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To a Recovering Jehovah’s Witness

To a Recovering Jehovah’s Witness

Dear C –

As always, take what is helpful to you and reject what doesn’t ring true to your inner self…

If there is a spirit of the cosmos, and if that spirit is what we mean when we talk about “God”, then I have to believe that the spirit is a spirit of Love that holds everything together and makes everything related and connected in a million, mysterious ways. All our words about God are simply ways to place God within a human frame of reference. It’s all metaphor, all of it. We don’t really have the words to describe or understand.

Don’t get hung up on names. Only humans care about names. Come back to that question later, when you don’t have so much scar tissue about it (smile). Yes, pray. Pray if you can. Pray for wisdom and understanding and forgiveness and compassion and clarity and joy and laughter and caring.

Listen to yourself breathe. Maybe you remember the old childhood mantra, “In with the good air, out with the bad.” Let strength and caring in, breathe out despair and depression.

Find and follow your own path, your own light, your own connection. You are unique and all the cosmos wants of you is to be yourself in the best way you can. Support others, care for others. You have an internal sense of ethics and care and attentiveness already – build on that from within. Even biblically (and please remember that the collection of texts that we call the bible is just that, a collection of texts – from several cultural moments and places, and it’s been censored and edited to please very specific audiences), it is said that the kingdom is within you. Spirituality is a lifelong journal journey, not just a moment when you have all the right answers and then you are done.

As for family, what can I say? Yours is being spectacularly intrusive. I would intervene if I were you, but that’s entirely your own decision. At the very least, some basic ground rules for contact with your kids should be established. If it gets any uglier, you could consult a lawyer for the best way to proceed. Meanwhile, tell your daughter something like that some people believe in the end of the world, but that you don’t believe that God wants to torture and kill people. Something like that would go a long way toward undoing the damage. Tell her something, something calmly, lovingly, to ease her fears. Something at a level she can understand.

My son (6) asked me if I thought my father had gone to heaven. I told him that some people believe in a heaven, but that I didn’t know, and that nobody else really knew either.

He asked, “Do I have to decide for myself what I believe?” Yes.
“Do I have to decide _right now_?”
No – (smiling inside) and you might change your mind from time to time.
“Well, then maybe do you think his skeleton will come out and dance with us on Halloween?”

I sort of don’t think so, but if you like, we can do a dance, and pretend that he’s laughing, which is what he might do if he were still here.

We did a dance, and Ben laughed the whole time. It was fun.

With kids, you’ve got to be creative, and not let it get so heavy. Your words mean more to your kids than anybody else’s – but if you’re upset, they’ll know that too. Keep it light and reassuring.

Even without these issues, you are not the only one who cannot rely on biological family! It’s sad, but it’s reality. Even Jesus said – these are my family, these are my brothers and sisters.
And he really didn’t have anything to complain about with his own family if you believe the stories….

I have “adopted” parents and brothers and sisters and cousins. Friends can be family too. Somewhere there is a father and an older brother to give you advice. Somewhere you already have a friend to call, and you’ll have more, because as you refocus you will have more and more to offer to others – understanding, caring, welcoming, laughter, joy.

I read a study not long ago that said that the words that people most wanted to hear from someone else weren’t “I love you”, but instead, “It’s going to be all right.” So let me say to you – Everything is going to be all right. It is. It might be hard, but you’ve gotten this far, and you’re strong enough to refuse abuse and to step out of situations of abuse – physical, emotional, spiritual. Your own self-respect and sense of self-worth is what you have to continue to build on here.

Not all Jehovah’s Witnesses believe they are “better than everyone else.” There are solid good people who are rank and file JWs. The odds are against them, because JWs are so set up – in all sorts of ways – to believe that they are better, that God likes them more, that they are superior. They are told that they are the only ones who matter, and that the only good work that matters is to make more of them. They also block internal questioning or criticism or debate – and train the JWS to believe that independent thinking and reflection and research and meditation are somehow displeasing to God.

JWs are also so controlled by the dictates from the Watchtower publishing corporations that it is easy to understand the longing for personal power, even in these hidden forms. When the lack of power is at issue all the time, when the people willingly take on the identities of sheep and slaves with “overseers”, then the whole issue of free will and religious self-determination gets cross-wired with other things. Statistically, there is also more mental illness, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, pedophilia, and so on as well. It’s a pathological situation.

