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Avoid Disfellowshipping by Fading

Avoid Disfellowshipping by Fading

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Isaac J. Harris has written two great articles for About.com on the topic of “fading.” One is descriptive, and the other has some strategies for you. They are located in the atheism/agnosticism section, but of course not everyone leaves the Watchtower Society for those reasons.

Here are a couple of snippets for you:

From Jehovah’s Witness to Atheist: How & Why Witnesses Fade from Congregations

For Jehovah’s Witnesses, the potential problems associated with being disfellowshipped and shunned lead to many choosing instead to just fade away. Disfellowshipping, in Jehovah’s Witness parlance, means they will be excommunicated and shunned by all other Jehovah’s Witnesses in good standing. It is the highest penalty the Watchtower Society can bestow. This is why, when a believer becomes disillusioned with the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, they do not feel free to speak out about their doubts — not even to their closest friends and family members. Many are afraid to just get up and walk away like any normal person would because they’re afraid of being disfellowshipped and what this will do to their various relationships. …

Imagine you were raised in a religion where the members are strongly discouraged from associating with any non-believers, or even from associating with members known to be “unevenly yoked” with “worldly” friendships and ways? What if that religion saw the outside world as a place under Satanic control and labeled so-called worldly members as “bad associates” to be avoided? It is likely that you would be reluctant to make friends with anyone who didn’t believe as you do. You wouldn’t have many friends who weren’t part of that religion.

So what would happen if you were suddenly cut off from fellow believers? What if your own mother wouldn’t speak to you, or even acknowledge your existence if you should bump into her in a public place? What if you had to start over, without the support of friends, family, or the religious institution you’ve been a part of your entire life? It would be an extremely lonely and difficult time to get through.

Jehovah’s Witness To Atheist: How Doubting Witnesses Can Fade, Avoid Shunning

Be wary of persistent Witnesses. Sadly, some may try to trick you into confessing your disbelief. Some Witnesses have even gone to faders and expressed false doubts about the Society, thus inviting the fader to do the same. Then, within weeks or days, the fader gets a call from their Elders. Relatives have even pulled this one on faders, so be careful.

Make new friends. You’ll need new friends for emotional support once you’ve left. Why go it alone?

You can read my own tips for recovering JWs, see a list of all my Jehovah’s Witness related posts, get some book recommendations, read some jokes, and look at other ex-JW related resources.

(Thanks to Danny for sending me the links to the About.com articles)

JWs are SO Not Threatened

JWs are SO Not Threatened

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“On Faith” (an online joint venture by the Washington Post and Newsweek magazine) published an essay called “Witness to Separation of Church and State,” by Joel P. Engardiom, on June 5, 2007. Joel was the director, writer and narrator of “Knocking,” the documentary about Jehovah’s Witnesses that ran on the PBS series Independent Lens.

Yet as otherwise law-abiding, taxpaying citizens, they remind us that the America worth fighting for is an America that does not force people to follow a single ideology with patriotic fervor. And as a group with fundamental religious beliefs, they remind us that it is possible to stand firm in your faith without feeling threatened by those who choose a different path.

Right. Although I agreed with his larger point about not trying to hijack the country, that’s the bit that encouraged me to comment.

The supreme irony to me is that their contributions to the history of civil liberties legislation in the U.S. are not honored in any way in their own congregations. There is no discussion or debate, expressions of individual spiritual calling or questioning or research are forbidden.

The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society has created a free sales force, using fears about a killer God and the end of the world. I am in contact with many recovering Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I help people with JW relatives and friends to navigate the minefield of potential problems in dealing with them.

I applaud the results of the JW legal team on civil rights, but they didn’t do it for the sake of America, which to them is simply part of the Satan-controlled “system of things.” The most recent accomplishment of their legal team was to pay off a cluster of child abuse cases – with a gag order.

I agree with the sentiment about ideological fervor, but it’s just blatantly false that JWs do not feel “threatened by those who choose a different path.” Ask their non-JW family members about that.

