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JW Chronicles: Disfellowshipped Apologist

JW Chronicles: Disfellowshipped Apologist

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Disfellowshipped Jehovah’s Witness Scotty writes:

Sister or Brother???? I am actually in tears right now… Why, you may ask. Ill tell you. I am currently disfellowshipped right now and i now that i was disfellowshipped for my own willingful wrong doings. While i was commiting my sins, i didn’t care and i went along with everything that THE BIBLE says not to do,,,,,not just the WITNESSES. I hope Jehovah will be able to forgive you for blaspheming like your doing. I will pray for you tonight even though i don’t pray for my self because of feelings of unworthyness.

I read some of your advice to ex-witnesses. and i beg you to stop this. I knw that you know in the back of your mind, that this is the true religion, but you constantly battle try not to afirm it.

The US and Russia are about to go back to a cold war and just like daniel prophecy says, things will come to pass. Jehovah won’t lie and just like he says that you reap what you sown……..what your sowning right now is very rotten and wrong. I didn’t beleve a lot of things that the witneesss say but ive come to see what is truth. And this organization is absoulutely the truth. Children need to be disciplined sometimes in order to mold them into something dignifyable. Whether you parent does it (Jehovah) or you parent tells your older brother to whip you (the elders) its all for our benefit. If something is handled wrongly, then LET JEHOVAH DEAL
WITH IT IN HIS OWN TIME. I beg of you sisiter of brother, shut this website down, and truly repent!!!!!!!!!!! Please, please, please, stop playing GOD

This is a nearly perfect example of the kind of thing that appears in my mailbox on a regular basis.

First off, my heart really goes out to Scottie, although he would never believe it. I recognize this mind-space that he is in, with all its agonized and agonizing contradictions. He is currently being shunned by everyone he knows and loves, and his reaction is both to judge others very harshly and also to be plagued by an even deeper insecurity. Scottie, you’re right where you are intended to be, feeling horrible, judging others, trying to make yourself feel better, and ready to come back for more indoctrination. He doesn’t believe a lot of what they say, yet he believes it is the truth. He can’t see the contradiction. What Scottie needs right now is a friend, and I hope he has one. I’m the last person he would listen to if he considers my advice to recovering JWs to be blasphemous, so I’ll (reluctantly) have to leave that to others. I hope the prayers will help him – you never know when grace might happen.

For the record… No, in fact I do not in any way believe that this is really the true religion, neither in my mind, nor in my heart (nor even in my deepest paranoid fears). Amazingly enough, I’m not wrestling with the meme of the Watchtower as the “Truth” anymore – it is a very pernicious virus, to be respected, but it is survivable. I don’t believe in the idea of a “true religion.” I’m not sure how many of us religious non-absolutists there are. I think that different religions have their strengths and their faults and blind spots too, just like human beings do. I think that words about God are flawed – by definition, they have to be. Humans are not God, nor do we have the heart-mind of God (or gods). What we have are strengths (gifts) in different areas – as prophets and judges and thinkers and mystics and healers and scientists and teachers and lots more. Our religious traditions, at their best, are attempts to codify and disseminate religious insights. But none of us is God, and none of us is perfect, and our texts and traditions are based on human realities, not the life of God.

One of the common themes in the JW letters is the idea that I’m “playing God.” It is so drummed in that you must never think for yourself – not even to become closer to God, not even to let your spiritual gifts (whatever they may be) grow and thrive, not even to discern better ways of handling situations. JWs are not allowed to think or grow – they are only allowed to be submissive sheep, ready for Jehovah (the abusive father) to tell the older brother (the elders) to whip them again and again. But no matter how often they are whipped, they can never be good enough – hence the pervading sense of unworthiness, which is not to be confused with genuine humility or meekness.

Here is someone who really truly is unable to digest or process any of the information. Maybe I should add questions at the end of each paragraph, for repetition and emphasis, like they do with the publications. He knows (however dimly or incompletely) that he needs help (either that or he was being naughty when he sought and found the recovering JW advice page). Yet he is not able to confront the idea that there may another perspective. He immediately feels guilty. He sees blasphemy. That’s how tightly controlled the psychology is. This dynamic will loop back on itself until the very experience of reading another perspective will lead him back to more comfortable terrain. For now. Perhaps some small point will be retained somehow and may help him at another time.

While he asks me to wait on Jehovah to deal with any injustice – or is it to order someone else to be whipped? – he intervenes to ask me to close the website. Well, perhaps God will sort it out in time. But I think the gift of freedom is a valuable gift, and one’s use of one’s free choice is the foundation for the development of character as well as one’s religious path.

No person, no organization has the authority to take God’s place in anyone’s heart-mind-spirit-soul – and especially not as some sort of dictator of the soul. God is no dictator.

Dictators are interested in total control, power, their own gain.
Dictators are not interested in freedom, love, or compassion.

Scottie will most likely go back again and again until they “whip” the soul and spirit right out of him. In a worst case scenario, he might even have brought himself to this point willingly in order to undergo a religious trial, and thus create a deeper sense of conviction.