Still, there are good people in every religious group. Some of it depends on simple timing – when they were brought in, with who, what they are used to, how things connected for them, and so on. Many people are just simply doing the best they can, believing that what they do is right. But yes, of course I have noticed what you’re talking about. To be fair, I think most religions at the edges have people who miss the whole point in just that way –

When kindness and caring are lacking, so is love. Cold, hard, rule-based, totalitarian forms of religion are anti-spiritual (at least, that’s my opinion). They are actually anti-religious, since they don’t “retie or rebind together” but rather “split apart.” There is some form of that, some legalistic fanatical wing, in every organized religion – as we see on the news every night. Is it a war god, a god of death, that they worship? I don’t know – but you have to decide for yourself which is better, what kind of god would be the god of love, and worthy of praise.

It is easy to let someone else take over your spiritual responsibilities. Self-righteousness is very comforting. Humility is more difficult.

The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society hardly ever talks or writes about grace – actually they reject the word “grace” altogether, and their alternate word “loving-kindness” is employed only under very specific conditions. They want that free salesforce out there under their control…

But what kind of God would count the hours selling books and yet turn attention away from the fundamental cruelties to others that JWs endorse? You can’t “earn” some kind of salvation, redemption, or love – least of all by counting hours knocking or by mindlessly following the (often-changing) dictates of a set of corporations based in New York. Actually, I think it’s very funny that they started calling it the “Truth” – with a capital T! That signals enormous insecurity.

Ask yourself every kind of question you can and watch the questions get better. Grow into habits of caring and tolerance and kindness, and watch what happens to you. Small moments matter. Love grows. Kindness blooms. You’ll feel it.

Think of how you are with your children in the most special kind of moment, and imagine:
THIS is how God would view you – as precious, as unbelievably beautiful and real, with kindness, with love.

On Resolutions for the New Year

On Resolutions for the New Year

In truth there is no such thing in man’s nature as a settled and full resolve either for good or evil, except at the very moment of execution.
~ Nathaniel Hawthorn

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
~ Mark Twain

In life’s small things be resolute and great
To keep thy muscle trained: knowst thou when Fate
Thy measure takes, or when she’ll say to thee,
“I find thee worthy; do this deed for me?”
~ James Russell Lowell, Epigram

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
~ Oscar Wilde

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.
~ Benjamin Franklin

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
~ Anaïs Nin

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
~ T.S. Eliot, “Little Gidding”

Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunder-storm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols.
~ Thomas Mann

But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits.
~ Andre Gide

Still, I do have one resolution. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and Rosei’s post gave me the occasion to put it into words:

I’m resolving to bring more energy and positivity into my life. My natural tendency is to be somewhat critical and melancholy. I’m comfortable with that. However, in the last year or two I have noticed that the anger level is rising, and I’m not comfortable with that. I don’t know how to deal with it, and it wears me down. It’s also pretty useless, since most of the things that anger me are beyond my control to change (except in very small ways…).

I used to be able to bring energy and comfort in with prayer, but that doesn’t really work for me anymore. So I’m adding some affirming messages to my daily meditations – with themes of gratitude, awareness and mindfulness, cosmic connection, energy, self-acceptance, etc. It’s a little Stuart Smalley, but that’s…. o-kay. It’s only a very modest kind of resolution, but it’s one I may be able to keep, unlike a few others that come to mind (smile).

Former Jehovah’s Witness Speaks

Former Jehovah’s Witness Speaks

This testimony letter gives a glimpse into some of the recurring issues. Thanks for sending and giving your permission to post, Angela!

I was raised by parents who converted to Jehovah’s Witnesses (from the Catholic religion) when I was five years old (I am now 32). My father is an elder and he and my mother are very active. I have six younger brothers and sisters who are all active JW’s.

When I was 18, I married a “brother” I had met at a quick-build. Five years later we had a daughter. After seven years of marriage, I found myself very unhappy and I decided to leave. My husband (a Ministerial Servant), along with the elders help, tricked me into signing custody papers that were not as they were presented. My ex and his wife have primary physical custody of my daughter. I see my child every other weekend and six weeks during the summer (they moved 3 hours away). I tried to regain custody of her, only to fail. Can you say “Parent Alienation?”