JWs don’t even vote, and they are forbidden to run for office. Not exactly the banner group for the Constitution…

(See blog posts on JWs by clicking on my website link above.)

Jehovah’s Witnesses Claiming to Follow the Christ

Jehovah’s Witnesses Claiming to Follow the Christ

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According to an article in the Cherry Hill N.J. Courier-Post, Jehovah’s Witnesses aim to “debunk myths” about their faith by adopting the topic “Follow the Christ!” at the District Conventions. The article mentions only the one convention being held in Reading, Pa., but of course the program is an identical thing everywhere, and it’s not as though it’s an actual “conference” type of convention at which one might expect discussions, debates, new scholarship, pastoral support, and the like. It’s reinforcement and rah-rah. The JW assemblies were fun because it was a chance to meet other JWS, and it had a celebratory air for that reason. Now it seems they are using it as a preaching tool. They must have gleaned some tips from Falwell, et al. Too bad for the young ones seeking a mate – they’ll have to sort through all the non-JWs that attend.

Jehovah’s Witnesses in South Jersey are knocking on doors and inviting their neighbors to attend the convention, which will explain how following Bible principles that Christ promoted can help people improve their family life, draw closer to God and gain everlasting life, said Mark Weaver, a spokesman for the Reading conventions.

Here’s a funny bit: “There also will be a public talk debating the question: Who are the real followers of Christ?” Debating? Hee-hee. Not likely. Any guesses on who they will claim as the “real” followers?

Last year, the district convention was all about the “Deliverance at Hand” – meaning that the loving God is about to kill off most of the people on the planet. So this year, it’s a PR move. They want to fight the perception that “their denomination isn’t a Christian religion.”

Why fight a perception? That’s like saying that you should undermine an insight. They should at least say they are fighting an “inaccurate impression.”

I think that people have the perception that Jehovah’s Witnesses (I call them Watchtowerites) aren’t Christian because of different and larger issues than simply their non-celebration of Christmas and Easter, which is the only reason given in the article (Even mainstream Christians are somewhat aware of the history of the development of these two holidays). No, there is a much larger set of issues. Grace, forgiveness, compassion… for starters.

They miss Jesus’ whole point (and in this they are not alone, of course), and so this topic is very pertinent to their problem. Unfortunately, they won’t address it at all. It takes a very narrow focus to try to claim that JWs follow Christ, and many things must be unspoken in order for them to attempt to do so.

Since comments on the article were allowed, here is the one I posted:

In some ways, JWs follow Jesus. They preach, like the disciples. They accept persecution, as did the early Christians. They will die for their beliefs – even as the beliefs change. They believe that the Christ has a mediating function in prayer, although they do not think it through but merely invoke the name.

However, I don’t think that anyone who looks more closely would believe that they are Christians. They are more like Watchtowerites.

They believe that Jesus, as Archangel Michael, very shortly will act as God’s hand to destroy “this satanic system of things,” including most of the people. They do not have a communion, only a yearly memorial of the last supper, during which only those who feel that they are of the 144,000 (destined to rule as kings over the earth) may partake of the bread and wine. The “emblems” are actually passed over every person present. In the years that I was a JW, I never witnessed any of them eat or drink in remembrance of Jesus. The ceremony is a reminder that they are not part of the communion. But hey, most of them would rather live on paradise earth anyway (once all the pesky bones have been cleaned up).

It seems to me that they have become more rule-bound and less able to make Christian decisions in my lifetime – but I am surely biased on that since I receive letters and questions from people who have been hurt by their myriad and often senseless cruelties. In judging comments from other former JWs, remember that they have cause for anger.

In their most destructive aspects, JWs not only divide families and cause paranoia and isolationism, but also protect predators – not only through their infamous “two-witness” requirement, but also by discouraging their members to deal with worldly (satanic) powers such as the police. Although they have furthered civil rights legislation in the US, they do not offer such democratic structures within their system. There is no discussion or debate, only endless repetitions of the “guidance” of the governing body in Brooklyn.