My feelings for the great majority of JWs are swirled in a big mixing pot, the main ingredients of which are empathy and sorrow – admittedly also with an occasional a dash of impatience, such as what you might feel while witnessing a successful con game and being unable to rescue the mark. Most of the JWs are trying to do good, to follow biblical principles – but they get entangled with the controlling psychology and its reinforcements and they lose their sense of priorities as well as their sense of self.

I criticize the behavior of the leadership because of its destructiveness to their people. I offer support for those who wish for it. You see above the standard product that is reaped from the sowing of the Watchtower Society. Is this what God intends for humanity? Dwell on that question. Everyone has their own path, if they wish to feel for it.

The biblical text is not a threat. It’s a simple statement: What you sow, that also you shall reap.

If you plant corn, you get corn. Cause – effect.

What you nourish in yourself or in the world is what grows.

Stand against destructiveness and hate. Nourish kindness and love.

Plant a seed.

Tiny Tooth Horror

Tiny Tooth Horror

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It’s a matter of aesthetics. I simply find certain kinds of mouths repulsive. For me, it all has to do with the teeth.

The worst mouth? The one where you have to wonder whether or not there are any teeth at all. The person hardly ever lets you see them. I dislike the bulldog expression – the bottom teeth appear, but the top teeth do not. I dislike very small teeth – they look like corn on the cob.

If you add tension, smirking, and other strange manneristic muscular signals to the secret-teeth, bottom-teeth-only, or corn teeth, then I have a very primal sort of reaction.

It’s a kind of prejudice – it is certainly a preference. Back in the day when I was basically a serial monogamist, all of my boyfriend/lovers had medium-to-large white teeth (not that it matters here, but I am also partial to strong chins and warm expressive eyes). My husband shows his nice white teeth. My whole family has big white gleaming teeth. Maybe it’s a narcissistic tribal affiliation.

Perhaps it is a coincidence, but my Dad lost all his teeth when he was young. I had the most trouble relating with him when his dentures were rather small. Later, when he was older, the dentures were (or at least seemed) bigger, and he smiled more often (and more naturally). We got along better – but that was probably for other reasons altogether. Still – I wonder if this sort of thing could really be a subliminal/unconscious factor i our responses to others?

I don’t care about skin color or language or class or sexuality – but I just don’t like those scary little teeth set in those hard unfeeling mouths. In such a case I may have to admire him (usually it’s a him I mean) in spite of teeth capacity or expressive usage. Someone would have to be so brillant or witty or creative that I would overlook the scary teeth situation, like say… Anthony Hopkins.

I never realized this about myself until now. I know this is a really odd thing. I wonder if I am alone in feeling this way. Having realized this, I’ll have to be more conscious of it in my daily interactions with people. It may be unfair, maybe, may… be.

I like big clean white teeth that show up and make a strong appearance. Americans are known all over the world for our big white honest teeth. Sometimes the teeth may suggest some sort of aggression, like a tiger baring its teeth, but I still prefer that to the scary little teeth. I’m very welcoming to Mormons at the door despite having been a door-to-door cousin Jehovah’s Witness – for some reason they tend to have great teeth (and they are so wonderfully earnest).

Actually I think there are people who prefer the secret teeth, the corn on the cob, show-the-bottom-teeth like a bulldog kind of thing. Maybe they are equally repulsed by people who show their upper teeth. Maybe they are self-conscious about their own teeth. I can’t say that I have the answers on this.

Could there be a political divide – could teeth actually be a factor?

I started having wild thoughts about this. JFK and Jimmy Carter showed teeth. The Clintons have the teeth and so does Kerry. Hollywood people are, of course, big teeth-showers. I’m sometimes undecided about Ahhnold – I like his teeth – but I notice that he doesn’t show them much when he is around the President.

It seems like such a shallow sort of thing, but I wonder if there really are any perceptual differences or other psychological effects across populations based on tooth preferences. I have really gotten to dislike the white male republican kind of mouth. Here’s what I mean.

Nixon had a nice smile:

nixonteeth.jpg

But is that how we remember him? No, here is the mouth I think of…

nixonbotteeth.jpg nixonbottteeth.jpg

Bush is more attractive to me when he shows his teeth.

bushteeth1.jpg See? This is nice.

But here is how I see him in my mind’s eye:

bushmouth.jpgbushmeet.jpg bushnoteeth.jpg bushdebate.jpg bushmon.jpg

It’s probably not a consistent thing. I’m sure there are lots of attractively-toothed Republicans and some scary little-toothed bulldog-underbited Democrats. Condi has a big toothy smile, but that one is a bit terrifying. Zell Miller looked like what he really was, a DINO. Joe Leiberman is borderline – smallish teeth but he shows them sometimes.

Still, here are a few examples of mouths with expressions that I find particularly unattractive.

cheneyteeth.jpg Cheney

rumsfeldteeth.jpg Rumsfeld

roveteeth.jpg Rove

tomdelaymouthm.jpg DeLay

perduemouth.jpg Perdue (GA Gov)

chamblis1.jpg chamblis2.jpg Chambliss (GA Sen)

Man O man, show me thy teeth.