After I remarried, I tried to return to the Kingdom Hall in 2003 to be reinstated. I attended meetings faithfully for six months. I decided to write my letter in order to be reinstated. The elders on my committee told me that everything seemed to be going well and it would only be a couple of weeks before they made the announcement of my reinstatement. When I met with the elders a week later, they informed me that my ex-husband did not think I was ready to be reinstated… and the elders wanted me to drop my appeal that was currently in progress for custody of my daughter. I gave up and almost went crazy with grief for the sudden loss of my daughter, my family and all of my friends. I had to receive intense counseling to deal with the emotional pain.

Since 2003, I had allowed my daughter to attend meetings with my family during my weekend and summer visits with her. Things have recently taken a turn. I told my seven year old daughter that Jehovah’s Witnesses do not know if they have the only true religion… no one knows. Well, apparently she told one of my sisters who in turn retaliated with a very nasty letter that stated, “you are basically trying to kill her (my daughter) by telling her or trying to convince her that she does not have the true religion!” and “you now have the name of an apostate in my eyes.” That letter made me sick. My sister who had been my best friend had written these horrible hurtful words. She had been disfellowshipped at one time, but I took her in despite being chastised by the elders.

Since that letter was written, I have not allowed my daughter to attend a meeting at the Kingdom Hall while she is with me. She is around those people enough with her father. This decision that I have made will probably result in another nasty custody battle because my ex husband will not respect my decision… he will try everything in his power to program our daughters mind. She has already started asking me why she can’t go to the Kingdom Hall this summer. Her father must have her convinced that God will look unfavorable upon her if she doesn’t persuade me to let her attend the meetings. He’s making her feel torn between two worlds.

I too am in limbo. No one seems to understand how it feels to lose all of your friends and family in one day. No one understands how it feels to be treated like dirt on someone’s shoe. I have never done drugs, been a drunkard, beat my children, or murdered anyone… yet I am treated (by JWs) as someone who is beneath those type of people. The lowest scum of the earth. What gives those imperfect humans the right to judge me as unworthy of God’s love??

I have just begun to explore websites that are created by former Jehovah’s Witnesses. In the past I was afraid. I am only full of anger now. I want to relate to someone. I want to talk to people who understand what I’ve been through and what I am still going through. Thank you for taking the time to read about what I’ve been through.

Angela, I hope you know that you are not unworthy of God’s love, which is endless and does not depend on human organizations like the one in Brooklyn. Show your daughter better examples of caring, compassion, and kindness. She will remember, and in the long run, it is the best thing you can do for yourself and for her.

You are not alone in this, but it is a difficult path to navigate. Start building a more authentic life for yourself, and let go of some of your anger if you can. Document everything that happens (and do not respond in kind, no matter how tempting it might be). Take control of your own religious path and your relationship to God – prayer helps a lot, if only to focus and meditate. If you can, turn your focus outward toward acts of friendship and service – not door-to-door service, but the kinds of “helping” gestures that can mean so very much to others. This will help lift you up, stabilize you, and help you to rebuild a sense of yourself that brackets out these unfair judgments.

There are some JW boards where you can thrash some of this out if you want to, but ultimately it’s up to you to find inner strength (if not for yourself, for your daughter). Think of the mommy you’d most like to be, and start moving in that direction. The more you act out of the center of your soul, the more it becomes habitual. Take the good things you’ve learned, and dump the rest. God is bigger than their vision – explore your ethics and your spirituality for yourself.

As for your family and “friends” – I can only mourn with you. It’s heartbreaking, and I’m so sorry. Again, the best thing you can do, when you can manage to do it (it’s not easy sometimes) is to set an example of ethics, compassion, caring, and love. It is the only thing that might make any difference at all.

I have a good feeling about you because you took in your sister when she had been cast out. That means you have a sense of ethical priorities, which JWs usually have trouble ordering. You already know that the highest priority is not following the rules of an organization, but rather caring for others (and for yourself, too! don’t forget that). Take care of yourself first, so that you may then care for your daughter.

Arm your lawyer with any documentation that you have of any of this. Alienation of a child’s affection is a serious matter. That the JW elders sat down with you (!), misrepresented the agreement, and so on may be basis for coercion, and the judge may take that into consideration. Also, your situation is changed now, and that also has to be taken into account. As you have discovered, JWs will hit hard for children to remain in the custody of the JW parent. They could even lend your ex one of their own lawyers. I recommend that you do a little web research on Jehovah’s Witnesses and custody battles – there are perhaps some previous cases that may be of help to you and your lawyer.

Keeping you in my daily meditations, and sending you waves of healing and love.