What they produce is a free sales force, driven by self-righteousness and fear, not compassion. And it is exploitative, too, since members often end up paying for the publications themselves. For a population that has been discouraged from higher education, and whose primary investment might be a few of those (strategic blending-in camouflage) three-piece suits, this is a hardship. They are kept busy and isolated – if members have questions of faith, they are labeled rather than mentored.

The rank and file JW is a good “sheep” – submissive, obedient. At least you can say that they are doing what they believe God wants of them – sometimes at great sacrifice. But the leadership, for all they call themselves “slaves,” are all-powerful to members. Some would even say that they have put themselves in the God-position. And they hide it under anonymity; you will look in vain for writer’s credits in any of their publications.

Local elders, who hold power over each JW’s life, have no training in languages, biblical interpretation, or even basic pastoral counseling. But there is a huge investment in their legal team. Recently, the Watchtower Bible and Tract Corporations succeeded in settling multiple cases about child abuse and pedophilia out of court – with a gag order.

If this is a Christian group, then the Christian message of reconciliation between God and humanity has been warped beyond all recognition. They have no concept of grace whatsoever. They are neither forgiving nor kind. Their only concept of service to others is to offer them the “good news” of how people might be able to survive the approaching destruction from their loving God. That’s it. The only community they are concerned about is their own.

Like some other fringe groups that have risen in influence, they are of the sort that would be more than happy to throw the first stone. They have completely missed the message.

I still don’t salute the flag – I think it’s a very creepy nationalistic ritual, but in most other ways, I have found that there are higher spiritual standards than the ones they can offer.

The recovering JWs that do best are those who have curiosity, like to read, and can locate their sense of humor. And, if you leave in freedom, you do have another advantage. You have learned to recognize the methods of control, and you have one step ahead in resisting them from other directions.

For those who are being shunned by their families and the people they thought were their life-long friends – know that you are not alone! Hang in there – it gets better.

Opposing Watchtower Sex Abuse Policies

Opposing Watchtower Sex Abuse Policies

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Someone has put some of the coverage of the Silent Lambs in Nashville up at YouTube. Check it out.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlRHaO0y4ro[/youtube]

Over a five day period in February, 16 civil child sex abuse lawsuits against the Watchtower Society (the Jehovah’s Witness headquarters in New York City) were quietly settled in three states (CA, TX and OR). The victims involved were essentially coerced into signing ‘gag orders’ that prevent them from discussing the cases. One Jehovah’s Witness elder who was sued was long time San Diego resident Rick McLean who was featured on America’s Most Wanted in March. He is suspected of molesting more than 30 children.

Molestation victims and advocates met to support abuse victims and to protest the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ policies on sexual predators and abusers (some of which include discouraging victims from seeking help from “worldly authorities,” requiring two witnesses to the abuse, keeping information from the police, allowing known abusers to interact unsupervised with children, and not informing congregations of potential issues or problems when predators transfer to other congregations).

They encouraged victims and witnesses to get help.

In light of the recent multiple-case settlement, they also urged all faith groups to stop requiring secrecy (gag orders) in settlements.

For more details see these previous posts:

JWs Protect Known Pedophiles and Abusers

JWs Protect Known Pedophiles and Abusers

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Jehovah’s Witnesses have a strange way of handling pedophilia and other forms of sexual and domestic abuse. They require at least two witnesses to testify to the abuse before they will take it seriously. Since they are also loath to involve “worldly authorities,” they often don’t report abuse to the police. Sometimes they even punish the messenger – the victim of abuse – for speaking.

If you are a Jehovah’s Witness that has been abused, sexually assaulted, or beaten – don’t bother trying to seek help from the elders. JW elders have no special training or insight. They simply follow rules, and the instructions that they have been given are not written for your benefit. Seek help and refuge outside the Kingdom Hall. You are so much better off finding help elsewhere!

If you are a kid – of any religion! – who has been abused, talk to some adult that you trust. Or call a hotline, contact social services, go right to the police station – whatever you feel safest doing. Do it! Do not hesitate! The person who abused you is the one who is in the wrong. Seek help. Please.

