Ju(*): Please let me know lear(*) full e-mail address.
Heidi N(*): Again with the scripting machine. Please escalate me to Tier3
Heidi N(*): Human chat, please
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I see that you have been charged under the lear(*) McAfee account for the renewal.
Heidi N(*): hn(*) has not been my address is two years.
Brad Ju(*): Yes, I am human.
Heidi N(*): Do you mean to tell me you’ve still been charging me?
Heidi N(*): I bought a whole new version, full price!
Heidi N(*): The scripts make it appear that you are using an elementary artificial intelligence. Repetition. Lack of understanding.
Heidi N(*): I would like any charges make after my graduation date in August 2004 to be refunded.
Heidi N(*): I would like you to combine the records with my current information.
Brad Ju(*): I completely understand your frustration and will be more than happy to help you.
Brad Ju(*): Before I can provide you with the account details that you have requested, I need to follow some security guidelines to ensure your account integrity. Please bear with me while we go through the process.
Heidi N(*): I will comply with your procedures, but this is not good customer service.
Brad Ju(*): I see that account has been setup with McAfee Always on protection under the hn(*).
Heidi N(*): That would have had to have been more than 2 years ago.
Heidi N(*): If so, probably yes.
Heidi N(*): But I upgraded, bought the complete new version
Heidi N(*): It gave me a lot of trouble, and it’s heavy, and it shredded a bunch of my files.
Heidi N(*): Now you say that I’ve been getting charges on a card I haven’t used in some time. If you are married, you can understand my concern. Especially if this is a bogus charge.
Heidi N(*): Which it certainly appears to be.
Brad Ju(*): Since your account was setup for McAfee Always on protection under the hn(*) McAfee account and it has been auto-renewed on 1/5/2007.
Heidi N(*): Not acceptable. Do we need to escalate to another Tier or something to get this resolved?
Heidi N(*): I’ve been signing in with hei(*) for a while.

Brad Ju(*): Do you like to get refund for the recent charge on 1/5/2007 and use the McAfee product purchased on 10/15/2006 under the e-mail address hei(*)?
Heidi N(*): Yes, and also refund for previous charges if I was not updating the software.
Heidi N(*): I am pretty sure that I used Norton for a least a year.
Brad Ju(*): As per our terms and conditions, we guarantee that McAfee Customer Services subscriptions will make your computer more secure. If for any reason you are not completely satisfied, we offer a full refund within 60 days of purchase. However, you are now outside that 60-day time frame. It is also our policy that we do not provide partial refunds.
Heidi N(*): It was an even heavier drag on my system.
Brad Ju(*): I can able to refund only the recent charges under your account. Is okay for you?
Heidi N(*): Again there is a lack of understanding of the situation. Wou
Heidi N(*): Fine, that will be enough to placate my irate husband for the moment.
Heidi N(*): I just swallow any other yearly charges that you could not have notified me about since I could not access mail at the lea(*) address?
Heidi N(*): The emails would have bounced.
Heidi N(*): I am sure that you can track this.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I understand that your purchase was processed through the McAfee Store. In order to request a refund for this purchase, please contact the McAfee Store directly at 1-800-310-2980.
Heidi N(*): I do not want a refund for my purchase. I want a refund on the yearly charge on my old, inactive email account for a product I haven’t owned in years. I have the current security center program now.
Heidi N(*): I want to continue to use it (I Think), but this recent charge appears to have been made for some old account service
Heidi N(*): It is on the current bill, not the end of last year
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I understand your concern, your initial purchase of the McAfee product under the e-mail address hn(*) is from online store. You need to contact online store to get refund for the renewal charges under your old account.
Heidi N(*): ok.
Heidi N(*): Please stay with me while I check what you say by calling
Heidi N(*): I am timing the response.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, please take your time.
Brad Ju(*): Heidi, I have not received a response from you in the last two minutes, in order to provide maximum assistance to all our other customers, we will be unable to continue this chat if I don’t receive a response within the next two minutes.
Heidi N(*): They do not have access to my online renewal. You have given me inaccurate advice.
Brad Ju(*): Please give me a moment to research your issue. Thank you for your patience.
Heidi N(*): They gave me the number of 408-992-8xxx
Heidi N(*): They are closed, and directed me to the website.
Heidi N(*): Perfect catch-22. Congratulations. I’ll be posting this script on my blog.
Brad Ju(*): I do understand your frustration. I will be helping you in the best possible way.
Heidi N(*): Is there someone who has more authority there to help in a slightly better way?
Brad Ju(*): Under these circumstance, I am processing you refund for the recent renewal under your account hn(*).
Brad Ju(*): Please give me a moment while I process your refund. I appreciate your patience.
Brad Ju(*): As requested, we have refunded the McAfee Always on Protection charges of $39.99, which will be credited to your account within 3 – 5 working days, or before you receive your next credit card statement. Your reference number will be CS23xxxxxxx.
Heidi N(*): Will there be any further charges on that card?
Brad Ju(*): The McAfee Always on Protection feature for your account under the e-mail address hn(*) has been canceled. Your account will no longer be automatically renewed.
Heidi N(*): And my current account under hei(*) will still be maintained through Oct 2007 without further charge, correct?
Heidi N(*): You haven’t canceled that one too, right?
Heidi N(*): I have to make sure I don’t have to contact customer service again
Brad Ju(*): Yes, you have active account under the e-mail address hei(*) till 10/15/2007.
Heidi N(*): To clarify, I want my current account to remain active, but my earlier account to be canceled.
Heidi N(*): YES! Woo-hoo. Thank you.
Heidi N(*): Now my husband can calm down about this.
Heidi N(*): We were about to pull all of your products off our personal and work computers.
Brad Ju(*): I would like to recap what we have been working on today to ensure that you are comfortable with resolution that I have provided. You wanted a refund for the McAfee product that was auto renewed under your old account; I have refunded it, and cancelled your auto renewal feature. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Heidi N(*): No. I am glad that (although it took serious effort and time) your mistake has been rectified in part.
Heidi N(*): I don’t really expect anything more. But you might pass this script along.
Heidi N(*): It contains valuable feedback for your company.

Mostly Good, by the Numbers

Mostly Good, by the Numbers

The Gematriculator uses mathematical patterns to determine the values of “good” and “evil” for a web page. Here’s a good one: “Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God’s watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.” What experts are these, exactly?

This site is certified 65% GOOD by the Gematriculator

This site is certified 35% EVIL by the Gematriculator

Well, it’s not quite Kabbalah…and oh, the poor misunderstood pentacle

Keep Lead on the EPA Pollutant List

Keep Lead on the EPA Pollutant List

EPA Set to Abandon 30 Years of Air Quality Control

Tell the EPA that it must continue to use the best available science to protect the air we breathe from dangerous lead pollution.

Lead is one of the most harmful toxins on Earth and is especially hazardous for children. Incredibly, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) is considering removing lead entirely from the list of pollutants it controls under the Clean Air Act. Tell the EPA that it must continue to use the best available science to protect the air we breathe from dangerous lead pollution.

Tell the EPA
(Union of Concerned Scientists)

Ingestion or inhalation of even low levels of lead poses severe risks to humans. Lead poisoning damages the major organs and causes osteoporosis, high blood pressure, heart disease, anemia, memory problems, and seizures. Children are at the greatest risk, as low levels of lead can cause lowered IQ levels and learning deficits.