Fox’s 95 Theses

Fox’s 95 Theses

I first read the theologian-priest Matthew Fox as a graduate student in philosophical theology and ethics at the University of Iowa. He is perhaps one of the most controversial religious figures of our time. He’s a bit wacky in some ways (see techno-cosmic mass) but I tend to agree with much of what he says. My friend Grateful Bear recently discovered that Fox not only has his own blog, but that it includes a Luther-inspired “95 Theses” on it – in English and German!

In case you don’t know, Martin Luther nailed his own 95 Theses (don’t get it confused with “feces”) to the door of the Wittenberg Church on Oct. 31, 1517. The 95 Theses of Luther attacked papal abuses and the sale of indulgences by church officials – and argued for a return to the Gospel. It was a pivotal moment that led to divisions in the church – from the Protestant Reformations, to the Catholic counter-reformations.

“Since your majesty and your lordships desire a simple reply, I will answer without horns and without teeth. Unless I am convicted by scripture and plain reason–I do not accept the authority of popes and councils for they have contradicted each other–my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I cannot do otherwise, God help me. Amen.” – Luther, in Defence of his 95 Theses, April 18, 1521

Fox describes his version as “95 faith observations drawn from my 64 years of living and practicing religion and spirituality. I trust I am not alone in recognizing these truths. For me they represent a return to our origins, a return to the spirit and the teaching of Jesus and his prophetic ancestors.” Here are a few that I particularly like, but it is worthwhile to read and meditate on all of them – if nothing else, it will certainly help you focus your own belief-structure. My own view of authentic Christianity shares many traits with this. No – I am not an agnostic or an atheist. I just don’t believe in most of the standard doctrines and mythologies.

4. God the Punitive Father is not a God worth honoring but a false god and an idol that serves empire-builders. The notion of a punitive, all-male God, is contrary to the full nature of the Godhead who is as much female and motherly as it is masculine and fatherly.

6. Theism (the idea that God is ‘out there’ or above and beyond the universe) is false. All things are in God and God is in all things (panentheism).

7. Everyone is born a mystic and a lover who experiences the unity of things and all are called to keep this mystic or lover of life alive.

8. All are called to be prophets which is to interfere with injustice.

20. A preferential option for the poor, as found in the base community movement, is far closer to the teaching and spirit of Jesus than is a preferential option for the rich and powerful as found in, for example, Opus Dei.

23. Sexuality is a sacred act and a spiritual experience, a theophany (revelation of the Divine), a mystical experience. It is holy and deserves to be honored as such.

27. Ideology is not theology and ideology endangers the faith because it replaces thinking with obedience, and distracts from the responsibility of theology to adapt the wisdom of the past to today’s needs. Instead of theology it demands loyalty oaths to the past.

33. The term “original wound” better describes the separation humans experience on leaving the womb and entering the world, a world that is often unjust and unwelcoming than does the term “original sin.”

36. Dancing, whose root meaning in many indigenous cultures is the same as breath or spirit, is a very ancient and appropriate form in which to pray.

38. A diversity of interpretation of the Jesus event and the Christ experience is altogether expected and welcomed as it was in the earliest days of the church.

40. The Holy Spirit is perfectly capable of working through participatory democracy in church structures and hierarchical modes of being can indeed interfere with the work of the Spirit.

54. The Holy Spirit works through all cultures and all spiritual traditions and blows “where it wills” and is not the exclusive domain of any one tradition and never has been.

70. Jesus said nothing about condoms, birth control or homosexuality.

Matthew Fox 95 Theses – or Articles of Faith for a Christianity for the Third Millennium

(Thank you thank you Grateful Bear!)

Another Former JW Writes

Another Former JW Writes

Testimony and advice from another former JW

R: I really like your site and I feel your advice for new ex-JWs is very wise. It was a pleasure to find your site. I haven’t been a JW for 20 years or so. I was a third generation JW, raised in the religion. By my mid-20s I was seriously depressed, guilty, and aimless. One of the things that made me feel really guilty and like a failure was that I just couldn’t pray with any conviction. Also, I came from an abusive family – at least my father was a dangerous and violent alcoholic who frequently tried to kill us.