JW elders, who completely rule the congregations at the local level, will take the word of the (usually male) abuser much more seriously than any testimony from women or children. The man is the head of the household, and elders are elevated even further – whether that status is merited or not. One of America’s most wanted was protected for years, and is most likely still being protected since he can blend in to any congregation with the right JW-speak. Known pedophiles have switched congregations when things got awkward. That congregation isn’t warned, and such a person is often left unsupervised with children for bible study, door-to-door work and so on.

Even pedophiles and other abusers deserve their basic human rights. Christian congregations ought not to bar any sinner. The priorities here are seriously skewed, however. I think it very strange that JWs can be disfellowshipped for bad attitude, for celebrating Christmas, or for smoking – but abusers can remain in good standing just as long as only one person has the courage or ability to testify to their bad conduct and victimization of others.

Given their doctrines and mindset, it’s not really very surprising that they create abusers, but you would think that the average JW would have seen enough people disfellowshipped to wonder why the 2-person witness rule only seems to apply in this situation.

Other christian denominations – the Catholic church most visibly – have had to face their problems in this area. Jehovah’s Witnesses have made no changes to their policies.

So far, there has been no debate or discussion on this topic in Kingdom Halls. Why? Because debate isn’t allowed. The ideal is to be a sheep of the organization. Independent thinking, as any JW can tell you, is against their religion.

Even if it hurts or kills people, their members will obey without question the “divinely inspired guidance” of the Watchtower leadership at corporate command in Brooklyn. Why? They believe that Armageddon will happen at any time, and they want to survive it – no matter the cost in loss of freedom, destruction to families and individuals, and even the squelching of basic kindness. A disfellowshipped (shunned) JW is cut off from their family and most if not all of their friends – they are said to be ruled by Satan. They believe that God prefers people who prioritize orders from their publishing empire to common sense, basic ethics, or empathy for others. It never stops amazing me, what fundamentalists of all stripes can do to a message of love and forgiveness.

So now the leadership makes noises about educating their people – but they still discourage reporting to authorities. They still discourage seeking psychological help, too. They haven’t changed their rules or procedures at all – they’ve only invested in restructuring efforts, real estate scams, and an army of attorneys. I don’t expect much to change.

I’m guessing that they had to shell out some serious cash to settle all these cases with gag orders attached. Maybe that will start some people thinking. One can hope.

Many JWs are decent, good people. They are trying to do what they believe God wants of them, and many of them do so at personal sacrifice. Their mistake is in substituting the direction of a few flawed men at the head of a publishing empire for a relationship with God.

Sex abuse victims challenge Jehovah’s Witnesses – By ROSE FRENCH, The Associated Press

NASHVILLE – A victims’ rights group released documents Thursday that showed the Jehovah’s Witnesses recently settled civil suits with 16 people who claimed they were sexually abused by church elders or that church officials failed to act on the allegations.

The group, called silentlambs, held a news conference in Nashville to demand the denomination change its policy for responding to abuse reports.

Settlements were reached in late February and early March, according to court records obtained by silentlambs and posted to the group’s Web site. Fourteen of the cases were filed in California; the other two were in Oregon and Texas.

Details about the settlement terms could not be disclosed under confidentiality agreements negotiated between the parties, said Stephen Owens, a plaintiffs’ attorney involved in the California cases. Other cases are still pending, according to silentlambs, which couldn’t say how many.

The Jehovah’s Witnesses, whose headquarters are in Brooklyn, N.Y., said Thursday that they were pleased to see the lawsuits resolved, declining further comment.

“Our loving heavenly Father makes it clear in his Word, the Bible, that he abhors child abuse,” a statement from the denomination said.

“As an organization, we will continually strive to educate families and congregations with sound Scriptural teachings that they can use to protect their children from child molesters. And we will continue to do our utmost to protect children from this horrible crime and sin.”

William Bowen, silentlambs’ founder, was a Jehovah’s Witnesses elder from Kentucky who quit the denomination after he said it took no action against a molester. Bowen said the settlements were bittersweet.