No jail for JW that sexually assaulted daughter

No jail for JW that sexually assaulted daughter

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The Globe and Mail: No jail for Jehovah’s Witness found guilty of abusing daughter

Ontario JW Gower Palmed pleaded guilty to one count of sexual assault. Although the court found he abused his daughter on at least five occasions, Judge Kruzick thought he had already been punished by the civil suit – and after all, he’ll be on a sex-offender registry.

Now a married mother of three pre-teen daughters, Ms. Boer said she hoped her criminal and civil battles would force changes to how Witnesses deal with sexual abuse within their ranks. …

Ms. Boer, 34, was sexually assaulted by her father between ages 11 and 14.

Rather than notify authorities, she claimed in an earlier civil suit that elders told her not to seek outside help or report the abuse. She also said they forced her to confront her father to allow him to repent his sins as outlined in Matthew Chapter 18, Verses 15-18, a process she said was abusive and traumatic.

In 1998, Ms. Boer sued the Jehovah’s Witnesses through the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society for $700,000, saying the abuse and how it was handled by the sect almost drove her to suicide. In June of 2003, Madam Justice Anne Molloy ruled the Witnesses could not be held responsible for all her pain and suffering.

Judge Molloy found the church had not warned her against reporting the abuse, and that only one elder had wrongly applied sect policy by persuading her to confront her father. She did find the organization negligent in allowing untrained elders to hold the meeting and awarded Ms. Boer $5,000 in damages.

“They don’t follow the [written] policies,” said Ms. Boer, who abandoned the faith in the early 1990s.

Spokesman Mark Ruge disputed allegations that the Christian movement tries to deal with abuse away from the prying eyes of outside authorities.

“We abhor any sexual misconduct or abuse, especially when children are involved,” Mr. Ruge said from Georgetown, Ont. “We abide by the letter of the law as far as legal requirements are in reporting to the appropriate child-welfare services.”

How many of these cases will it take to get an action? JWs consider themselves part of a theocratic kingdom, and resist any intervension by “worldly authorities.” For an organziation that will kick someone out for smoking, they are strangely lenient about disciplining their men when they internalize and literalize what they’ve taught them about their authority.

When the Catholics came out with this sort of thing, there were charges, there were new policies. Somehow the JWs are able to send in lawyers who deflect that.

How many more cases will it take before they are held accountable for the so-called “secret” rules that everyone knows?

I applaud you Ms. Boer.

Another Lovely JW “Elder”

Another Lovely JW “Elder”

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Have You Seen My Mother

It was the mid 60’s when Bryan, at age two, was abducted by his father. Bryan was, stealthily, spirited away and taken from Town to Town by his father, keeping their whereabouts unknown. His mother, at nineteen and heartbroken, felt powerless.

Raised a Jehovah’s Witness by his father, who was an Elder for decades, Bryan was taught at a very young age that his mother was demonized and that she had been physically abusive to him as a baby. As the years went on and Bryan grew older, several times he asked his father for information to contact his mother; his father always shrugged his shoulders. Then at age eighteen, Bryan inquires once again of his mother, only to be told, by his father, that she had overdosed on drugs and died in a mental institution.

After thirty-years, Bryan, faithful to his natural urges, finally discovered his mother. Though it was not the reunion he had hoped for.

Once finding his mother, Bryan embarked on a difficult, heartwrenching journey of discovery; research at libraries and courthouses across the country as well as speaking to family members he had not seen in forty years, has brought to the surface, the ugly truth of the deception wielded by his father, for so many years, in the name of God. Bryan offers his, and his mother’s, bittersweet story in his new book, Have You Seen My Mother”.

—

“This is the Doomsday Cult which influenced my mother’s family, as well as my father’s. Angie Leslie (Poindexter) Turner, my mother’s grandmother, was a Jehovah’s Witness and informed my father where he could find me and my mother, leading to my final abduction. She did this because my mother was excommunicated from the organization and therefore considered dead in the eyes of God.”

The book will be available in November.

The Problem with Fundamentalists

The Problem with Fundamentalists

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Welcome to my blog of random musings.

Before Oswald, did snipers have “nests”?

Someone posted an anonymous comment on my tag board saying that they peed in my pool. I’m assuming it’s an alumn from Attleboro High School. It’s been that kind of a week. Here’s my fundamentalism poem – a former fundy JW myself, I can do this. 😉

The Problem with Fundamentalists
(with apologies to John Cale)

The problem with fundamentalists
They live by the rules
No matter the context
The rules always rule

The problem with a fundamentalist
She looks at a sentence
Whole chapters and books
And she stops at the sentence

The problem with a fundamentalist
He stops at the light
No one coming, wife in labor
He still stops at the light

The problem with fundamentalists
Their god is too cruel
Ruled by their own fears
They too become cruel

The problem with fundamentalists
They’ve missed the whole point
All courage and faith
Aimed at the wrong point