I went to massage school in my early 30s. Giving and receiving massage made me feel worthy, and even loved. Other things that helped me were maybe a little silly – a bumper sticker that said "since I gave up hope I feel better." That’s how I felt! Massage school gave me culture shock; I was exposed to all sorts of viewpoints and beliefs. I realized that much of what is taught by and to JWs is simply not true. Also, I realized that many many many JWs are leading dual lives – they are good JWs when with each other, but very worldly, even promiscuous when no one is watching. What a shock. I went to a psychologist for a year or so – and I highly recommend it. Talking with him, I realized that the root of my depression was something I felt strongly but couldn’t express – my deep sense of betrayal by my mother and the elders. The elders kept telling my mother it was her duty to stay with my father, because he was the head of the house, even though he was a non-believer, and extremely violent and dangerous. When I realized how I felt and expressed it, I felt much better. I was even able to forgive my mother for not protecting us. She really believed she was doing the right thing. And I began to realize what a sick religion it is.

Eventually I was able to tell another truth: I just plain don’t believe. I don’t believe the Bible or any of the other religious writings. I don’t believe in religion. There’s a lot going on the universe that we don’t know about or understand, and it doesn’t matter. I detached from having to have all the answers. I don’t think it’s important to know who made the world and who or what is running the show. We can’t know, therefore it doesn’t matter. What matters is trying to live a noble life. I checked out other religions, but I’m just not impressed. I just don’t believe. I did learn some useful ways of thinking from Buddhism, especially some of the books by Alexandra David Neel. I’m also not interested in discussing it. I don’t care what other people believe, and I feel I have the right to pursue my own beliefs without having to justify them, and I don’t have to put up with people who want to convince me I’m wrong. If there is a god, which I seriously doubt, I can’t see him/her/it rejecting 99 percent of his children and accepting only JWs. God, if he/she/it exists, could hardly be less loving than people in general are.

What I lacked in the first years after I quit being a JW was someone to talk with who could relate to my experience. My sisters don’t relate; although they are not JWs any more either. I finally ran across a wonderful woman in (deleted) who was a former JW also. She shared a great book with me, the first hand account of a former JW. I think it was called "Clouds of Glory," and I wish I could find another copy of it.& The author of that book expressed many of my feelings and reframed the whole experience for me.

When my mother died three years ago, I was immersed in the JW world again for a week, while my mother was in intensive care. I realized how far I had traveled. Now that she is gone, I don’t have to ever have anything to do with any of them ever again, which is a great relief.

I’m a lot happier, healthier, and more useful person now. And terribly grateful that I managed to get out of the JWs. And although I was never able to pray with any conviction as a JW, I learned how to meditate by doing massage, especially lymph drainage massage, which is very quiet, still, and repetitive, and requires that the therapist pay attention to his/her breathing.

Nice of you to provide a place where people like me can unload. I looked for a friendly website for ex-JWs for a long time. Most of the ones I found, though, were very angry and were bent on proving that JWs are wrong doctrinally, and I don’t really care about that. I don’t believe the Bible anyway, so what does it matter? I was very impressed by the wisdom and compassion in your advice. Thanks! I see from your web site that you get a lot of hate mail from JWs, and I really don’t want that. But if my experience would help anyone, it’s OK to share. Like you, I don’t want to make the past the center of my life, I don’t want to be bitter and focused on how I was harmed. I just want to leave it in the past and enjoy the life I have now.

I also liked your advice about overreacting to JWs when leaving the organization. I have seen a few others in the last 20 years or so that have left the organization. However, they seem driven to prove how bad they are: drug abuse, promiscuity, other risky behavior. Self-destructive behavior won’t help.

I would like to tell them: Nurture yourself, don’t destroy yourself. If you are leaving JWs, and you feel angry and guilty, just lie low for a while. Don’t talk about it all the time, although you may be tempted to do so. Don’t act like a victim. Look around and find people who are living lives you admire, and get close to them. Learn how to live a new way by hanging out with wise, compassionate people who are successful at living noble lives. You’ll get through the stage of feeling like a traveller from another universe, and you’ll find worthwhile friends and rewarding activities.

Heidi: What a wonderful treat to get your letter this morning – thank you, thank you. I too saw a therapist when, during two separate occasions in my life, I just felt that I had been ill-equipped to navigate the psychological terrain. It was a big big help to me, especially since in both cases it was short-term with limited goals. I didn’t want to turn into a narcissist, I just wanted to know how to get through to the next level. One of the things that was most enlightening to me was a very simple message that I had a choice – that I could decide for myself what was important to me among the conflicting voices inside. That somehow allowed me to shift and sort and to find more authentic paths. Sounds so simple, but it wasn’t something I had been allowing myself.