“On one hand, we’re glad a few victims are finally getting some financial help,” he said. “On the other hand, we’re sad and worried because they’ve essentially been forced to give up their right to protect others by speaking out about their abuse to the public.”

Bowen’s group has criticized the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ policy that if an accused abuser denies the charge, two credible witnesses are required to establish guilt – due to literal application of such Bible verses as Deuteronomy 19:15 (“only on the evidence of two witnesses, or of three witnesses, shall a charge be sustained”).

If two witnesses are lacking, the accused is deemed innocent, charges remain confidential and – silentlambs says – parents who warn others are subject to disfellowshipping for slander.

Disfellowshipping is an extreme penalty that means a total cutoff of relationships by family members, friends and business associates who are Witnesses.

There are about 1 million Jehovah’s Witnesses in the United States, and followers are known for distributing Awake! and Watchtower magazines door-to-door.

Bowen also said Jehovah’s Witnesses have a long-standing policy of not reporting molesters to police. He claims that the denomination has a secret database of accused abusers that they have not shared with law enforcement officials.

“They keep putting innocent kids and unsuspecting families at risk of horrible crimes because they value their secrecy and reputations more than they value children’s safety,” Bowen said.

Since establishing silentlambs in 2001, Bowen says about 7,000 people who claim they were abused have contacted his group.

Associated Press reporter Allison Hoffman in San Diego contributed to this report.
On the Net: www.silentlambs.org

Other coverage:

JW Child Sex Abuse Cases Settled with Gag Order!

JW Child Sex Abuse Cases Settled with Gag Order!

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Press Release:


Sixteen Child Sex Abuse Lawsuits Against Jehovah’s Witnesses Are Settled
Largest Deal Ever in Denomination’s History Includes Controversial Gag Order

One of the Predators is A Fugitive & Was Profiled on “America’s Most Wanted”

Two Organizations Urge All Faith Groups To Stop Requiring Secrecy in Settlements

The Nation-wide Support Groups Prod Witnesses & Victims To Come Forward & Get Help

WHAT:
At a sidewalk news conference, clergy sex abuse victims will disclose and discuss a child molestation settlement (allegedly in the millions of dollars and the largest-ever) against the Jehovah’s Witnesses. One of the predators was recently on ‘America’s Most Wanted.’

They’ll also discuss a nationwide outreach effort to find and help more men and women who have been sexually abused by Jehovah’s Witness officials, and publicly urge all faith groups to stop requiring abuse victims to sign gag orders.

WHEN:
Thursday, May 10, 10:00 a.m.

WHERE:
Outside the Davidson County Courthouse (in courtyard), 200 James Robertson Parkway in Nashville, TN

WHO:
Several clergy molestation victims and advocates from five states, including – a Kentucky man who is the founder of a nationwide support group for Jehovah’s Witness victims & Tennessee leaders of SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests,
SNAPnetwork.org)

DETAILS:
Over a five day period in February, 16 civil child sex abuse lawsuits against Watchtower (the Jehovah’s Witness headquarters in New York City) were quietly settled in three states (CA, TX and OR). The victims involved were essentially coerced into signing ‘gag orders’ that prevent them from discussing the cases. (Copies of the 16 dismissal notices and of 1-2 of the actual lawsuits will be provided.)

One Jehovah’s Witness elder who was sued was long time San Diego resident Rick McLean who was featured on America’s Most Wanted in March. He is suspected of molesting more than 30 children.

http://www.amw.com/fugitives/case.cfm?id=35566

http://www.silentlambs.org/rickmcleanamw.htm

Victims groups and veteran clergy sex abuse attorneys (like Jeff Anderson who has filed 1,500 such lawsuits in the past 20+ years) are highly critical of gag orders because they keep the identities of predators secret and make it harder for victims to heal from the devastating effects of childhood trauma.

Attorneys for the victims in these cases are Greg Love and Kimberly Norris of Ft. Worth Texas (817 560 5600). Jehovah’s Witness officials JR Brown and David Semonian and church lawyers Philip Brumley and Mario Moreno can be reached at 718-560-5600 or
845-306-1100.

