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Catholics in Las Vegas

Catholics in Las Vegas

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

Didn’t see it comin’ did you?

 

(Thanks, Tweet K)

Tiny Tooth Horror

Tiny Tooth Horror

It’s a matter of aesthetics. I simply find certain kinds of mouths repulsive. For me, it all has to do with the teeth.

The worst mouth? The one where you have to wonder whether or not there are any teeth at all. The person hardly ever lets you see them. I dislike the bulldog expression – the bottom teeth appear, but the top teeth do not. I dislike very small teeth – they look like corn on the cob.

If you add tension, smirking, and other strange manneristic muscular signals to the secret-teeth, bottom-teeth-only, or corn teeth, then I have a very primal sort of reaction.

It’s a kind of prejudice – it is certainly a preference. Back in the day when I was basically a serial monogamist, all of my boyfriend/lovers had medium-to-large white teeth (not that it matters here, but I am also partial to strong chins and warm expressive eyes). My husband shows his nice white teeth. My whole family has big white gleaming teeth. Maybe it’s a narcissistic tribal affiliation.

Perhaps it is a coincidence, but my Dad lost all his teeth when he was young. I had the most trouble relating with him when his dentures were rather small. Later, when he was older, the dentures were (or at least seemed) bigger, and he smiled more often (and more naturally). We got along better – but that was probably for other reasons altogether. Still – I wonder if this sort of thing could really be a subliminal/unconscious factor i our responses to others?

I don’t care about skin color or language or class or sexuality – but I just don’t like those scary little teeth set in those hard unfeeling mouths. In such a case I may have to admire him (usually it’s a him I mean) in spite of teeth capacity or expressive usage. Someone would have to be so brillant or witty or creative that I would overlook the scary teeth situation, like say… Anthony Hopkins.

I never realized this about myself until now. I know this is a really odd thing. I wonder if I am alone in feeling this way. Having realized this, I’ll have to be more conscious of it in my daily interactions with people. It may be unfair, maybe, may… be.

I like big clean white teeth that show up and make a strong appearance. Americans are known all over the world for our big white honest teeth. Sometimes the teeth may suggest some sort of aggression, like a tiger baring its teeth, but I still prefer that to the scary little teeth. I’m very welcoming to Mormons at the door despite having been a door-to-door cousin Jehovah’s Witness – for some reason they tend to have great teeth (and they are so wonderfully earnest).

Actually I think there are people who prefer the secret teeth, the corn on the cob, show-the-bottom-teeth like a bulldog kind of thing. Maybe they are equally repulsed by people who show their upper teeth. Maybe they are self-conscious about their own teeth. I can’t say that I have the answers on this.

Could there be a political divide – could teeth actually be a factor?

I started having wild thoughts about this. JFK and Jimmy Carter showed teeth. The Clintons have the teeth and so does Kerry. Hollywood people are, of course, big teeth-showers. I’m sometimes undecided about Ahhnold – I like his teeth – but I notice that he doesn’t show them much when he is around the President.

It seems like such a shallow sort of thing, but I wonder if there really are any perceptual differences or other psychological effects across populations based on tooth preferences. I have really gotten to dislike the white male republican kind of mouth. Here’s what I mean.

Nixon had a nice smile:

nixonteeth.jpg

But is that how we remember him? No, here is the mouth I think of…

nixonbotteeth.jpg nixonbottteeth.jpg

Bush is more attractive to me when he shows his teeth.

bushteeth1.jpg See? This is nice.

But here is how I see him in my mind’s eye:

bushmouth.jpgbushmeet.jpg bushnoteeth.jpg bushdebate.jpg bushmon.jpg

It’s probably not a consistent thing. I’m sure there are lots of attractively-toothed Republicans and some scary little-toothed bulldog-underbited Democrats. Condi has a big toothy smile, but that one is a bit terrifying. Zell Miller looked like what he really was, a DINO. Joe Leiberman is borderline – smallish teeth but he shows them sometimes.

Still, here are a few examples of mouths with expressions that I find particularly unattractive.

cheneyteeth.jpg Cheney

rumsfeldteeth.jpg Rumsfeld

roveteeth.jpg Rove

tomdelaymouthm.jpg DeLay

perduemouth.jpg Perdue (GA Gov)

chamblis1.jpg chamblis2.jpg Chambliss (GA Sen)

Man O man, show me thy teeth.

PR Strategies for the VP

PR Strategies for the VP

P.R. 101 for Vice-Presidents: Handy Tips for good P.R. when you accidentally (woops!) shoot somebody in the face.

  1. Take at least 18 hours to try to figure out what the heck to say to the Press
  2. Don’t drink any more alcohol.
  3. Send off a check soonest for the quail hunting license you were supposed to have had.
  4. Don’t call the police.
  5. Have friends publically point out the virtues and wonderfulnesses of the shooter.
  6. Blame the bird.
  7. Blame the victim. What the Sam Hill was that doofus doing there anyway, getting in the way of a perfectly good shot? DANG!
  8. Make sure media outlets use the right language. Don’t allow any rhetoric of violence that might make people feel queasy about the VP. Instead, say "he got peppered pretty good" –which sounds folksy, sort of fun, and brings to mind the pleasant subject of cajun cooking.
  9. By no means should either the victim or the VP make any personal statement to the press. Let jokes fly all around so that a sense of comraderie is established. After all, no-one was actually killed. A little pepper just adds spice.
  10. Have someone ask the White House spokesman whether it is inappropriate for even a properly Rove-tutored private citizen to have reported it to the press or for a newspaper to have reported on it before any official press release was distributed. Plant that that seed of doubt about whether freedom of the press is really such a good thing rather than dwelling on how different the scene would have been if the shooter wasn’t Cheney.
  11. Don’t sweat it too much; NRA buddies will fully understand.

It’s perfectly understandable that someone like Vice President Dick Cheney could shoot a 78-year-old lawyer in the face after mistaking him for some sort of orange-vest-wearing bird. Shucks–what’s a little buckshot between friends?

The Rise and Rise of Richard B. Cheney: Unlocking the Mysteries of the Most Powerful Vice President in American History (Dick Cheney)

(Adapted and expanded from an email sent to me by Aunt Elaine)

Huggy Jesus

Huggy Jesus

Yes, it’s the Huggy Jesus! Thanks for the link, Jean-Marie! (oops – edited Nov 14, 2007 – had to delete the link. The domain name for huggyjesus has been taken over by a disturbing site! But here’s a post that had a photo. Other outdated links are deleted too, but you can search for the products)

Really, what can one say? How about an inflatable church, get out of hell free cards, a pillow decorated with Michaelangelo’s famous fresco that plays the Beatles’ “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” pope soap on a rope, the lego holy trinity or some lovely Jesus sports statues?

Celebrate the season.

Ship of Fools