I am sorry about your family. There is an awful lot of this sort of thing. It took me until the year of my own father’s death to be able to forgive him – and then only because he was around a lot, being good to my son, and had overcome both the alcoholic and the post-alcoholic madness that had destroyed his own life.

It is so true that sometimes all it takes is exposure to other ways of being for some JWs to be able to realize at some level that their own way is somehow wrong. I think that is why (along with other authoritarian and controlling groups) that the JWs so discourage “worldly associations.” They framed it in such a way that we would think all outsiders are bad – some then seek out the badness as the only route out. But of course most of it isn’t bad at all – there is a lot of kindness and compassion and fun out there too! You were fortunate to have found a window that included a sense of healing and a respect and acceptance of the body.

I studied world religions, and that helped me a lot – but my own path of questioning is somewhat eclectic and I too see nothing but strife in arguing over doctrinal and interpretative matters. I have always found that if your focus is intellectual, learning to ask better questions promotes wisdom a lot more than the illusion of having the answers. In many ways, a breathing meditation accomplishes more – you get centered, attuning your spirit and body. I also like sound, attention, and compassion meditations – even just paying attention to how different bodily positions affect your emotional state – bowing, reaching up to the sky, etc. Ultimately your spiritual path is your own – between you and your sense of the cosmos/God/gods, whatever you like to think. Words are so misleading anyway.

For myself, I decided long ago that if God were really like the God of the JWs, then such a God was not worthy of my attention, much less my worship and obedience. I have since come to believe that this could not be God – I use in meditation Anselm’s thought that God is that “which none greater can be thought.” So I think of the best God I can possibly imagine, and then assume that God, or the cosmos energy of love, or what we label as these things, is much much better in ways that I just simply won’t be able to understand given the way we perceive the world in human terms of space and time. And, to quote the character Stuart Smalley, “that’s…… OK.”

R: So nice to hear from you – your point of view about JWs is so intelligent and realistic. I remember being surprised to find that non-JWs could be good friends, and weren’t all bad, which is what I believed for a long time. There’s a little superiority in that feeling, too – everyone outside the organization is evil, and we’re so good. A lot of narcissism too – look at how good we are, how holy, how superior. With distance I realize that JWs are a narcissistic group, and more afraid of demons than of god, which is interesting, isn’t it? Anyway, I have found many better friends outside the org. than I did inside it. I remember when my mother came to my wedding (she stood outside the church and watched through a window), she said with surprise at the end of the weekend "Ramona’s friends are nice!"

I don’t actually believe in Buddhist doctrine, but I have learned a lot from the writings of the Dalai Lama about how to live, which has made me a much happier person. I really respect the Dalai Lama. Another book that really helped me is "Women Saints East and West." I learned something really important from that book – that although the doctrines were very different (Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist), these women had very similar lives. They all had an experience of the divine, meditated or prayed about six hours a day, and lived lives of service to others. The modern example is Mother Teresa. I couldn’t agree with her doctrinal beliefs, but she lived that life – an experience of the divine, six hours a day of prayer, and a life of service. Evidently god spoke to her in a train when she was a young woman. Then I got the big Aha! from a book by Alexandra David Neel. She went to Tibet early in the 20th century to learn from Tibetan Buddhist mystics. She spent a lot of time there, learning really difficult meditation practices, the short path. At the end, she asked the monks a couple of good questions. She asked if all that she had learned wasn’t just in her mind, not real at all. The monk said yes. Then she asked about people who couldn’t do the short path meditations, which were really hard and didn’t allow time for a person to earn a living or live a normal life. The monk said "then they have to live noble lives." I really got that. We don’t need doctrines, special clothing, special buildings, special rituals or a church hierarchy. We just need to try to do the right thing on a daily basis. That’s actually tougher than going through the motions of religion, but it’s also more rewarding.

You know, I haven’t said this much about my beliefs to anyone before now. Do you have a lot of ex-JWs bending your ear and unloading like this? If so, you’re a really compassionate person. I have been toying with a book on spirituality for people who don’t believe anything. One of these days I’ll finish it.

H: Yes, I do get a lot of email on these topics, but although compassion is a major path for me I think it is healing all around. It is, as you say, beneficial to communicate with someone who understands the issues involved and has a certain kind of common ground of insights and experiences. And I need to hear it as much as anyone else. It fills me with joy to see others who have found (or rediscovered) their own path. Thank you for sharing your experience here for others to read.