The denomination was prompted to settle the cases because of an adverse court ruling last October in California that would require them to turn over deeply-held secret records about abusive Jehovah’s Witnesses.

http://writ.news.findlaw.com/hamilton/20070125.html

A similar news conference is being held today in San Diego at 1:00 p.m. (Pacific time) outside a downtown courthouse there. (For details: Mary Grant 626 419 2930, Paul Livingston619 847 3998)

Six years ago a Kentucky man – William H. Bowen – reported to fellow Jehovah’s Witness church officials that another elder was in fact a confessed child molester and remains a Jehovah’s Witness in good standing to this day. Bowen was then ostracized
by fellow church members, went on to start a now 6,000 member support group for those abused and silenced by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. That group, SilentLambs.org, now has 6,000 members.

http://www.silentlambs.org/NationalPresspacket.htm

Contact: William H. Bowen of Paducah KY, founder of SilentLambs.org 270-703-2257 cell, 270-527-5350

Mary Grant of Long Beach CA, SNAP western regional director 626-419-2930 cell

David Clohessy of St. Louis, SNAP national director 314-566-9790 cell

Statement by Bill Bowen:

Sex abuse survivors through litigation have forced Jehovah’s Witnesses to admit their policy on child abuse is not working. Watchtower policy has silenced thousands of victims and continues to strangle their ability to cry for justice and healing.

One month ago, we were informed about settlements in some of the more than forty recent civil sex abuse lawsuits against the Jehovah’s Witnesses. We learned that 16 victims were paid the largest settlement in history of Jehovah’s Witnesses but forced to sign a gag order that forbids them from speaking about their abuse. We find this bittersweet. On one hand, we’re glad a few victims are finally getting some financial help. On the other hand, we’re sad and worried because they’ve essentially been forced to give up their right to protect others by speaking out about their abuse to the public.

In 2002, US Catholic bishops publicly promised that the church would never ask for gag orders when compensating abuse survivors. Five years later, Jehovah’s Witnesses do just the reverse. They keep putting innocent kids and unsuspecting families at risk of horrible crimes because they value their secrecy and reputations more than they value children’s safety. Jehovah’s Witness kids that experience abuse need to have freedom to speak. It is time to step up and do the right thing instead of protecting the reputation of the church.

Watchtower’s secrecy and recklessness gives dangerous men like Rick McLean continued access to youngsters. McLean was recently featured on America’s Most Wanted as one of the 15 most wanted fugitives in this country. Four of his victims were part of the sixteen lawsuits recently settled and silenced by Jehovah’s Witnesses. Because Watchtower officials never reported McLean and his crimes to law enforcement, he remains on the run and in fact might be molesting kids right now. Watchtower has a long-standing and ridiculous policy of not reporting molesters to police, requiring two eye witnesses before an abused child is believed and insisting that untrained individuals do internal investigations. This keeps kids vulnerable and predators free.

Watchtower has attacked and ousted members of conscience who have spoken out on to protect kids. They have protected child molesters by maintaining a secret database of more that 25,000 molesters that they do not shared with law enforcement. Finally, when a few victims find the courage and strength to speak up, get help, warn others, and seek justice in court, church officials silence them with hurtful gag orders.

Why did they settle? Last fall, a California court ruling would have required Watchtower to open their pedophile database. To prevent this information from becoming public, church officials chose to settle these 16 cases. They do not want anyone to know how much damaging information the database contains.

This is an international problem that needs to be addressed by one of the wealthiest religious groups in the world. At silentlambs.org, we want victims to know that, now more than ever, they can speak out, get help, expose molesters and protect others. Now more than ever, the legal climate has changed and is changing, so they have a better chance to get justice in court and deter others from hiding sex crimes.

We are announcing a worldwide campaign to reach Jehovah’s Witness sex abuse victims. We are asking that this downloadable “Service Bulletin” be placed in every Kingdom Hall (JW CHURCH) around the world and delivered to any Jehovah’s Witness that you may come in contact with. By doing so you can help victims find healing and protect children.